Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Mystery / Suspense

E - Everyone

Sadness & Goodbye

by starlinks


Sadness

This constant sorrow

(An ugly, bulging monster)

Silently trickles into my mind

(Stop, stop, stop—!)

Phantom pain

(I have nowhere to hide)

Nabbing on my heart

(It hurts, it hurts so much)

Presenting itself as a never ending void

(That ate me up mercilessly)

Whispering terrors and nightmares to my ears

(I keep falling and falling)

As I helplessly clutch at the intangible nothingness

(Help)

Hoping, wishing that the extinguishing starlight

(Please…. Do something)

Would pull me out of this drone like life

(Mundane, everyday, boring routines)

And stop my speeding descent

(g=-9.8m/s^2 too fast for anything to catch me)

Into despair and insanity

(I don’t want to say goodb—)



2nd Poetry: Goodbye

This simple word

carries a long way

You wish the other a well being

You wish them 'good' luck

You send a little part of you

with the remark

To someone

who you may or may not see again

It tears you apart

little by little

every time

But you cannot do anything

to stop it.

After all, it is just a little

silly, wishful sentiment

Time and time

You say goodbye

Each time taking a little emotion away

Leaving a gaping hole

in your heart

that grows bigger, larger.

Some to your enemies, people you loathe

But most to your friends, companions

and even more.

After all,

you are wishing them 'good'bye

Moving around rapidly

You learn to say the word apathetically

It's just a simple goodbye,

you tell yourself

One day you might meet again

But deep down

you know

Goodbyes are not always temporary

How could you meet everyone you have every acquainted

Again?

It is too easy to get emotionally attached

Too easy to be terribly heart broken

You learn that

Friendship

Is a thing too easily shattered

There is nothing like lasting friendship

A simple catastrophe can break people apart

Unforgiving fate

And disaster

Sometimes a goodbye is not even in order

Sometimes a goodbye is not even said

Sometimes a goodbye is not enough.


A/N: Please drop me a note after you've read it! I know I'm not a good poet, but I really want to try the genre out! Please pardon my mistakes.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
221 Reviews


Points: 1476
Reviews: 221

Donate
Mon Sep 30, 2013 12:09 am
Vivian wrote a review...



There good poems. The first one was almost a little hard to read but they're good.

Goodbye is such a hard word, I've never said it though. But I know it's not always a sad thing, once you say goodbye you can move on to say hello. With every end there is a new beginning. But I feel you, friendships don't last too long. So keep writing and fighting. Poetry isn't that hard.




User avatar
34 Reviews


Points: 279
Reviews: 34

Donate
Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:25 pm
Morticiansdaughter19 wrote a review...



I love how in the first poem their is a hidden message in every line, that you would not regularly see in poetry. " Phantom pain (I have nowhere to hide)" you are saying something but there is a deeper meaning behind your words, I love it!

The second poem is just as good if not better!
"After all, it is just a little
silly, wishful sentiment"
should be
"After all, it is just a little silly,
wishful sentiment"
Just a small adjustment. Your poems are really good! Keep writing! :)
You have an interesting style!
And don't listen to some critics write however you want, they are your poems do what you want with them!




User avatar
332 Reviews


Points: 10657
Reviews: 332

Donate
Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:14 pm
Blackwood wrote a review...



Ok the first poem.

What the heck have you done here? I have no idea what you have done here, but there are some weird lines. I am not sure how to read it. I am not even sure if the right hand lines even are part of the poem. Whatever you have put them there for please don't just write it normally.

Second poem. You need punctuation at the end of some lines. Also be consistant with your capital letters. For example-

This simple word
carries a long way.
You wish the other a well being,
you wish them 'good' luck,
you send a little part of you
with the remark
to someone
who you may or may not see again.
It tears you apart
little by little
every time
But you cannot do anything
to stop it.


I also feel like some of your lines are a bit short. You could turn in some of those smaller lines into one longer line which will help with the reading a bit.




User avatar
109 Reviews


Points: 257
Reviews: 109

Donate
Sun Sep 29, 2013 9:38 am
rbt00 wrote a review...



Hey there! Raabia here with your review. So to start off, I really like this and the message it conveys. A very well written poem filled with metaphors and similes. The beginning was really good. Keep going 'coz your amazing. There are a few mistakes here and there which I am sure you will catch up. Why dont you try rechecking your poem for mistakes and grammar errrors. That way it just helps alot.

REGARDS

HAPPY REVIEW DAY




User avatar
41 Reviews


Points: 259
Reviews: 41

Donate
Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:41 am
spacesoldier says...



I thought it was great ^^




Random avatar

Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

Donate
Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:11 pm
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



Hey there! Ariana with your review. So to start off, I really like this. This was very eloquently written, complete with an array of figurative language such as similies and metaphors. I liked the beginning the most though-it was really nicely written. I honestly didn't see any errors here in the areas of grammar and spelling, which was good. In all honesty, I couldn't find anything h to critique you on. You started this and finished this up very smoothly and it was a real pleasure to read . So thanks for posting it!




User avatar
394 Reviews


Points: 16710
Reviews: 394

Donate
Sat Sep 14, 2013 4:13 am
KnightTeen wrote a review...



Don't put yourself down, you are a good poet. Not as good as the Masters, but we can all here on YWS only ever dream to be like them someday.

But, you are good. That's why I liked this.

Grammar, spelling wise (on both) I found no mistakes.

I did find this in "Sadness", however, and I'm not sure what's up with it.

(g=-9.8m/s^2 too fast for anything to catch me0


As for "Goodbye", you should break it into stanzas and add a little punctuation to improve flow.

Peace,
HT





You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh