Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
candles on the night stand,
blow them right out.
let you take control,
hands wrapped around my throat.
i know you’re bad for me
but i can’t stop thinking
about your hands on me.
i shouldn’t be this in love.
what makes her so much better,
that you would fall into hate?
i’m begging you to put
your loving hands back out.
i’m on my knees, begging again
because i don’t want to lose you.
i left my spirit in your hands, not even
the devil has a chance to get my soul.
i worshiped your body
now i worship the ground you walked on.
the words to our love song are kind of blurry,
how could i forget them?
i made sacrificies and you made lies,
you took pity on the people who tried to save you.
i was one of them, you left demons in my mind
now i’m unsure which direction is up and which is right.
i want to kiss you on the mouth,
but you only like it when you’re high.
i’m falling for you over and over. if you ask
i’d come crawling on my knees to you.
you smell of cherries, she smells of daisies
it drives me crazy smelling her on you.
i’m just your dirty little secret,
see me on the sidewalk and you just keep walking.
i always knew you’d be the death of me,
i just didn’t think it’d be so soon.
fingers around my neck, leaving bruises.
the misery extends, here we go again.
our love is a mix of pain and pleasure,
heaven and hell. we’ve both got demons and angels.
i won’t make it back out if you don’t shut up and kiss me.
still might not make it out, i’m drowning in our tears.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi! Ladybug here to leave you a review
I really liked this poem, you have such a display of raw emotion and imagery here, which is really interesting and captivates the reader. I like the mix of narrative and religious imagery. From the first sentence, you grabbed my attention and kept it throughout the whole poem.
I would definitely say "i made sacrificies and you made lies," could be changed to "and you told lies". But if you want to be consistent with the verb theme, maybe "I told you of my sacrifices"
There are also a few spelling mistakes in here, but I don't think they're worth mentioning. Just maybe fix them as they take away from the amazing story you're trying to tell.
Other than that, this poem is amazing and I loved reading it. i hope to see more from you soon!
Ladybug
Okay, wow. This poem? It wrecked me. The opening alone—"candles on the nightstand, / blow them right out"—sets such a mood. Like, you can feel the tension, the darkness, the "I know this is bad, but I’m going to do it anyway" energy. And then hands around the throat? Chills.
The way you capture obsession is so real. "I know you’re bad for me, but I can’t stop thinking about your hands on me." — is so real (not the choking part, but the whole "Why do I want what’s terrible for me?"). And the begging? "I’m on my knees, begging" again"—the desperation is palpable. I’ve been there, and you nailed that messy, humiliating, can’t-let-go feeling.
The religious imagery? "I left my spirit in your hands; not even the devil has a chance to get my soul"—that’s some serious devotion. And then the contrast with "you took pity on the people who tried to save you"? The whiplash of loving someone who’s just... not good? Perfect.
My only tiny note? Some lines ("I always knew you’d be the death of me") feel a little dramatic, but honestly? That’s how love feels when you’re in it. So keep it. The sensory details ("you smell of cherries, she smells of daisies") are—so specific, so ouch.
Final verdict? This poem is like staring into a car crash—horrifying, but you can’t look away. 10/10, would read again while eating my feelings.