Redemption Value #2

by snickerdooly

Published February 14, 2011

In Good poetry :)

Warm blankets on a soft bed.
Tonight on this pillow, I will lay my head,
Contemplating upon your cruel deeds.

Forced to remember those fearful times.
You have taken away our childhood,
Ruining little slivers of our lives.

Try fearing everything in your path,

Remember the time, you recruited me into your malicious game?

Imagine having a memory repeat, again and again.

Every. Single. Day.

Five more times you completed the task,
Until one day I was done.

I told you no as I ran away,
Wondering what you thought I would say?

For 4 years you had your break,
Until I had to finally speak.

Not long after I had to tell,
In detailed words about my hell.

The hell that you fabricated for us,
In all your genius and amazing luck.

Many girls you affected in your life,
You should be ashamed for causing such grief, and strife.

It would be lovely to forgive your wicked actions,
Nevertheless I cannot.

Redemption value is approaching,
Sooner or later you will be vanquished.

What you deserve will be served,
Without sympathy,
No soul will feel an ounce of empathy.

Because we have been mistreated by you,
I hope you feel the sadness too.

Without your sick hands or your warped mind,
We will stand up,

Leaving you and this sorrow behind.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
SoulSaver Review
SoulSaver wrote a review Review · Feb 18, 2011

This was a really great poem! I really enjoyed the way the poem rythmed but how it did not rythme the whole time but still went smoothly and flowed really nice. The idea or concept of this poem is very sad and meaningul and that is why O like it so much. Keep writing poetry and watch out for picking words that don't mean what you are trying to say.
Love,
SoulSaver

User avatar
Butterfinger
Review
Butterfinger wrote a review Review · Feb 16, 2011

Well I'm glad to be your first reviewer! It is a bit depressing, but it sounds like in the end there is more hope to be chased after. I love the story line and rhyming that makes it flow and gets the reader into it. I would suggest maybe shorting it a bit and focusing in on the more concrete sensory details so that we're right there with you in those vivid moments. Although, I do like how each line has something to say, another part to add to it. Keep writing!

-Butterfinger!



These were autumn mornings, the time of year when kings of old went forth to conquest; and I, never stirring from my little corner in Calcutta, would let my mind wander over the whole world.
— Rabindranath Tagore, The Cabuliwallah