Chapter 9

by shaniac

Published September 24, 2018

E - Everyone

In What Happened to Benjamin Marcos?

June 10, 2018

Ronnie decided to, in her days laying in bed recovering, to gather more information about the unsolved Benjamin Marcos case. The only problem was most of the newspapers were either in the pile that fell with her or still in the attic, and she knew if she asked Jayson or her grandma to grab those papers, it would bring some suspicion to what she was doing. Ronnie spent her time idly reading mystery novels that were on her bookcase and coming up with a better gameplan to retrieve the papers.

One evening while Ronnie was munching down on some chips, the doorbell rang. The sound echoed throughout the entire house before weighing down on Ronnie's shoulders. She placed the bowl of chips nearby on a deskside table and reached for the crunches that were leaning against the wall nearby, anchoring them under her armpits. Hobbling, she made to the bedroom window and saw that Natalie was standing at the door, carrying a large cardboard box in her hands.

"Why does she have that?" Ronnie asked aloud. As she continued to stare, her grandma opened the front door and greeted Natalie. Their conversation was faint from downstairs and she could hear her grandma give an extended version of why Ronnie wasn't out and about in town. She sighed, annoyed with the tale. Her grandma, known as the town gossip, spread the accident like thin jam on toast. Strangers and family friends would come by the house to drop off assorted treats and get well soon baskets with atrocious stuffed animals and perfumey soaps.

Ronnie hobbled back to her bed, resting the crutches on the same wall. She could hear Natalie's soft footsteps coming up the carpeted staircases. Ronnie slid under the covers of the bed, wincing slightly at the light bruising that was still forming on the back of her legs. As she was settling in, the bedroom door opened and Natalie stepped through. "Hey, Ronnie."

Ronnie croaked, "Hey, Natalie. What's in that box?"

Natalie closed the bedroom door and set the box on the bed. "It's full of some things that may or may not interest you. My mom found them when cleaning in the attic." She untucked the box lids and slid it towards Ronnie.

Moving up on her pillows, Ronnie peeked inside of the box and silently gasped. Newspapers, a few books, and an old photograph were all placed neatly. She grabbed at the different items and then placed them to the side of her. Natalie watched from afar at the childlike glee her best friend had when unpacking the box.

"How did you get all of these?" Ronnie asked, stopping for a moment to glance up.

Natalie shrugged. "My mom believes we had a family friend that was linked to the Marcos case and they gathered it as if they were to solve it."

Ronnie blinked for a moment. "Marcos? Isn't your last name Marcos?"

Natalie opened and closed her mouth for a moment before forming her lips into a line. "Does that mean-"

Ronnie's eyes widen as she looked back down at the box. I'm in possession of the person who was killed. I'm one step closer to figuring out who killed Benjamin Marcos from a possible family member, Ronnie thought to herself.

"I don't like this expression you have on your face, Ronnie," Natalie quipped, crossing her arms. "But I do know that since I'm most likely connected to this guy, I'm going to have to help you solve it."

Ronnie rolled her eyes and smiled. "What if you weren't related to this guy? Would you still help me?"

"Not as much."

They shared a brief laugh before digging more into this box. Ronnie went on about her evidence that she acquired, ranting about how careless her grandma was about putting it away.

"Why do you think your grandma has all of this stuff?" Natalie asked, now laying sideways on the foot of the bed.

Ronnie was sitting up now, carefully taking the last of the items out of the box and placing them on the bed. "I'm forming this theory that she knew Benjamin Marcos as a friend and wanted to keep the newspapers and what-have-yous as some sort of memory, I guess."

Natalie hummed, picking up a photograph. It was of Benjamin with a guy who looked to be wearing a black suit and sporting a shady haircut. "Do you ever think about what it was like to live back then?"

Ronnie shrugged, looking up. "Sometimes. I wouldn't travel to that time period, but from what I've read and seen, it's a pretty nice era."

"Yeah," Natalie said, placing the image back in the box. "Aside from the murder rates in bigger cities, I think it'd be a nice era to live in." She then looked at Ronnie's clock that was next to her bed. She then gasped and rolled out of bed, moving onto Ronnie's legs. This earned a sudden yelp as Ronnie reached down and held her leg. Tears started forming in the corners of her eyes as she glared up at her friend.

"Sorry, Ronnie. I have to go. My mom told me to home at 6 and it is almost 6:30," Natalie said as she neared the bedroom door. "We can do more of this tomorrow if you want?"

Ronnie nodded with a pained smile on her face. Natalie returned the smile and left the room, closing the door behind her. Ronnie yawned, reaching for all the emptied things that came out of the box. She grabbed a clipping that was cut out from the rest of the newspaper and began reading the words:

"In the late hours of the night, the murder of Benjamin Marcos was left up in the air. Cops and gentleman alike were discovering, with best intentions, of why this man died. Clues were gone like vapor into the air and created tension through the investigation. A week later or so, Fredrick Damon, a close friend of Benjamin Marcos, is discovered dead inside of his smoked car. Some speculate this was a sign of protest. Others formulate this was a suicide, to cope with his friend's death. And a few are considering a chance of-"

The rest of the article was faded out by years of wear. She set it back inside of the box, along with the rest of the items. The evening sun slid down behind the trees, casting a golden hue across her bed and room. She laid in bed for a moment, after placing the box by her bed, and stared at the ceiling. There was a lot that she knew and Ronnie began to think more into what to expect if she really dug deeper into the case. The thoughts continued to waver into nothingness as Ronnie fell asleep. 

Comments & reviews · 3
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Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2018

Hello again!!

I went back through my notes, and I could have sworn there was already the realization that Benjamin and Natalie have the same last name and could therefore be related. I feel like I mentioned that in a review before, but maybe not... In any case, Natalie and Ronnie are both smart people. Why would it take them this long to realize and why would it be such a revelation that Ronnie and Benjamin share the same last name?

When I went back in my notes to check for that little detail, I also remembered that it was Natalie that originally brought the case up to Ronnie. Ronnie has really taken the reigns with it which is great, but why does Natalie have to ask to help when she was the one that got the train rolling in the first place?

The present day chapters don't have the same excitement that the flashback chapters. I think it's because there's so much built in drama and suspense when someone is dealing with the aftermath of a murder they committed, whereas in present times we're just watching them try to solve it which doesn't have that same natural drama (especially since we the readers already know who did it).

Perhaps there could be a subplot going on while all of this mystery work is happening. I'm always up for a romantic subplot :) but it wouldn't have to be romantic. I think there needs to be more happening other than Ronnie and Natalie trying to find clues because all of the present day chapters start to run together and I'm not convinced we're moving forward. What else is going on?

I think it will be suuuuuper interesting to see how Ronnie handles it when she realizes her grandmother was the killer. And, it will be interesting to see what she thinks of it now and how she processes those events now.

I'll leave things there for now, but as always let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention, and I'll see you in the next segment! :D

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Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review Review · Sep 25, 2018

Hey shan! I'm back as always for a review. I'm a little short on time today, so this one might have to be quick.

I like the bonding here and the opportunity for character development it gives. In particular, I liked how you showed Ronnie's opinion of all the people who would come try to give her well wishes and bring food and such - it's a neat little insight into her character and to me says that she's both practical and a bit embarrassed at what happened to her, which is why she doesn't want people making a big deal of it.

The part where Natalie accidentally hurt Ronnie felt clunky - "moving onto her legs" is such an awkward phrase. Try "jostled," or "shifted." Similarly, "Ronnie reached down and held her leg" just doesn't convey the sudden movement that that would have logically been. It makes it seem like she did it deliberately, rather than as a reaction to the pain. Try "Ronnie seized her leg" or something similar.

The moment of "isn't your last name Marcos?" felt odd to me because just a few chapters ago, Ronnie had thought of the exact same thing, so she already is thinking along those lines. No reason to retrace those steps. Instead, just jump straight to "yeah, your last name is Marcos, so you must be related!"

I'm in possession of the person who was killed.

This sentence just didn't make sense to me. She has the person who was killed? I think what she's saying is she has a picture now of Benjamin, but that's honestly a wild guess, I'm really confused.

One last thing - I think the article clipping could do with a rewrite. It's hard to tell what type of article it is, and overall it just doesn't feel like something I'd read in the newspaper. The style is a little too awkward (the way you change from past to present is strange, when was the article written exactly? Right after Fredrick's death?) and it jumps from one thing to the next in a way that feels unclear, even though we as readers know what's going on behind it all.

But yeah, I think my favorite part about this chapter was the characters and the way you let them develop, it was fun to read and their relationship feels more real now. That's all I've got time for today, so I'll leave it at that, and see you next week!

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mellifera
Review
mellifera wrote a review Review · Sep 24, 2018

hey shan!! I'm back for some more.

<3


Ronnie decided to, in her days laying in bed recovering, to gather more information


Instead of splitting the sentence in half and interrupting with "in her days laying in bed recovering", I think I would have started with that? "In her days laying bed recovering, Ronnie decided too-" and so on, since it's slightly distracting and there's a repetitive "to" before and after the interruption. This is just as a heads up here and if it comes up again (even though I,, need to stop commenting on line-to-line stuff rip).


Out of curiosity- if the fall was bad enough that Ronnie needs crutches, was she ever taken to a doctor, specialist, or hospital?


The sound echoed throughout the entire house before weighing down on Ronnie's shoulders.


Why does the sound weigh down on Ronnie's shoulders? Does she not want to get up to answer it?

spread the accident like thin jam on toast.


I really like this comparison??? I think I would've worded it differently though, like- spread the accident like too little jam over toast? I don't know, there's nothing inherently wrong with this way though so maybe just ignore me lol.

Ronnie peeked inside of the box and silently gasped.


silently gasped?

[I'm in possession of the person who was killed.[/I]


Natalie wasn't killed though? Unless I'm,, reading this wrong.

"But I do know that since I'm most likely connected to this guy, I'm going to have to help you solve it."


I love that Natalie's like, oh. I'm related to him. Guess I gotta help now you don't have a choice it's happening.


Natalie makes it sounds like she knows something about Benjamin personally, but then when Ronnie asks if she wasn't related to him would she be able to help, and Natalie says "not as much", which kinda contradicts that? And y'know, her only just bringing this up now. Maybe have Natalie mentioning that she knows someone in her family that could help, or maybe she did research of her own that was family exclusive? I'm not sure, but I wanted to bring it to your attention.


"Sometimes. I wouldn't travel to that time period, but from what I've read and seen, it's a pretty nice era."


I love that Ronnie makes it sounds like she totally could travel back in time but is choosing not to lol


does Natalie? not care that she just hurt Ronnie?


yay! bonding! sorry I'm,, a sucker for relationship development. And description, but I'm pretty sure you already knew that lol. Still! I like that we got to see Natalie and Ronnie's dynamic, and !!!! they're gonna do some hunting together!! I'm excited for when Ronnie's back in commission and they can really kick things into gear.


I think that's all I have for today! I'm always around if you have any questions about anything I mentioned, and keep up the good work!!

I hope you're having a lovely time <3

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