Love is a lot of things.
Warmth spreading through your body.
A force that controls you.
It is a powerful thing.
~
The first time,
it is strong,
warmth that runs,
through your veins,
in your body,
to your heart.
~
It warms you
but hurts you,
makes you weak,
until you can't breathe.
~
It controls your mind,
making you run,
headfirst, into brick,
just to satisfy,
your aching heart.
~
In the end,
all that's left
are pieces
shattered on
the cold ground.
~
Warmth bleeding.
losing love,
losing hope,
will and all
happiness.
~
They’re all gone,
in a blink
of an eye.
~
But when it heals,
the only thing,
binding it all,
together in one,
is love.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
hi
your poem took me to beautiful place. your narration is good.
i also like that you made audience confused about if they should love or not.
you mentioned both power and weakness of love. I agree with that.
you can improve your writing by adding rhymes . Also you can add little explanation how love can harm you.Like, was that your over expectation from other that hurt us .
Nice work .
keep it up.
Hey! I'm going to try to do a short review...
I like the format of the poem, and the little ~ in between the stanzas. Personally I don't write a ton of poetry, but this one is pretty cool.
"In the end,
all that's left,
is pieces
shattered on
the cold ground."
I believe that it would sound better maybe without the comma after "left" but that's totally up to you. Some of the other commas feel right, but to me that one stuck out as being... Less needed.
For this part: "Their all gone,"
maybe instead of "their" make it a "they're" ? I think that that sounds better.
"A force that controls you.
It is a powerful thing."
I really like this part because it seems so true. Fighting for family and friends and standing by them (almost) no matter what... That's what I connect this to, and I think it's cool. Keep writing!
Thank you! I mix up words and misspell stuff all the time but I didn%u2019t notice the sore comma. Now that I read it, it is weird!
Hi!! I am B!! I just want to write a short review!!!
First off, I just want to state off that I dont believe in love....at the moment, I guess....I am only 15...
I want to start off and say that This was a good heartfelt poem...
I loved how it was all set up, and formatted...
It was a good way of setting you poem up, it shows the feelings.
What I thought you could work on....:
"~
Warmth bleeding.
losing love,
losing hope,
will, happiness.
~"
This was good and all, but a suggestion would be to maybe add the word 'and' into the last lines, between "will," and "Happiness."
And there are a lot of commas, and it flows really well....
Overall: This is a really good poem, and I am impressed!!!
Keep up the good work, and that you for reviewing my poems....
~B
I don%u2019t really know love either since I%u2019m 14 but this is a guess! Anyway thanks!