Live Like we're Dying.

Hi stephndek.

I like your message here. But I think you can work on the imagery more; give the reader something to imagine by, perhaps, adding more descriptions to the situations you already mentioned. Like sports. What sports? Sports on ice? On a flat field? What do you associate with ice or with field? Can you make a metaphor? If you can associate little things with those things you mention, use them to describe, because it'll keep the reader entertained and that's how you get someone to listen to what you have to say. :] Which is an interesting message, by the way.

-Sol

KayKayKoala here for reviewing duty!

I really enjoyed reading this
I absolutely LOVE the line
"and when we've tried to live and failed and are still alive"
It's very interesting and makes you think
That poem AND that line
I hope you continue to write
You definitely have a talent here!
Smile xD
It's good for you
Sorry, haha, I'll stop now
But seriously smile
<3
Over and out,
KayKayKoala

Okay well this poem was amazing.

I'm not really sure why you start off your poem with a period. Is that supposed to signify something? Please let me know, because I just don't understand its placement. Same with the line "(for the fun I've passed on)" but if you could clarify what you mean, perhaps I would understand it. (ya know, I'm very oblivious)
Things I loved about this poem:
"And when we've tried to live and failed and are still alive

Well - perhaps it’s time to write some poetry."
Ha love these last lines as they conclude the poem perfectly!
The use of quotation marks in this poem, I believe, seem odd. But I understand you put them there for emphasis, right? In poetry, try and write the poem where you don't need that kind of punctuation to add emphasis. that way the reader can really feel the poem and feel what the poem is trying to convey. Possibly change the format of the poem?
Also, the ellipsis after "more" should have more period.

"And sport

And smoke

And drink"
I also like these lines because you didn't add commas so it seemed to stand out a lot more with what you were saying (if that makes sense...I just really appreciated those three lines.)

This poem has a lot of potential, but I think it needs to be revised again.
I'm sorry if I had so many nitpicks, I just loved and appreciated this poem, and so I really want to help it reach its full potential. You're a great poet!
Like I always say, you don't have to change anything if you don't want to, because it's your work.
Keep writing