With a log fire crackling, Emma slept silently. Belle sat, waiting, for the old, oak, grandfather clock to sing its deep, midnight carol. It's sides were chipping and faded of color. As Emma rolled in her sleep, the old pull out couch croaked like the toads on lily pads in the stream behind Belle’s old house. Where the stars shined until morning and the only light, was the moon and a candle. Crickets filled the outdoors and your head. Here, in New York, the stars stayed hidden behind a dark curtain of sky, afraid of the bustling lights of the city. And the cars honking their horns played through your head like a hamster running on a wheel, continuously.
When the clock sung its melody, knocking Belle from her daze, it chimed deep and rich, filling the loft of the apartment above the busy streets. Belle jumped off the couches arm and crept along the wood floor. She slipped her feet into slippers, wiggling her toes into the end. She eased open the bay window and climbed through, stealthy as a leopard. Belle’s feet landing on the metal fire escape, she pulled down the ladder to the rooftop and slid down the window, cringing at the creaking sound the frame made. Hand over hand, she climbed up the rungs to the roof.
Sitting on the edge of the roof’s platform, Belle dangled her legs over the cars running below her like ants finding they’re homes. She felt powerful, like she could crush them with a small tap but at the same time weak, like the dark blanket above me could fall and crush everything below. She worried about the death of everything below the blanket but at the same time, she prayed for the blanket to lose its grip and slip revealing the stars to those who survive.
One sacrifice for a world of beauty for the lucky ones. Some people would get to see the beauty she once saw every night. Feel the warmth it sent coursing through her veins when she lay under the stars until hours past her bedtime and until the sun peeked over the horizon like a recently hatched chick peeking over the egg shells. Belle couldn’t see the stars or the sun on the horizon. She could see a dimly lit moon hanging over the city like a light hanging in the basement.
“Belle.” Belle heard a quiet whisper from behind her.
She turned to see Emma standing behind her.
“Emma!” she stood up and walked towards Emma, “You’re supposed to be asleep!”
Emma wiped her eye, “So are you.”
Belle walked Emma towards the fire escape, “It’s different.”
Emma ducked under her arm and stood rooted with Belle standing between her and the ladder. “I want to see what you come up here for.”
“Fine.”
Belle pulled her to the edge of the roof and Emma attentively sat down on the side. Belle silently closed her eyes and laid down next to Emma. She could hear Emma kicking the side of the roof and opened her eyes to see Emma mesmerized by the world below. Belle sat up and pulled her arm around her sister.
Emma smiled at her, “Just like home.” She said.
“Just like home.” Belle replied.
The two sisters sat at the edge of the building until the sun peeked over the horizon and they climbed back down the ladder and into the room before anyone else realizes they were gone.
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Hello! Care for a review?
This work felt very relaxing and calm to me. Two sisters, chilling on a roof in the middle of the night- it was really quite lovely! There's a few things I noticed though that I thought I'd mention. c:
One thing I felt while reading this, was that I wasn't really sure where the story was going? What's making me continue reading? Where's the action? The drama? The high stakes? Sometimes when I'm writing a story, I have to remember to ask myself: "does my story have a dragon?" A story needs some sort of dragon to propel in onward, to give the characters something to react to, to challenge them, put their skills and morals to the test! It doesn't have to be a dragon- I just mean some sort of antagonist! Be it a dragon, a monster, a natural disaster, a person, a disease, or whatever! It just needs to be something that shakes up your character's life and makes them think and react and all that cool stuff. If that makes sense. And I didn't really feel like your story has a 'dragon', and it didn't seem to allude to one that I could tell! So I thought I'd mention that. I also just thought it was a little short? Who are these characters? We know they're sisters and we know their names, but who are they? What do they love? What do they fear? What do they want?
So a few times I noticed that some sentences were being bogged down by unnecessary words! The above sentence is a bit confusing because the grandfather clock has quite a few words describing it, that really don't tell us anything unique about this particular clock. For instance, "oak" is wood, so it doesn't need to be specified that the clock is wood, because that's already been determined by saying its "oak" c: Also, simply saying its "old" doesn't give us much of an image to go by. Ask yourself: what does an 'old' clock look like? Is it scuffed? Does the second hand get stuck every once in awhile? Assume the reader doesn't have a clue what "old" means, and show us what it means to be old!
This is something I tend to forget to do personally hue hue.Ahhh, the old "what are you doing up at 2 am?!?!!!" -says the other person that's up at 2 am, conversation XD I love it!
So something I noticed here was the word "edge" was used a lot, and sometimes even when it wasn't at all necessary. For instance, in the first sentence, it's repeated in the same breath so to speak, explaining the same thing, and we really don't need the second "edge" because we already know they're on the edge of the roof. And the first time should honestly be enough for the reader to know, for the rest of the paragraph. The reader doesn't need to be reminded. Even the repetition of "roof" isn't super necessary. My advice to you is to just experiment with using those words less and see if it still makes sense- you're still going to need it sometimes, but see if you can write things a little differently to cut as many of those out as possible.
Anyways, this was a lovely read, and I'm interested in knowing what else Emma and Belle will be up to in the future! Keep it up!
-Holysocks
Thank you for the review! Everything you pointed out makes alor of sense! I%u2019ll try to fix it. Thank you!
You're Welcome! c:
Hi Shikora here with a review.

Now I no you want a review to tell you what you need to fix, but to tell you the truth I didn't see anything wring with this work. I found it very interesting. How these two sisters move to some were new and try settle in. I can also see the bond the two sisters have with one another. I can see by the way you wrote your story that their close.
I really like the description you put into this story, It made it a lot more interesting. I know I said I couldn't find anything, but there is still one thing that I think I should point out. It's the description of the girls. I don't really no what they look like. Unless you wanted us to make up what they looked like in our heads then I guess you don't need to worry.
I look forward to seeing what you will write next. Never stop wring and have a great day/night.
Your friend
Shikora.
Thank you so much! I definetly could add more in details to Emma when she is sleeping or comes up and more to Belle when she is sitting on the roof top! thank you!
Your welcome. I'm glad I could help! If you want me to help you some more just let me know.