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E - Everyone

A thought no one cares to listen to

by silvermoon17


Pictures

They stare at you with lifeless eyes,

The smiles they bear, frozen in time

Their figures unable to mouth their fading cries

As if sharing their wars would be a crime.

Behind each mask is a different hell

These cheery smiles all, or will know they run alone

And the dark circles around their eyes cannot tell

How far they all feel they are from home.

The shadows screaming in his head,

Or the fears creeping until her bed

The trapped feeling the young girl bears

Or the empty holes enamored in his stares.

The memory was just another in a thousand

Those who knew them claimed it as an delinquent juvenile

The scathed field blistered and burned by man’s hand

But on the pictures, they simply smiled.

Rain 

Fallen angels whispering their blessings 

 The innocent tears of forgotten beings

They never grow, never are given a chance

Dreaming in their gloom, turning dust to gold

Unscathed in their spiritual trance**

In the absence of a heart the tears run down cold

Each echo of their life shattering in a million droplets

Each silently wailing for any creature’s help.

Exhaustion finally drives them into the drain’s roaring current

As every little parcel of their being drowns in the same torrent.

Their wails are then scattered by some wind’s gust

But in their mislead, intertwining hearts- lies the same thrust

That the sun will assure their rebirth to all

But the scars remain from their vertiginous fall

And the hope they lived on for days, gnawing on to diminish the pain

Is wasted. Cause no sun warms the content of a drain. 

Winds

The wind blows across stiffened, burnt trees

Whistling for worlds to mend, across burnt cities

I have seen wind before. Have I listened to it though? 

Have I truly, or is it just a lie that I sow..?

The fact I’m so good at lying, is quite a simple fact

My mind gaslights itself so that I believe I am right

But do you care for bristlings? Wind in the leaves,

Or is it just too little a thing for when the wind grieves

Do you feel the beating, or the riddled seas

Or even the gentle touching of the frostied breeze

Do you wonder what kind of dislocated cries it holds

Or the tempests, the maelstroms, the eruptions it has behold

Do you feel the taste of blood, the ashes in your mouth

The freezing, stark cold of a flood, or the spice of the South

The scent of death, slick and hollow; or the one of disease

But no. For you, wind is just a voiceless whisper in the leaves.


Listen to you heart


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User avatar
562 Reviews


Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

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Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:31 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this rainy day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.
So I did see a few things that can be fixed, if this comes across as mean in any way I am very sorry.
Now let's begin.

Here is the first thing I saw.

Those who knew them claimed it as delinquent juvenile

Now the word in bold is spelt write, but I feel like this sentence is missing something to make it flow better, maybe put an a between an and delinquent. That will help.

Onto the next.
The scathed field bllistered and burned by man’s hand

This is just a small spelling mistake, or typo. But you don't need to extra L in blistered.

Next.
They never grow, never are given a chance

There is nothing wrong with the word in bold here, but this would sound better if it was changed to been. Then your sentence would sound like this.
They never grow, never been given a chance

I think that sounds better and gives it a better flow.

Last one.
Wind blows across stiffened, burnt trees

There is nothing wrong with this word ether but there should be a 'the' before wind. It will make the sentence sound better.

Well that was all I could see. I really love this poem, it's full of emotion, and that emotion is so strong it stays with the reader throughout the whole poem. And I just loved that.
Another thing I really liked was the story you were telling us, that with the emotions just made it so much better.
And your choice of words were amazing, I couldn't have picked better words to bring across what was needed to be felt.
You did an amazing job, and I look forward to reading more of your works. So don't you ever stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




User avatar
52 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 52

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Sat Jun 22, 2019 4:27 am
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Woah, this poem was so deep and amazing! I really love how much your rhymes and flow is improving with every one of your poems! I really like your poem style and how you are seemingly so good at making rhymes and such, it really shows your potential as a possible future poem writer! I honestly found all these poems to very beautiful and have their own sad but lovely and unique charm to each of the poems written here.

Now one thing I want to point out that slightly confuses me is why are the words like "Smile" for example cross out for in the first poem? I thought it might be metaphorical for saying there isn't really a smile there perhaps along with the other words cross out but at the same time, it sort of feels like maybe an accidental text/keyboard glitch perhaps? It doesn't ruin the first poem in any way or make it worse, and I understand the message and themes behind it but it does seem odd unless again I am missing something? Just a thing I wanted to point out.

The same goes for the second and third poem of the weird text thing? Like there are two "*" symbols next to the "Spiritual Trance" in the second poem. And in the third poem is in italics so again I'm wondering if it represents something in each of the messages of the poems or if it's just a text glitch? It seems like maybe it represents something but I wouldn't know what. If it does I would love to know since your writing invokes deep emotions and really makes the reader think about the messages and themes your writing.

Ultimately your writing is very emotionally and thought provoking to readers and writers. I can see you have a lot of potentials especially since your 13 showing that you seem to have a somewhat deep understanding of things which I appreciate in younger writers since it seems sort of rare now a days. Anyway keep writing, can't wait to see more from you.




silvermoon17 says...


umm for the whole smiles crossed out part, you might notice how i crossed out ever PoSiTivE thing, basically everything I tried to show was FaKe.
the two stars are for longer pauses and also to show something should be said, but is censored since I'm afraid it shall only be rejected.
the italic of the third poem is supposed to represent the waves of the wind, the rustling- you know, that kind of thing- but is also used to show how each message in this poem, even though the nature and style differ- they really hold the same meaning behind each other. that's what i tried to say ^^
thanks for your review, I'm already working on my review for your next poem. I appreciate the last bit of your review.. although if it does not pain you.. might i know what age you yourself are ?
thanks again for your review!





No problem! And thank you for explaining the poems, it really helped me understand them even more and their meanings behind each poem! ANd thank you for writing another review of my work! Also, I'm 16, it said so on my profile for YWS!



silvermoon17 says...


Yup sorry. Didn%u2019t see ^^




“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu