Little snowflakes—
The fuzzy embroidery of heaven on my windows;
Yet, when I touch the watery solid with the warm flesh of my fingers, it's not heaven at all I'm seeing.
It's purgatory on Earth: not quite heaven, but at least not hell.
The climatic pests of sweat and back-breaking labor, The swarm of heat that pulses against the brain screaming,
"Seriously!"
As the consequences of winter unfold:
Doors erode into placement with their rust,
Engines sucked of their life as the moisture devours their battery.
From afar, winter appeals to those of a warmer climate who flock to the cold like the geese return north when winter ends;
Yet, real life smacks you in the face:
Noses red as strawberries,
Necks bundled in layer after layer after layer of scarves,
Hats wrapping around your face,
Your body surrendering to the cold.
No matter how many pairs of gloves that compress against your hands,
No matter how many sweaters you pack underneath your coat,
It's never enough.
Winter is a demon
Disguised as an angel.
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I like the concept of this poem, and can def relate to the idea of winter being a lot nicer from afar until you think about it. c:
This is such a lovely and unique image, and I like that it also suggests that maybe this "fuzzy embroidery" is too good to be true (since snow, after all, is made of water, not thread).
Pretty on-the-nose comparisons between purgatory, heaven and hell there, but I guess it's neat to see purgatory at all mentioned in a poem. Mostly I've seen heaven and hell getting most of the attention.
The sudden dialogue bit/ speech also caught me off-guard. It's kind of unusual to see that in a poem, and it also doesn't appear elsewhere in the text.
I like how physical and down-to-earth these images are, showing the physical discomfort of winter.
Nice work!
Very true, and the structure is beautiful. All I would say is that maybe some more descriptive words would be beneficial. Overall, a great story.
Hello shayspeare! Incoming review!
I personally think the last "after layer" doesn't build upon the layering imagery as would just 2 "after layer" repeats. In my head I'm thinking the substantial amount of layers in the scarves is much, yet little for it can only hold in heat, not block out cold. But this is your decision.I have a huge bias towards Winter and you told the hard truth in your work. With that said, let's get on with the review.
I'll start out with critique.
I don't have much to say in the realm of critique here. The only thing I could find would be this line,
With the critique out of the way, let me praise your wonderful work.
Your use of imagery is astounding. These laines caught my eye in particular,
Most times, complex imagery like this gets me confused and deters me from the work, but you handled it so elegantly and it was clear.
The commentary of Winter appealing to people of warmer climates makes me feel called out a lil. But it's true. I wish I could live in a cold climate but the reality of never being warm, snow, and difficulty traveling makes it not a "Winter Wonderland."
The last thing I would like to praise and comment on a little is this I do not believe in a purgatory or hell but your use of it paints a picture and many audience's heads. Water is a great visual medium in poetry. There are 3 states. Ice (solid), water (liquid), and steam (gas). And I think that fits well with your heaven, purgatory, and hell visualization.
But anyway that's all from me today, I hope you found some of this useful. This was my first review in a while so I'm sorry if it was shaky. Have a wonderful day and stay gold. Anyway byeeeeeeeee <3
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
I loved this take on winter!! I feel that most poems do tend to overly romanticize it. As a big fan of winter, I do disagree with your take, but I think you did a really nice job of putting a spin on all of the not so great parts of winter.
One thing I really enjoyed was your way of phrasing things. I know that's not the best way to put it, but some of your comparisons/imagery were absolutely delightful. The starting lines and ending lines were both equally strong; I loved that almost record-scratch transition from your flowing lines at the beginning, making us think that this is going to be another poem romanticizing winter, before you take it in an entirely different route. That line towards the end about how "it's never enough" was also strangely moving. And then your finale was amazing; I loved the celestial beings comparison.
One thing I was a little iffy on was some of your line breaks. I thought your line lengths were a little inconsistent, which isn't to say they have to be consistent; I just think that you had some realllllly long lines that probably could have been broken up/shortened. I felt like the line contrast didn't particularly add to the rhythm either, but visually, it was just too different.
Overall: nice work!! I think this was a lovely little tongue in cheek poem about the detriments of winter, a nice contrast to the usual poems about it. I hope to read more of your work on here soon! Until next time!!
This was a funny poem to read! I think that most of the time,Winter is painted as this magical Heaven…when,in reality,it’s unforgiving cold.It was a nice change of pace from a poem about Winter.I have enjoyed reading this funny and short but sweet poem.Great job on it! I hope you have a lovely day/night.