As the frogs croaked, Juliet let her mind wander away from the river she lay beside. The smooth currents always seemed to pull her back in a matter of seconds every time to see a new pattern form around the rocks. Her towel under her, soaked up the water in her bright, red, hair falling down to her waist. Her eyes matched the color of the trees circling around her. The fields were filled with poppies and small flowers in little sections. She picked one, tucked it behind her ear and lay down again.
Laying on the towel, Juliet felt like the world was at her fingertips, soaking up the sun’s heat in return for some bountiful energy. As she felt the sun warm her toes, she felt the warmth coursing through her veins and straight into her heart. Her mind started to wander. Off through the woods back to her Grandma’s house like a fairy tale princess. Up the porch into the two-story house wafting in the smells in the kitchen. Up the stairs and through the door to her bedroom in the attic. Where the sun leaked in through the wide window and onto the floor where Jay, her great Dane, slept peacefully when he wasn’t running. But after her minds glorious journey, the river called out to her again, showing her its new path.
Juliet sat up, her fire red hair falling at her back. She watched as a frog attempted to jump from one lily pad to another but failed miserably. She giggled bright and young. Here, out in the clearing, there was life in every corner. As Juliet’s mind started its journey again, the water let her go without changing its course this time. Like its clear blue waters had heard her deepest desire and agreed to free her mind to walk the Earth. Letting herself go, she lay back down, mind elsewhere, out on the river.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
This is a very nice story! I love the detail you put into it. One sentence that didn't quite feel right was the one "Her towel under her, [...] down to her waist". I wasn't sure what happened there. Also I think capitalize Great Dane.
You know, since this girl's name is Juliet, my mind at 4 AM thought of Romeo & Juliet, and wondered if this little story could be like the peaceful prelude, and then everything goes to hell when she falls and love and then kills herself. Again - this is me at 4 AM, don't mind me. Just an interesting idea. Like at the end of this story you could put in one draft a final, solitary italic sentence that sums up the Shakespeare play. "She would, many years from then, fall in love with a boy and..."
I need to stop... I'm really weird at 4 AM lol
This was a great story!
Hi there @sophies36 I am here to do a review lets get into it. by the way I can say that Juliet is a very well non name some one mite think that you coped this name.
Okay so I thought that this needs a full stop at the en of it for that does seem like it is the end of a sen tins from the other line after it.here I can say that the to does not really seem to go with this line, I will put this in suggestions for you.
okay so this line were you say Juliet felt like a great Dane um I am not really shore that you should say that for it does not really make sens to me. pleas can you explain this a bit.
okay I feel like there is a word missing here so I will put this in suggestions.
okay here Romeo is a very well none name as well. just saying because you mite get some people saying that you coped.
Suggestions
1: very time watching a new pattern form around the rocks.
2:Off through the woods back to her Grandma’s house like a fairy tale princess.
So that is all that I can say about this peas of work. it was quite good I think. So keep up the grate work here. and never stop righting.
@EalgeFly out to seek and kill
thank you!
1-Juliet is a common name, yes I did realize but I kind of wanted her to be "just another girl" in a way
2-the great dane description is not my best but I couldn't think of anything so I am going to change it.
3-i thought the Romeo thing would be a little odd so I wasn't sure if I should keep it. I will change it.
All right pleas tell me when you do change it.
Hi Shikora here with a review.
Wow this story was really well written. I just felt like I was with Juliet as she was there near the river. Your description was really good I can't see anything there was is really wrong. I would say I would like to no more about her surroundings. You do give us a small glimpse and that's good but I would like more. I hope you no what I mean by that. But again that is your choice.
I couldn't see anything wrong with the grammar. But that could partly be because I'm not very good with is. It is one of the things I'm not very good at. But I think you did a really good job with your story.
I hope I'll see more work form you soon. Never stop wring and have a great day/night.
Your friend
Shikora.
Heyo! I’m here to say that this short story is really good! I mean why write notes when you can write This??? Ahahaha! Anyways I really like the words you used in this story and you described it really well, it felt like I was there in a sense. You deserve a lot more credit for this story, because it’s really good, and gives a peaceful mood. All in all, amazing story!
Thank you so much! And who needs notes? Not me...haha
No problemo, thanks for the gift! Also welcome to YWS! -celebration-