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E - Everyone

Who

by shayspeare


Something calm is also chaos.

She’s oblivious to the world.

Something sweet is also sour.

She wishes to rule with her iron fist.

And something intelligent is also dumb.

--

A world where everything is a grey area.

Everything is a pang of panic; a surge of wonder.

‘Yes? No?’ rings though the rapid pound of the drums.

But, in the end, it’s a swelling urge of solitude.

--

She’s an aria of wit and opinion without consequence.

Her ballad races the Tour de France without break.

She sways to the symphony of violins, lifting her into the clouds

until the orchestra breaks to the swelling of a

heaving bass, rising and falling

And she wakes up.

--

But now,

And now,

Who am I?


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35 Reviews


Points: 66
Reviews: 35

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Sun Apr 26, 2020 11:33 am
MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi. I think this is a very interesting poem. It's so important to know who we are but sometimes it can be really difficult, almost impossible. I specially like "She sways to the symphony of violins, lifting her into the clouds until the orchestra breaks to the swelling of a heaving bass, rising and falling And she wakes up.". I just think that you explain something that can be so complicated to so many people. When you are so happy, dreaming with open eyes, but then it ends, and you realize how horrible it's the reality. In the first lines you can see a contradiction "Something sweet is also sour", I think it shows how a person can be something and the opposite at the same time. You also said in a reply, "That's my story", I really like when the author of a poem is more part of it then we could imagine when we first read it. The author isn't just the one who wrote it but also the poem. That made me like this poem even more!




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293 Reviews


Points: 19048
Reviews: 293

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Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:16 am
Vulcanite wrote a review...



Hi there @shayspeare I am here to do a review on your work, so worning before I really start I just want to say that I'm a bit rusty because I have not done this in a while so pleas just keep that in mind if my reviews bad and a head of time sorry if it is. now lets get right into it ~

Something calm is also chaos.

She’s oblivious to the world.

Something sweet is also sour.

She wishes to rule with her iron fist.

And something intelligent is also dumb.


Okay so I like how you started this off it is already getting thinking and wanting to carry on, I mite just say that I read the first review on this so I do no why it is formatted like that, and for this being written two years ago I just think you should say that at the top, just to tell people that it was a while back, so it mite not be as good as what you can do now. but other then that tiny thing I really like how your formatted it, I've seen a lot of works like this and I kind of like them.

A world where everything is a grey area.

Everything is a pang of panic; a surge of wonder.

‘Yes? No?’ rings though the rapid pound of the drums.

But, in the end, it’s a swelling urge of solitude.
Okay so I these line I have notes ed that there are a lot of fool stops on every line witch I'm not really sure that you needed that, but any way, the word that I put into bold is pang because I'm just not really sure that it fits in the line very well. But I mite be wrong, I'm just saying what I think about it.
I will say that I really liked the poem and sore nothing else that was bothering me.

so that is all that I can say I loved reading this and hope to read more of your works in the future, I hope you liked this review, I'm rusty so it mite not have been very good.

I hope you have a great Day/Night

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews




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43 Reviews


Points: 431
Reviews: 43

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Fri Apr 24, 2020 11:56 pm
silverquill12 wrote a review...



Very interesting poem!! I can't decide whether I like the formatting; I think it does serve purposes in some places (like the first stanza) but seems unnecessary in other places (like the last one). I really like your phrasing. You write beautifully and your word choice is impeccable (e. g., the alliteration on "pang of panic" and the poetic wonder of "an aria of with and opinion without consequence").

In my opinion, I think you needn't cut off line 13 so soon; I think the poem would flow better if you separated it like "until the orchestra breaks to the swelling of a heaving bass/rising and falling/and she wakes up". But that's just my opinion. I totally get if you ignore that; we all have our particularities with our pieces.

I think the formatting of the last stanza reduces the impact it could have. I wonder about the use of "But now" AND "and now." It seems like you're essentially repeating the same thing, just with prepositions that mean slightly different things. Please tell me what was meant by this; I am, as you put it, "something intelligent [who] is also dumb."

I think my favorite parts were the first and third stanzas. This poem was so intriguing. I wonder if there's a story behind it, or if you just spit this out one day and thought "no idea where this came from." Overall: lovely poem!! I look forward to reading more from you.

--Silverquill12




shayspeare says...


Okay, so this poem was written maybe two years ago. I was inspired by the format of a poem about two different girls; one about the life of a girl who buys Nike shoes; the other, a girl in a sweatshop who makes Nike shoes. It was for a class assignment.

There is a story behind it. It's actually about myself, but at two different points in time. That's my story.




"When a body moves, it's the most revealing thing. Dance for me a minute, and I'll tell you who you are."
— Mikhail Baryshnikov