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Holes

by silvermoon17


Under starless nights it comes alive

Born to preach as below dawns, they thrive

The gentle trickle of water, in their minds; echoing,

As the blindness of their eyes lay waste to their being.

Built upon faceless hills, by nameless beasts,

It grinds its claws on stone as on silence, it feasts;

Their twisted forms giving way as the others lay unseeing,

The own silence of their screams prone to drive into their being.

As they hold their muffled breaths, ignoring their despairing cries,

They dig deeper and deeper until space and soil around them flies;

Twisted and contorted in their now meaningless decisions,

The light above bids farewell as it chooses not to deepen in their creations

As the dirt closes in around and dust sting their eyes

They stop pounding on the futile hope that someone will save their lives;

Their shrieks of terror turning to voiceless moans as the pain remain

Scorning their rebellious thoughts as they fight to be the same;

And cling to their last fairy tales as their eyes adapt to darkness,

Prone to salvation, they fight for their deaths and lethal sickness,

As their souls adjust to the world’s true form and light,

The echos of their screams drown in the dawn’s smile in the night.


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Points: 53
Reviews: 3

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Mon Aug 05, 2019 1:42 am
Here wrote a review...



Its amazing how one's thought process differs from anothers. Interpretations. As such I would like to share some of my own impressions about the poem.

It is a nightmare. Silence. Being unable to call for help. Feeling so useless. Helplessness. It's dark and it's pulsing. It reminded me of days when I was coming in term with my growth. Its horrible. Especially the time when we start to comprehend how much things are out of our reach or our control. The great vastness. I don't know how the imagery of nightmare reminded me of something so clearly out of context...yet it felt same to me.

"Twisted and contorted in their now meaningless decisions"

There is this, the sentiment. So much helplessness. little by little the nightmare takes form. It becomes a situation. The desperation one feels when giving up a part of oneself.

"As their souls adjust to the world’s true form and light,

The echos of their screams drown in the dawn’s smile in the night."

The nightmare changes the one who wakes from it. As reality breaks into when someone starts to grow up. When reading the poem I felt such. Apart from vagueness of "their", the imagery, the atmosphere and words were pulled to great effect. It was a nice experience. Keep up the great work. And thank you for sharing with us all.




silvermoon17 says...


I%u2019m happy you enjoyed it, %uD83E%uDD17 it%u2019s amazing how you got the impression I was trying to show in the poem just like that. Your review is really heartwarming. Really.



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Points: 65
Reviews: 4

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Fri Aug 02, 2019 12:50 pm
classicdreams wrote a review...



Hello @silvermoon17

Hey there I'm new here and new into the reviews :) but I'll give it a try ...

'' Under starless nights it comes alive '' your start from this poem is so beautiful and I really like this line because yes underneath starless nights is coming everything alive, the Love, but also the dreams we have. The nights are sometimes very dark without any stars, sometimes the nights are very long. But even in starless nights I can find sometimes falling stars :P :)
if you don't see them, just look better ;)

'' fight to be the same; '' that is a very powerful line in this poem, it brings me back to my fighting times :O sometimes it is all hard to understand, sometimes we don't know why we must fight, but if we won, we know actually why this fight has found their place on this time :)

'' eyes adapt to darkness '' woow what ana amzing use of words, this was THE hightlight from this poem, it is my favorite piece :) sometimes without the darkness we can not find the Light because darkness falls wherever the Light shines :)

Well this was a review of mine hopefully you found this review useful

Greets from ; Meg.




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67 Reviews


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Tue Jul 30, 2019 5:33 pm
Awru wrote a review...



Title:Holes
My brain:Coming from moon that could be anything holes in heart,holes in soul,black holes and oh unexpected holes in*whispers*pants.
Silvermoon:Its a completely "positive poem" i wrote
Me:*smirks*I have a hard time believing that.Why i can even feel the sarcasm here!
Reads the poem
Me:Ahaa!I was right
Lol!!Apart from joking i really liked this poem.It was so deep and filled with such intense emotions.The words you chose for this sort of poem strong,complicated ones went really well with the whole idea.It was soo musical despite being uh a bit *cough* depressing its rhythms were quite soothing.Some poems even without the poets intention have different meanings for different people like this one.It resonates uniquely with each person depending on their sufferings.For me it made me feel that life is this absolutely nerve racking journey.I have been digging and digging.My limbs ache from all the pain but the hole is not ending.I can't reach the end.The dirt and dust are the people who don't give a damn how hard i am trying to survive,trying to please them but nope mules they are the first part gave me these feels.The other part made me think of the cruel society for some reason

The echos of their screams drown in the dawn’s smile in the night.

Gawd!!this sent chills down my back.
Scorning their rebellious thoughts as they fight to be the same;

And cling to their last fairy tales as their eyes adapt to darkness,

Sigh

Overall i loved this thought provoking piece

Keep Up the Excellent Work :smt023

peace out




silvermoon17 says...


Thanks a lot for the review! And no. My poem is not about *pants*
There is a style you use when reviewing/ when you reviewed my poem that is kinda original without being offensive. Thanks again!



Awru says...


I am glad its not about pants. That is a very sensitive topic but maybe next time write a poem about holey pants and explore this genre a bit humour that is.
Whoa!! You just reviewed my review :P



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252 Reviews


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Reviews: 252

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Tue Jul 30, 2019 3:20 am
silented1 wrote a review...



Under starless nights it comes alive Good imagery here. Efficient and effective.

Born to preach as below dawns, they thrive

The gentle trickle of water, in their minds; echoing, good use of comma.

As the blindness of their eyes lay waste to their being. This line sounds good, which is good. But you can shorten it to: As their blindness lays waste to their being. It's just a little smoother that way.




silented1 says...


Built upon faceless hills, by nameless beasts,

It grinds its claws on stone as on silence, it feasts; This line makes no sense to me. =[

Their twisted forms giving way as the others lay unseeing,

The own silence of their screams prone to drive into their being.

As they hold their muffled breaths, ignoring their despairing cries,

They dig deeper and deeper until space and soil around them flies;

Twisted and contorted in their now meaningless decisions,

The light above bids farewell as it chooses not to deepen in their creations

As the dirt closes in around and dust sting their eyes

They stop pounding on the futile hope that someone will save their lives;

Their shrieks of terror turning to voiceless moans as the pain remain

Scorning their rebellious thoughts as they fight to be the same; This is a good line. Good rhyme too.

And cling to their last fairy tales as their eyes adapt to darkness,

Prone to salvation, they fight for their deaths and lethal sickness,

As their souls adjust to the world%u2019s true form and light,

The echos of their screams drown in the dawn%u2019s smile in the night.



silvermoon17 says...


Thanks for the review, just wanted to point out that the whole idea behind %u201Cit grinds its claws on stone as on silence; it feasts%u201D is meant to represent, well yeah; holes-
Thanks again!



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Reviews: 562

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Mon Jul 29, 2019 2:16 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to do a short review on your poem, and to help get it out the green room.

Okay let's start.

I will say this poem was no what I was expecting, it was quite different. But I still enjoyed reading it though.
When I saw the name to this wonderful poem, I thought the word Hole meant something else, but now that I have read the poem, I now get what you mean by that,So great choice of name.
I also love your poem, the dark painful tale behind the words you used, and all the deep seated emotion, just makes you feel worried. It almost got my skin crawling with the way you wrote this.
I can very much relate this this poem, I feel like deep inside everyone feels like this, and the only thing to do is to lock it away. So amazing work.
I didn't see anything wrong with you punctuation are your spelling, so great work.

Well I'm done here for now. I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem, I hope I will get to see more works coming from you soon, I hope you post again on YWS soon and keep writing. Have a great day or night ether one.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!




silvermoon17 says...


Thanks a lot for this review, even though my reply probably doesn%u2019t mean much to you; your review is really touching.
Again, if I somehow I was rude to you on my reviews of your work- please remark it. I sometimes overlook completely the fact people have feelings.
I%u2019d just like to know one thing you didn%u2019t really develop..
You said this poem wasn%u2019t what you expected
What were you expecting?





Oh your reply does help me know the review of okay and I didn't upset you.
And your reviews didn't upset me don't worry about it, I would like you to keep reading my story though.
Well when I saw the title was Hole, I thought of the hole in the ground for some funny reason. Not the emotional hole.



silvermoon17 says...


For some funny reason I have no idea what my poem is about except for the title.
Thanks, now I know!





XD glad I could help, with out even knowing it.



silvermoon17 says...


XDDD






silvermoon17 says...


;)




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