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Heart of Man

by stevebayor


HEART OF MAN
The heart of man, Oh! The heart of man…
How porous, that it receives all…
How wicked, it ends it’s kind,
Without remorse, it destroys them all..

The heart of man, oh! How mysterious.
It does miracles, yet itself is anti-miracle.
How, tender, oh how malleable..
Easily bent, yet stronger than strength..

The heart of man, oh! How miserable,
Suffers in hate, yet even suffers in love.
How greedy, never satisfied,
How I hate the heart of man,
If it were possible, I’d have mine changed
To that of an angel,
This is inevitably what I possess,
I’m condemned to deal with it,

Till I go up yonder….


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117 Reviews


Points: 6987
Reviews: 117

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Wed Nov 16, 2016 4:23 am
JosephGeorge wrote a review...



Hey stevebayor,

First Impressions: Interesting little poem you've got here. Has kind of a pessimistic view on humanity, and a sort of degradation of who we are, which is actually one of the most common topics these days, (can't imagine why,) so popular topic.

Positives:

How porous, that it receives all…


Very nice word to choose in describing the nature of a heart, and the way that it opens to the world. Good imagery here.

I enjoyed the progression towards something greater. As a general rule, there should be purpose behind our writing, and here it is to transcend to a higher plane of living. Good to see a piece of art that actually attempts to inspire others to achieve more and do something greater than just mope about things.

Negatives:
It does miracles, yet itself is anti-miracle.


I feel like you pick such good description a bit earlier, but in a few lines, such as the one quoted above, you just simply come out and state something, rather than trying to show us what it looks and feels like. Perhaps some added effort here to "spice" it up and build some more emotion into the blocks could be a good improvement?

Overall: I thought that it has great foundation and while, perhaps, is missing a little bit of framing on the sides, is fairly well completed and has great potential for becoming something great.

I give it:
ImageImageImage


#008080 ">Joseph Henry George




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1080 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

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Wed Nov 16, 2016 3:11 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

The main thing that I didn't like about this poem is that it didn't really add anything new and didn't have really anything new. The idea of a heart being greedy and miserable and strong isn't anything new. Put your own twist on this idea, make it interesting with imagery. The idea of a heart being bent is something that I wanted you to expand on instead of dropping it where it was.

The way that the narrator speaks gets on my nerves as it makes itself try to sound more important than it really is. I'm not a fan of changing dialect into something that would be considered more formal or fancy. On the other side of that, I don't necessarily mean that talking in slang or anything is the way to go, but it doesn't really add anything. It distracts from the poem and makes it seem less sincere.

Another thing that I noticed was that this poem felt unattached from emotions. The way that it's spoken affects this but I don't really feel it broke into emotion as a whole. It didn't /move/ me, and this was because it was talking about a subject and didn't really include anything that was personal like an experience. Real experiences make these kind of things more powerful and attach them to an image.

I hope I helped and have a great day!





By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill