Young Writers Society

Hi. I think this is a very interesting poem. It's so important to know who we are but sometimes it can be really difficult, almost impossible. I specially like "She sways to the symphony of violins, lifting her into the clouds until the orchestra breaks to the swelling of a heaving bass, rising and falling And she wakes up.". I just think that you explain something that can be so complicated to so many people. When you are so happy, dreaming with open eyes, but then it ends, and you realize how horrible it's the reality. In the first lines you can see a contradiction "Something sweet is also sour", I think it shows how a person can be something and the opposite at the same time. You also said in a reply, "That's my story", I really like when the author of a poem is more part of it then we could imagine when we first read it. The author isn't just the one who wrote it but also the poem. That made me like this poem even more!

Hi there @shayspeare I am here to do a review on your work, so worning before I really start I just want to say that I'm a bit rusty because I have not done this in a while so pleas just keep that in mind if my reviews bad and a head of time sorry if it is. now lets get right into it ~

Something calm is also chaos.

She’s oblivious to the world.

Something sweet is also sour.

She wishes to rule with her iron fist.

And something intelligent is also dumb.

A world where everything is a grey area.

Everything is a pang of panic; a surge of wonder.

‘Yes? No?’ rings though the rapid pound of the drums.

But, in the end, it’s a swelling urge of solitude.

Very interesting poem!! I can't decide whether I like the formatting; I think it does serve purposes in some places (like the first stanza) but seems unnecessary in other places (like the last one). I really like your phrasing. You write beautifully and your word choice is impeccable (e. g., the alliteration on "pang of panic" and the poetic wonder of "an aria of with and opinion without consequence").

In my opinion, I think you needn't cut off line 13 so soon; I think the poem would flow better if you separated it like "until the orchestra breaks to the swelling of a heaving bass/rising and falling/and she wakes up". But that's just my opinion. I totally get if you ignore that; we all have our particularities with our pieces.

I think the formatting of the last stanza reduces the impact it could have. I wonder about the use of "But now" AND "and now." It seems like you're essentially repeating the same thing, just with prepositions that mean slightly different things. Please tell me what was meant by this; I am, as you put it, "something intelligent [who] is also dumb."

I think my favorite parts were the first and third stanzas. This poem was so intriguing. I wonder if there's a story behind it, or if you just spit this out one day and thought "no idea where this came from." Overall: lovely poem!! I look forward to reading more from you.

--Silverquill12