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Until then

by silvermoon17


Diving in the waves of summer

Who could ever, who could wonder

About the follies dwelling so very under

But in this wake, no dreams wander

And it is well known that it is the home of monsters.

The branches creaking and groaning in the light

The whirling silence beneath the darkest night

The nameless horror in faceless beast

As on only fear, it takes and feasts.

Sometimes I’d ask what I have become

Empathy has died with love, how fearsome-

What monster have I become? One side pities-

And the other manipulates and has a taste for burnt cities

Who am I truly, why am I so fond of becoming rotten?

The only thing keeping me alive is that I don’t want to be forgotten

So, say; what if I struggle making a monster for you to see

Just so that my mind has a reason for hating me.


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46 Reviews


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Sat Jun 15, 2019 4:56 pm
starryknightt says...



Okay, so, I'd just like to point out how cool it is that like five different people can read the same poem and picture something completely different. I did see how this can connect to depression or just general self-loathing, but my mind went in a completely different direction! Just shows how different we all are.




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46 Reviews


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Sat Jun 15, 2019 4:53 pm
starryknightt wrote a review...



Wow! This was incredible. I so envy those of you who write poems. It's crazy talent right there.

Anyway, my name is M and I'm really here to rant about how talented you are. I'll get started.

I'm seriously having a hard time forming sentences that actually make sense. Your poem has me at a loss for words.

My mind is going wild with this one. I love conflicting feelings, especially in a fantasy setting. I assume you're talking about a dragon in this one, which, by the way, is proof of how awesome you are. Like, poetry is crazy hard. Poetry about a freaking DRAGON?! That's harder. Jeez, you're really good at what you do. However, maybe you weren't talking about a dragon? I mean, I just thought of all sorts of man-becomes-monster things (from Beauty and the Beast to cursed dragons). I think this could apply to many of them.

Your writing in this poem is so precise and perfect. The grammar and punctuation are great. I really couldn't find anything wrong.

I can't wait to read more of your art!

-M




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Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:15 pm
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anu says...



CONGRATULATIONS!! First poem and in literary spotlight!! Well done indeed👍👍




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Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:19 am
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Woah I loved how you made this rhyme! I really like the theme of this, of how powerful the emotions described in this really are. I love how this describes depression (How I interpreted it) and how it really eats at your mind and makes you contemplate life and how you went so far to the bottom. This poem is also so mysterious, captivating, and beautiful. It's amazing for a first poem on YWS! Can't wait to see more of your work! 10/10!




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Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:38 pm
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anu wrote a review...



Hello Silvermoon!
This poem is really well written , I particularly enjoyed the rhyming and the vivid descriptions.

Empathy has died with love, how fearsome-

What monster have I become?
^I especially loved this part, it is very relatable. When we start disliking someone( hate is too strong a word here) we tend to see their negative side only. So true!

The ending was smashing! A beautiful poem by a beautiful poet.
Though I must say the title is a bit out of place ( thats what i think, no offence).

Keep up the good work!




silvermoon17 says...


Give me advice for the title! I%u2019d love to hear you out! And, just so you know; the reason I chose this title is more because I like having vague titles, it sets a more mysterious, unsure tone.



anu says...


Giving vague titles is actually a unique idea!!
Well, other titles for this poem could have been-'The Faceless Beast'(referring to self-hatred) or 'Dwelling Inside My Heart' or something like that.
I guess the latter is a bit vague, cause it could be anything!



silvermoon17 says...


Thanks a lot! I think I%u2019d go for dwelling inside my heart...



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Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:47 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey Silvermoon!

I'm Elinor. Welcome to the site, and thank you for sharing this piece. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope I can give you some advice in hopes that it will help.

I love the central image that you create in this piece, of the narrator underneath water, and considering everything that's going back and fourth in her mind. The one piece of advice I would give you is to make this more succinct, and make the visual metaphor more clear and vivid. What do they feel when they're underwater, and what does it evoke?

That's all for now. Keep writing, and don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions.

Best,
Ellie




silvermoon17 says...


Heyaaaa Elinor! I thank you for this review, and I sure will take your advice :) there just is some point on which I%u2019d like to make myself clear.. the character never was underwater. What you see as a fact, is a metaphor. Saying he%u2019s diving, or under the wave of monsters/wake; is a metaphor. Because the ocean is where you have the slowest, most dreamlike death- drowning. I%u2019m sorry if I%u2019m unclear %uD83D%uDE02




Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
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