Empty Breath

by snickerdooly

Published June 27, 2012

In Good poetry :)

Roots grasp for my feet
Reeking of death and hope.
They intertwine themselves,
Through my bones.
Stretching veins and arteries.
I feel the poison soaking into my skin,
Turning everything black.
I’m blind,
And all I can taste is mold from the rotten floorboards.
All I can hear is the drip of the broken faucet.
All I can feel is each molecule of air breathing,
In perfect unison around me.
 
Reaching in front of me I find my way out,
Into the yard bulging with sunlight.
Falling to my knees moisture soaks into my bones.
It slips out of my eyes and falls down my cheeks.
I can taste tears on my lips.
 
Like dropping a stone into the middle of a pond,
A chain reaction begins.
The tears trigger my sight,
And I remember the time we stole glances,
Of the sea from beneath the sand.
The memory triggers my hearing,
And I hear the shrill cries of the ambulance,
As it took you away.
I feel the grip of your hand,
As you intertwine your fingers through mine.
And I feel your empty breath on my cheek.
  
 
 
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
PixieStix
Review
PixieStix wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2012

Hey, Pix here to review!

I really like this poem you've written. There wasn't anything I could really find was wrong with it. I also like the title you've added for it, gave a really good meaning to the poem as well. It was descriptive and very amazing in a way, gave the poem heart-felt emotion. You could really feel what you were feeling while writing it.

Overall, I would give this an 8/10.

~Katie

User avatar
Amberchelli
Review
Amberchelli wrote a review Review · Jun 27, 2012

Wow, that was very interesting, I liked it alot, you weren't able to quit grasp the meaning till the end, and thats a good tactic to keep the reader interested, if i were you, I'd add more about the accident and your connection to the person, readers like to see a bit of backstory, it helps them connect better with the author. Over all it was quite fantastic :P Keep writing and let me know when you post more, you most definitely have the talent.



Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
— Willie Nelson