Roots grasp for my feet
Reeking of death and hope.
They intertwine themselves,
Through my bones.
Stretching veins and arteries.
I feel the poison soaking into my skin,
Turning everything black.
I’m blind,
All I can taste is mold from the rotten floorboards.
All I can hear is the drip of the broken faucet.
All I can feel is each molecule of air breathing,
In perfect unison around me.
Reaching in front of me I find my way out,
Into the yard bulging with sunlight.
Falling to my knees moisture soaks into my bones.
It slips out of my eyes and falls down my cheeks.
I can taste tears on my lips.
Like dropping a stone into the middle of a pond,
A chain reaction begins.
The tears trigger my sight,
And I remember the time we stole glances,
Of the sea from beneath the sand.
The memory triggers my hearing,
And I hear the shrill cries of the ambulance,
As it took you away.
I feel the grip of your hand,
As you intertwine your fingers through mine.
And I feel your empty breath on my cheek.
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137,601 Literary Works • 672,050 Reviews
Wow! This is a great poem! You have great diction, which is possibly the most important aspect in a piece of literature.
I really love the last line in your poem, "And I feel your empty breath on my cheek." and the amazing irony that it poses, because it should be impossible to feel empty breath.
I love how the beginning leads to the end of the poem, which you don't realize until the end, and how the end give you answers that you didn't even know that you were looking for.
Great Job! And if you have time, you might want to check out my poems, "The Flame" and "Midnight", which both also play with a darker theme.
Hey, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to give you a review.
I thought that this was both terrible and beautiful. I say it is terrible because the narrative is so tragic, and that opinion is not in any way reflected on your writing. It's very sad, very feeling, and very terrible in its tragedy.
The imagery that you invoke is absolutely amazing. You have a wonderful way with words.
The line breaks are good, and they help to give the work a little more of a dramatic flavor due to where you stop and start.
I think that it's a little awkward how the stanzas aren't all that even, but you are the author and if you like it that way, that's you choice not mine. I can only offer you my opinion.
To conclude my monologue, you did an amazing job and you are an amazing writer.
Ta-ta!
A review!
This is an awesome poem. I seriously don't know how people write poetry as good as this!
Firstly, I love the way you repeat the "All I can" part in the first section. It just adds to much more to the poem, repeating it and I love the way by you doing this, you capture the senses as well, it gives us so much insight to how this person is feeling.
Another part I like is:
"Like dropping a stone in the middle of a pond,
A chain reaction begins."
I think it's great because one can visualize it perfectly, and know exactly what you're talking about, another part I like of that is the full stop after "begins" so it really adds effect to the poem.
I hope this helped, I'm not the most qualified of people to give a review on poetry but I really hope it helped!
-CFG