Redemption

Hey stevebayor!


This is very deep and thoughtful piece of poetry you've presented here. You've taken expression of heart-broken, and romantics to a whole new level. I say this because the message here is very profound - about how we must all move on with our lives, and seek love elsewhere.

Content wise, it's clear how you go in search of love, after a heart-breaking incident. This love can be with god, your partner/crush, animals etc. Either way, the content applies for all and assists readers to relate to their own personal experiences.

Grammar and Spelling is taken good care of. I suggest you refrain from using brackets in poetry. Poetry itself is use of expressions however we want. You need to make yourself clear about whether you write about strictly love or lust. I suggest you focus on love, because lust is some sort of sub-header to it.

Structure wise, you've organized your content into stanzas. I love the way the first four lines are structured - in several pauses unlike the other two stanzas. I find this significant because to me, it's showing emphasis on how painful and overdose of love your are going through (state of mind etc). I find this first part interesting for that reason. Otherwise, I love it.

Content is coherent, as you begin from reflecting past horrible experiences, then finish strongly by informing where else you'll find love.

Literary Devices are very well used here. I am able to spot adjectives, metaphors, rhyming couplets, and personification.


My personal rating for this work is 4.6/5


I'll add a "like" since your work got 80%+ from me

Hi there! To start I fell in love (or lust) with the structure and topic. I only have a few suggestions otherwise. The line "Of the portion of love (or lust) I'd had overdose" I feel would go better, with a little revision, after the line containing the pills. Not only would it fit with the subject of pills, it would also break the repetition of lines starting 'I'. The rhyme scheme in the piece flows well. Your word choice is stunning and very fitting for the tone. The last stanza is increasingly strong. Thanks for the read!

I thought that this poem was filled with true meaning and emotion, it really made me feel the emotions that you packed into this piece. I would like to see more things like this from you.

Hi! herbgirl here for a review!
So, to start, I'd like to say that I like the idea of this poem, and I especially like the last two stanzas. It's a classic topic, and through these last two stanzas you transmitted it very poetically. The one thing I would correct about these two stanzas is that I would recommend adding commas after all the "Oh"s. This is because you use proper punctuation in the rest of the poem, and when reading this poem aloud, I pause after saying "Oh." But other than that, those last two stanzas are fine!
Now, the first four lines bother me. I feel like they were supposed to be a stanza of their own, but the spacing got messed up, but I'm not sure. The other thing about theses first four lines that sort of rubs me the wrong way is how it has a different rhyme scheme from the rest of the poem I feel as if this makes it harder for the poem to flow. Plus, the rhymes there seem a little forced. "Drowned" and "Groaned"? "Rose" and "overdose"? I'm not sure if these were intended to be rhymes, but judging by the similarity in the word endings I would guess so. Anyways, I would suggest switching the lines around a little bit, and seeing if you could come up with any better rhymes. Just experiment with it!
The thing I did like about the first four lines was the way you put (or lust) in parantheses throughout the lines. I liked this, it seemed to add depth to the poem. If you would like, I would see if you could add it in throughout the poem, although it is fine as it is.
Anyways, good job on this poem! Your conveyance of a classic theme is very nice and poetic.
herbgirl