Hope. (first draft)

by sophies36

Published November 3, 2018

12+ Mature Content

In Writing

Hope.

What is hope?

A shimmer of light in a night sky?

A smile in a crowd of frowns?
A fry in your onion rings?

What is it?

~

Hope,

Where can I find it?

‘Cuz lately I seem to be lacking it.

Is it the light at the end of the tunnel?

The last thing before the world goes dark?

~

Stories flash through the news.

Guns. Violence.

All in schools.

They were supposed

To be safe there.

They had no hope.

~

Hopeless.

What if

This happens to us.

Its surreal.

~

I pretend not to worry.

To try and stay calm

But there is

Nothing I can do.

To stop the future.

Except hope.

~

When I’m hiding

In the classrooms corner,

I’m losing hope.

When the police come

And my friends are dead?

One of them,

He was the shooter.

Then, the hope is gone.

~

They say hope lives.

But its hard to see

Through the cloud of lies

The government tells.

~

Months pass

Nothing changes

The world stays the same.

The government?

Oblivious to us.

It’s Hopeless.

~

When we start

To speak out,

People ignore

And laugh

And pretend

We don’t exist.

They think we’re hopeless.

Not yet.

Comments & reviews · 2
magiccharm2002 wrote a review Review · Nov 3, 2018

Very nice! This piece is very expressive and I love that you decided to create poem about a relevant topic and not just something random! Personally I thing that just makes poems even more beautiful in their own right.

Over all it's beautifully written and I can't say very much negative stuff about it. One thing I would work on a little bit is your fluency/ rhythm. I just found that as I was reading it I had a little difficulty finding a clear way to do read it. So, maybe to fix this you could add a little more punctuation.

Besides that, I would say this poem is amazing in its own right and deserves to be read. Keep up the god work! I look forward to reading more of your work!

Also, you don't have to take my suggestion it is just my opinion.

The fluency does need work so thank you and I probably will try to fix that

User avatar
Fantascifi66
Review
Fantascifi66 wrote a review Review · Nov 3, 2018

Wow...
I honestly don't know what to say.
This was beautiful but terrible.
I love how you wrote this. I really do.
And i also loved that you put a question mark after "and my friends are dead?", because then it seems like he/she/you almost can't believe it.

Have you experienced this? Is that why you wrote it?

Or is it simply because there has been so much (sorry) dumb shit on the news?

Anyways, loved your poem and keep writing!


Fanta

And btw, welcome to YWS!

I wrote it based on all the terrible news recently. Thank you so much for the lovely reply and for welcoming me!

I think words are some of the most powerful things in the world. We can use them to make a difference. And that%u2019s what I intend to do.

I totally agree!



I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
— Dilbert