roses are red [just like the blood i spilt over you]

there is a children's rhyme

(or was it for lovers?)

that always began the same way;

Roses are red,

Violets are blue... 

but the ending is always

different

and i could never figure out

which one was us

as you watched me

f

  a

     l

l

  d

o

  w

 n

and tried to catch me before 

i hit the ground

but every time i

sl

ip

ped

between your fingers

j u s t 

o u t 

o f 

r e a c h

but you helD my bruisEd and bAttereD body

while i 

bl

bled

bleed

bled

all over your favorite jacket

so i 

love loved ꨄ

you

for holding me

in the darkest times of my 

d

  e

     s

        p

           a

              i

                 r

so i love loved you for it

but you didn't feel the same

over and over i 

F

A

L

L

for you

of all people

over and over and over again

like putting a mirror in front of a mirror

and hoping that one day, one day

it'll be something different

than an [endless] m|a|z|e

of reflections

but until that day,

that one day,

i will love you

and wait

until you finally notice

or

i

will keep

f

  a

    l

  l

 i

  n

      g 

     d

   o 

 w

n

in an [endless]

s p 

i r 

a l

s p

i r

a  l

so here's something i wrote for you

from an old children's rhyme

(or was it lovers?)

ROSES are red, just like the blood I spilt over you.

VIOLETS are blue, like the delicate veins, spiraling down your arm.

DAFFODILS are yellow, like the color I used to associate with your texts.

But no flowers could ever describe you.

You are not delicate, you do not wilt under the harshest conditions.

You were a blue mushroom, dotted with navy.

Impossible. Perfect. Unique.

And I loved you all the more for it.

I want you, I need you.

You were a beautiful thing and I 

let you 

g o

Every message,

Every response,

tainted with worry, with concern.

I read every one, wishing that

my nUMb fingers

would move

to t...y...p...e out 

a "sorry"

an apology for the hurt i put you through

by leaving

but i was scared

that you would leave me,

and i was too dependent

on you, on your smile

because you were just a person

behind a glowing blue screen

featuresindistinctintandlefttomyimagination

you are beautiful, my ideal perfect

and that scared me

so i left you

before you could leave me

and now here i am,

regret 

and sadness

tying itself into a messy bow in my heart

i love you, i loved you, and i'm not sure anymore

if it's platonic

or romantic

but i do know

that every 'i love you' you said

to me

gave me butterflies

and an uncontrollable smile

and that scared me

the unknown emotion fluttering in my stomach

my throat

my heart

my head

so i'm sorry

for the hurt

i caused you

but i'm 

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

all over

a-g-a-i-n

but this time

you're not here

to nurse my b/r\o\ke/n body 

back to +health+

you saw and fixed the cuts and scrapes and bruises on the (outside)

and even some of the ones lacing around my lungs

stopping me from B*REATHIN*G

properly

but you 

F

  A

I  

  L

E  

  D

to recognize

the blistering mess my heart was

on the ins(ꨄ)ide

and it is of no fault of yours

but i love you

and i just want you

to realize that

i always will

but also know that

Roses are red, just like the blood I will spill for you.

Violets are blue, like the mushrooms you love, and the ones I like to compare to you.

I love you, and I know you love me too.