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E - Everyone

The Dark

by stevebayor

And I closed my eyes, all seems not
I was off, with hope to see light when I return
Suddenly I felt this pressure, like heaviness
It came along with heat and sadness
My consciousness regained, my sight alert
Then I came back, and alas! I saw him, thick darkness!
He was so soft to touch, but hard to see, yet I saw him
Blacker than coal was this bright darkness
More soothing it felt than light
(And I seem to be suffering in it)
In it I seem to delight
He smells like the grave
His touch was silk

And every minute, looks like he grows

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32 Reviews

Points: 743
Reviews: 32

Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:43 am
Aravind wrote a review...

Hey stevebayor!

This is a very interesting piece of yours. You've mention themes such as horror and mystery coming into this. This helped me understand the content a bit more.

Content wise, I see clearly that you discuss your experience with this strange beast or sensation of a paranormal being. I at times begin to think you make the night sky/darkness subjective. I tell this by you description "thick darkness!".

Grammar and Spelling seems to be intact. No issues here at all. Avoid use of brackets as poetry itself is a platform for word play and expression. I suggest you either remove that bracket or take off the line itself. It's all up to you.

Structure wise, I feel somehow you may need to organize the content into stanzas. Having been a descriptive piece, I don't really think this is necessary.

It's most definitely coherent as you're plainly describing this figure/subject in your poetry piece.

Literary Devices have been used very effectively. I am able to spot adjectives, metaphors, similes, and personification.

My personal rating for this work is 3.7/5

Keep Writing :)

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93 Reviews

Points: 3737
Reviews: 93

Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:13 pm
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Laurenh6 wrote a review...

This is awesome! It's so powerful the way in which you've described the dark so creatively with similes, personification, and so many other techniques. I really like the fact it's quite short and sweet through saying things concisely, but you clearly build a picture. I also love how concise the title is - I love horror stories, poems etc and I think this is really good! Extremely unique and it's amazing to look at the darkness from a different outlook. Well done it's great!

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15 Reviews

Points: 259
Reviews: 15

Mon Jun 13, 2016 3:46 pm
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scarlettshimmer wrote a review...

Wow, this is incredible. You nailed it with this piece, not only with horror ideas but with grammar and the description of emotion. I love the usage of vocabulary and the way you almost personify emotions to the point where you can almost feel them yourself. Also, it's pretty damn freaky as a horror poem. You totally nailed it! I love it!


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67 Reviews

Points: 152
Reviews: 67

Sat Jun 11, 2016 7:41 pm
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Charlotte2 wrote a review...

I instantly saw the title and thought it would be something I would l like, and I was right. I love this poem, as it takes the simple idea of the Dark and turns it into something with feeling and emotion. It talks about the dark in a way you do not hear often - I love how the dark is described as a beautiful, fascinating yet worrying thing. It was great. This poem makes my imagination fill up with so many beautiful pictures and I love the imagery.

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Points: 40
Reviews: 0

Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:22 am
Aditchere says...

Waow. Thats amazing

stevebayor says...

thanks a bunch

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16 Reviews

Points: 114
Reviews: 16

Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:19 pm
DoormanDan wrote a review...

Not bad, not bad at all. Your personification of the Darkness is enjoyable to read, and I enjoyed the few lines of inverted syntax you added it. Also, you did a good job with description in this piece. Personally, I've never been the biggest fan of free-verse (as it is often hard to write well). but I think you've done a solid job with this.

I'm not sure if it's a typo or not, but in your last line, you left our the "he" between "minute," and "looks". If you left it out intentionally, that's okay, but I honestly think it's more pleasing to have it in.

This poem is a solid piece of writing. Sorry if this review is not as good as it should be (I'm currently working on improving my poetry reviews), but that's all I have to say.

My score: 93/out of one French Fry and two Donuts. Keep up the great work! :)

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405 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 405

Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:29 pm
Eros wrote a review...

Hello, sevebayor!!

This is Eros here to write a review for this beautiful piece of poetry.

Hmm... So let us begin the review with the title. A title should be good, attractive, catchy, short and sweet, and most importantlyb related with the topic. I am glad to say that the title of your poem has fulfilled all these criterias.

The next thing is the theme and the main idea which forms the basis of the poem. I liked the theme of the poem. It is about darkness. The darkness is soothing than the bright light. You have described how the darkness grows and it gets more and more darker.

The next thing is the choice of set of the words. I apreciate your choice of set of the words. I liked how you have tried to link with the reader's senses--- the olfactory senses by describin the smell, the sight, and the soothing senses of the reader. Really AWESOME!
I liked this unique piece of poetry. It was very beautiful and very captivating.

I applaud for your easy style of writing which is easy to understand and heavily adorned with the words you used.

So, overall a WONDERFUL work.
Unique work.
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works like this one.
Have a great day/night/evening!!
Best luck with your writing...

stevebayor says...

thank you so much, such an inspiring review, i hope i won't let you down, and i'll try to keep writing better works

Eros says...

I am happy that I could inspire my writer-friend. Thankies.

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