You're a company that can easily top the market
What with working with the likes of Nakumatt
I could blame the Belgians
They didn't leave us with much baking skill
But they are far away now and, you have what it takes...
The loaf I bought last time,
Could easily be the most refined Bread
I've ever taken and my,is it plain!
It’s white like a sheet!
I've never hungered for a little more bran,
As your whole-wheat costs much more.
Eating your bread made me realise that,
They're better things I could do with my life…
Like not repeating the same mistake
That has nothing to do with the stale, refined long salt loaf I couldn't eat,
Bought from the same spot, maybe it does.
Since I might again get reluctant to cook
I’ll be checking out the whole-wheat bread
Tell me I’m not making a mistake.
Having us import Ugandan bread is not cool.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi! I really liked this poem!
It's got great diction and the voice is clear and present.
My only two critiques(that the other review hasn't covered) is to make sure you put a space after the comma at "it is plain!" and "get reluctant" may want to changed to "be" or "become".
Other than that, great job! A very nice, happy poem!
Yo, Weymouth here for a review, cause i'm cool like that
This was an interesting poem, i had no idea what it was about until the second stanza, I would consider making it a bit more obvious. I do like the language you've used, like "refined" and "hungered" because it just switches it up a bit, makes the line easier to read.
One thing I did spot was in the penultimate line, "They're better things" should be "there are better things".
I like the effect of taking to someone throughout the poem, i feel like i can follow it well.
All in all, awesome poem, keep it up!
thanks for the review, I'm glad you can enjoy this.