z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Chapter 1

by shaniac


May 24, 2018

The summer heat is horrible for Ronnie Storkhill. She is sitting idly in a black lawn chair, staring at a dying patch of grass. Her brown hair sticks to the nap of her neck and the shirt she was wearing felt like a thick blanket across her body. Her brother, Jayson, is running around with their grandma's brown and white corgi, Buster, who is nipping playfully at his heels. She wonders the amount of energy her brother has and questions how he could run around in this heat. Humming, Ronnie bends over and picks up a lonely dandelion. Their mom and dad were on vacation all around Europe and gave the excuse about how the trip was only for them or according to her mom, "a couple's only resort". It really stung Ronnie knowing that her parents left her with her brother for three months. At least there was a good side to the problem. Their grandma, Patsy Storkhill, was kind enough to offer a watchful eye over the two siblings.

The house was on the edge of Kansas in a town called Shanesburg that boasts a giant corn statue. The only few things that Ronnie would consider fun to do is walking to a general store and buying soda, but with the heat rising, it was harder to even try. Besides for the gas station, there was a school, a McDonald's, and a police station; there was really nothing to do. Most of Ronnie's friends were out for the summer, vacationing somewhere around California's coast or hiking in the Appalachian Mountains.

A fly buzzes near Ronnie's ear and she thoughtfully fans at it. As she continues to stare at the dying green grass, someone runs up the dirt driveway. Jayson stops running and raises a hand over his eyes. Natalie Marcos, Ronnie's best friend, appears to be carrying something in her left hand and against the summer sun, her face is cherry red.

"Ronnie, your friend is here!" Jayson turns around and yells. Buster barks and runs over but stops after Jayson calls out. Ronnie looks up and blinks in confusion. She stands up and walks over as Natalie nears the house. Panting, Natalie bends over with a paper in her hand.

"Natalie, what're you thinking of running in this heat?" Ronnie asks, narrowing her eyes.

"My mom's working and I needed the run," Natalie panted and stood up, wobbling for a moment. She then hands Ronnie a newspaper clipping and goes back to bending over to catch her breath. Ronnie with the clipping in hand raises it to her eyes and reads it. There is an old ad for sneakers printed in black against the white background and further down there is another ad for bathing solutions with a lady drawn with soap bubbles over her body.

"What am I looking at?" Ronnie boredly asks.

Natalie stands up again with breathe caught and grabs the newspaper clipping. She then turns it around and shoves the headline in her best friend's face. Man Dead, Party Host's Disappearance, And Questions Continue To Rise it reads and this grabs Ronnie's attention. In her past time, she would spend hours looking up crime cases. Her search history was probably questionable to the FBI, but that didn't worry Ronnie as it was something she enjoys and if someone stopped her from liking it, there were always books.

Just under the headline details the events of what happened and Ronnie begins to mutter under her breath, reading each paragraph quickly. At the end of the newspaper clipping reads: "No one is for sure what happened to Benjamin Marcos that night. For now, the case continues remains unsolved as clues pile up" and just that little line grabs her attention. Ronnie looks up after reading and smiles at Natalie, who is scared of what plan her friend has.

"What's that smile suppose to mean, Ronnie?" Natalie asks.

"It means my summer is about to be more interesting, thanks to this newspaper clipping."

"Oh, thank god. I thought you were going to say something crazier," Natalie said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I figured you'd enjoy it because of crime and stuff. Your bread and butter."

Before Ronnie could respond, Patsy opens the front door and says, "Jayson, Ronnie. Time to come inside. I have lunch ready." She then sees Natalie and smiles warmly, "Hello, Miss Marcos. Would you like some lunch?"

Natalie's stomach grumbled and she sheepishly nodded, walking to the door. Jayson ran with Buster while Ronnie stood in her spot, rereading the newspaper clipping. Her grandma looked over and sighed.

"Ronnie, come on. You can't stand in this heat. You'll pass out and I don't want your folks to come home to that," her grandma said thinly. She finally closed the door, leaving her granddaughter outside. There was too much happening in Ronnie's mind that she didn't really need lunch. Though, her grandma did have point. Standing too long outside did some weird things to her head. Eventually, Ronnie did go inside. Her brother and Natalie were munching down on ham and cheese sandwiches.

She then sat down next to Natalie, grabbing a sandwich off a tray. She sets the newspaper clipping on the table and begins eating her sandwich. Patsy was in her bedroom at the end of the hallway, watching the TV. Jayson stands up from the table and heads to his room, stuffing two more sandwiches into his mouth. Natalie and Ronnie remain, munching silently on their sandwiches.

"Hey, Ronnie, why does your grandma have that sign?" Natalie suddenly asks, gesturing to the wall. Looking up, Ronnie notices the sign that is hung neatly on a nail. The sign reads "nothing says oops like accidental murder" written in wooden curvy letters and just reading it settles a stone in her throat.

"I have no idea," Ronnie answers slowly. She stuffs the remaining sandwich in her mouth and gets up. Unhooking the sign, she then begins to walks back to the table and lays the sign there. Something spurs her brain as it prompts the newspaper clipping. Clearly, it was a stretch to think that the two things could be connected but the possibility was definitely entertaining. 


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Tue Aug 21, 2018 5:12 pm
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elysian wrote a review...



wifeeee <3 excited to read on!

**disclaimer: I will most likely focus on negative aspects more so than positive aspects when reviewing, and this is just to help you grow as a writer! It is totally okay not to agree with something I say! Also, If I repeat anything already said, it's probably because it needs to be changed!**

Their mom and dad were on vacation all around Europe and gave the excuse about how the trip was only for them or according to her mom, "a couple's only resort".


Mom and Dad should be capitalized, and I would put a comma after or, before according.

A fly buzzes near Ronnie's ear and she thoughtfully fans at it.


how does one...thoughtfully fan? It doesn't really make sense here.

"Natalie, what're you thinking of running in this heat?" Ronnie asks, narrowing her eyes.


this also doesn't make a lot of sense when you say it out-loud. Try, "what're you thinking, running in this heat?"

it reads


this doesn't need to be italicized.

so, are we not even going to acknowledge the fact that they have the same last name?

hmm. okay, so again, description is lacking. variation is lacking. Every sentence is subject verb. try switching up the syntax and showing more than saying he did this, she was doing that, mom was in here, etc.

I also think that was a bit of an abrupt ending, and a little too obvious of foreshadowing if the sign does indeed have a place in this crime. it's not very suspenseful at all. I don't think that if that sign has always been there, it would stick out to them as they had already registered it in their mind as permanently there, you know what I mean?

i love you, and this idea. I know a lot I say is negative but I do think the purpose of the first draft is to get an idea and plot down, which I know you're doing a good job of. These comments are all for deepening your writing for your second draft <3

much love wifey.

- del




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Sat Jul 28, 2018 2:31 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again!! Sorry I've been so slow to get caught up!

After reading the first chapter, I do think the prologue will beneficial to the story because we the reader will have seen (in some ways) the murder and have context for what the mystery is going to be about. It reminds me a little of One of Us is Lying by Karen McManus where the beginning of the novel shows a group of kids in detention, we see one of them die, and then the rest of the novel is a great who done it.

I'm feeling the third person-present tense too. It's detached enough that it feels like we have a birds-eye view of what's happening in this moment, which really works for a mystery. I'll comment later on whether it could also work as first person and whether that might be something worth playing with.

Natalie Marcos. Could she possible be related to Benjamin Marcos??? ;)

I was a little surprised that Natalie didn't comment on that when she showed Ronnie the newspaper clipping? Does she know she has a connection to Benjamin or does she notice the last name connection? Is that why she's drawn to the story or is it simply an unsolved murder that piques her interest?

I think you gave away a little too much. I know from the description I read in the writers corner that the grandma killed him, but as a reader, I don't want to be suspicious of her yet. Noticing the sign and having Ronnie think it's a stretch it could be connected makes me immediately think grandma is suspect #1 . I think introducing us to the murder in this chapter through the newspaper article is fine, but I would avoid the connection to grandma and any suspicion of who it might be. I want to feel shocked when we discover it was grandma.

I love that the parents are away and grandma is watching them this summer though, especially knowing that she was the killer! I foresee that when Ronnie and company figure that out it's going to create some drama :) Can't wait!!

Let me know if you have any questions or if there's something you'd like feedback about that I didn't mention! :D




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Wed Jul 18, 2018 2:21 am
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mellifera wrote a review...



Wife!!! I'm late but y'know, better late than never, amiright?? no? oh...well, onwards anyway.


The summer heat is horrible for Ronnie Storkhill.


wOW what a bood.

She is sitting idly in a black lawn chair, staring at a dying patch of grass. Her brown hair sticks to the nap of her neck and the shirt she was wearing felt like a thick blanket across her body.


"oh man it's hot, let's get out a chair of the colour that absorbs the most heat"
In other less sarcastic news, I think you meant 'to the nape of her neck' and not the 'nap of her neck' unless there is something napping on her neck which I hiGHGH doubt but y'know. And uh, since you're writing in present tense, you switch the past part of the way through there ("the shirt she was wearing felt like a thick blanket" should be "the shirt she's wearing feels like a thick blanket") and OH BOY do I know all about switching tense and I give you a pat of the back for doing present tense because it is...an experience lol.

She wonders the amount of energy her brother has


She wonders at? She wonders about? I feel like this could use a second word in there to support "she wonders" because it doesn't really specify...how she's wondering? I guess?

Their grandma, Patsy Storkhill, was kind enough to offer a watchful eye over the two siblings.


*squints*


-Also I'm loving the atmosphere, just in the first paragraph? It's got Very Big summery vibes and even though summer is Gross and I Hate It, I like how you set it up and?? It's great to READ it, summer is fine in words I just...don't exist in summer. But I love the way you set it up here so <3


-I DO have a small complaint about the length of the paragraphs though? It can get tiring to read when the paragraphs are so long without a break, so I would try to section your paragraphs off a little more so you don't have Scary Big Blocks of Text.


The house was on the edge of Kansas in a town called Shanesburg that boasts a giant corn statue.


Is the corn statue at the house or just, generally in Shanesburg? This doesn't really, make that very clear and I am a little confused but that also might just be me because you know I've been on a rollercoaster of feelings today xD

Besides for the gas station,


"for" isn't necessary here.

A fly buzzes near Ronnie's ear and she thoughtfully fans at it.


she puts effort into thinking about shooing away a fly? I just kinda, swish my hair at it and hope I knock it out of the sky.

As she continues to stare at the dying green grass,


this? sounds like an oxymoron?? since like, if it's dying? wouldn't it be kinda, brown? Also how is she capable of sitting still like this can she teach me her ways because I would be bored within .2 seconds lol

someone runs up the dirt driveway. Jayson stops running and raises a hand over his eyes.


Run/s/ning becomes a little repetitive over this paragraph and the next one.

Natalie Marcos, Ronnie's best friend.


Natalie MARCOS??? asadhjkfh I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT but I am very ready for this

"Natalie, what're you thinking of running in this heat?" Ronnie asks, narrowing her eyes.


I don't know why but this kinda, bothers me? for some reasons? There's something about this that feels a little off? I'm sorry that's really vague D: I don't know what it is that bugs me about it.

"What am I looking at?" Ronnie boredly asks.


Can you show this instead of tell? Like, she frowns or sighs or something? Because it just kinda, falls flat? With just saying 'whoop she bored'.

In her past time, she would spend hours looking up crime cases. Her search history was probably questionable to the FBI, but that didn't worry Ronnie as it was something she enjoys and if someone stopped her from liking it, there were always books


at least she's not a wRITER *sweats nervously*

(also gonna come for your tenses again. "Her search history is probably questionable to the FBI, but that didn't worry Ronnie as it's something she enjoys and if someone stops her from liking it, there's always books" ;) and TRUST ME SHAN I know the struggle it's so real)

"No one is for sure what happened to Benjamin Marcos that night. For now, the case continues remains unsolved as clues pile up"


'Unsolved' ayyyy ;)
okay but if I may? make suggestions?
"No one is sure what happened to Benjamin Marcos that night" (instead of 'for sure' because that doesn't really fit the context?) "For now, the case remains unsolved" (because continues and remains are kinda the same thing? So it's just sorta, repetition, and reading the original doesn't make a whole lot of sense?).
And then I want to ask what kind of clues are piling up? Because I don't know what you have planned or what you'll have available for Ronnie or anything so I just want to make sure that this isn't just the newspaper man just kinda saying 'ooh there's clues piling up' to make it sound more interesting, if that makes sense?


-Just? Out of curiosity? Is Natalie just, unconcerned about this whole thing? Because they share a last name and I'm ASSUMING there is some relation so I kind of would imagine there'd be more of a "oh look at this relative of mine he was murdered and he's in a NEWSPAPER clipping isn't that interesting? and you like crime sO here you go!"? But obviously I don't know Natalie's personality well enough, I just think it's odd that she doesn't seem to have any comment for him being a Marcos.


Natalie's stomach grumbled and she sheepishly nodded, walking to the door. Jayson ran with Buster while Ronnie stood in her spot, rereading the newspaper clipping.


(psst this whole part is in past tense ;) )

"Ronnie, come on. You can't stand in this heat. You'll pass out and I don't want your folks to come home to that,"


yeah cause if she passes out now she'll still be out of it in three months when they return.

Clearly, it was a stretch to think that the two things could be connected but the possibility was definitely entertaining.


how convENIENT


-So you know I'm gonna get on you about description. It was pretty good at the beginning, but it gets a little fuzzy after that, so I would definitely recommend describing more of the setting and what everyone looks like. What do you see in your head? What colour is Patsy's house? Do they live near a road? A river? Is there a lot of birds around? Just some ideas for different ways to describe scenery so your readers have a better idea of what you're picturing!!

-And then I wanted to mention uhh, your dialogue? So uh, I find that your dialogue is a little bit...stilted. I say this because I don't think that I would be able to tell your characters apart if you didn't add dialogue tags or made it clear who was speaking? So I would try to weave in more of your characters personalities when you're writing their dialogue (I might try like, writing dialogue separately before the description and stuff? Because then you can write a conversation out between characters and focus entirely on their conversation and how they bounce off each other). I'm not saying like, give one of them an accent or something, but let, give them each distinctive voices, so it's clear regardless of dialogue tags or not who is speaking. I think that's a problem that a lot of mystery novels fall into? They don't really...develop personalities, and I'm not saying that you haven't developed personalities at all, but I've read mysteries where it's like the author just...forgot that their characters and essentially people and have different voices and so on...I hope that made some semblance of sense.


That's all I've got for you today! I hope there was something between the sarcasm that was helpful there ;) I am!! excited to see where this is going so <33 I'll be around for the next part (my review will be, very delayed probably though. like, even more delayed then this one).

ily and I hope you're having a fantastic time you're the best!!! <3




shaniac says...


Thank you so much for your review! <3 I laughed and yes, there are things in here that are truly helpful. And yeah, I kind of struggle with dialogue because in my head, it sounds great? But I don't know how to Describe their voices, I guess. Again, thank you for your review and I'll take things into consideration when I do edit this. :D



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Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:03 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, you're the second stop on my attempt to catch up with LMS chapter 2s!

Nit-picks:

It really stung Ronnie knowing that her parents left her with her brother for three months.

Is "stung" really the right word. And I don't just mean should it be sting :P I just think that most kids would think it quite cool to not have nagging parents around for a while.

"Natalie, what're you thinking of running in this heat?" Ronnie asks, narrowing her eyes.

That phrasing kind of sounds like something a mother would say.

"What am I looking at?" Ronnie boredly asks.

"boredly" is for a start not a word, but also it would be more engaging to have some sort of facial expression or body language that showed us she was bored instead.

Her search history was probably questionable to the FBI, but that didn't worry Ronnie as it was something she enjoys and if someone stopped her from liking it, there were always books.

This is a bit too much info all at once time. We don't need all the logic, just her shrugging off the possibility would probably do.

Ronnie looks up after reading and smiles at Natalie, who is scared of what plan her friend has.

Until now we've been limited to Ronnie's point of view, and Ronnie wouldn't know Natalie's thoughts, so this was a bit jarring.

Clearly, it was a stretch to think that the two things could be connected but the possibility was definitely entertaining.

Am I meant to take this as like a foreshadowing cliffhanger? A sign that is presumably a joke definitely does not seem like enough. Also the sentence is a bit long for how much it has in it. It feels like it should have some sort of pauses to create tension or something.

Overall:

Hold up one sec. Nartalie's last name is the same as the guy who died? If this is a coincidence, that seems like an odd surname to have two of in your story, which is an inconvenient thing to do in the first place. If not, and this is some sort of relative, should she not be sad? Would it not be incredibly insensitive for her friend to just be interested in the mystery?

The general idea of having a kid interested in mystery and crime is solid and an idea I would be here for, but I'm a bit confused. Are we looking at someone who's going to attempt to solve the mystery, because if so that should probably be implied to keep us hooked.

Also there's still quite a lot of tense switches, but I'm not going to bore you with the list. I'm sure you can find those.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




shaniac says...


Thanks again for the review! And yeah, Natalie is related to Benjamin Marcos but I was kind of thinking that she doesn't know that, I guess. She thinks that it is just a coincidence until later. But, I will keep that mind when I write that bit. I'm kind of horrible at hooking people because I don't know how to, but I guess it'll be a learning thing as I continue to write. Again, thank you so much for the review!



ExOmelas says...


you're welcome :D



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Vervain wrote a review...



Hey shan! I'm back! Back again! So we're coming straight off your prologue into chapter 1, let's see how this starts off!

So your prologue starts us off with a murder. This is important because a lot of readers skip prologues. They're usually not mandatory to read to understand the story, and even though you've written a prologue, you still have to write a good opening to chapter 1 to hook those readers who skipped it.

As a result, I'm less than stunned by the opening paragraph, but it's not a deal-breaker so far.

You actually give us some tension between Ronnie and her parents in the first paragraph, which is good! That gives us an idea of how Ronnie feels about this whole situation. However, the first part of your chapter kind of drags by describing the town, so on and so forth, until you introduce Natalie and the newspaper clipping.

A lot of the issues I have with this chapter stem from the fact that your descriptions are good where they don't need to be and sparse where they should be frequent. You give us unnecessary details about Shanesburg's giant corn statue, but tell us little about the newspaper clipping. I've read the prologue, so I know what the clipping says, but what about the people who skipped it?

If you intend for your prologue to be mandatory reading, I recommend breaking it up in chunks throughout the story where it becomes applicable (it would actually be cool imo to cut to MacAndy's POV at points throughout the story?) or simply integrating it into the text either as chapter 1 or by dropping that info on us slowly as we go. It should only be a prologue if it's not required to understand what's going on.

In addition, I know I said I'd focus mainly on style, but you've got a lot of tense switching and some really awkward sentences in here. It's definitely a draft 1 so don't worry too much about line edits, but keep an eye out for your tenses! Present tense is hard to pull off, and harder when you keep reverting to past here and there.

And honestly, you've given away your mystery in chapter one. Obviously we on YWS know what's going on because we've read your planning and whatnot, but if there's supposed to be a big mystery between Patsy and Benjamin, I would recommend not spelling out Patsy's sign and how it's "a stretch to think that the two things could be connected". Maybe leave the sign to be introduced later in the story as Ronnie does more research and whatnot? Right now it's a bit heavy-handed for the plot.

I really do dig it! I know I'm bad about picking out things I like about chapters, so please, if I ever leave you a solely negative review, ask me what I liked about it! I promise it's a lot more stuff than I nitpicked. I love how Ronnie and Natalie interact, I love the realism you have in the little heartland town they live in, and I especially love where this story might be going!

Best of luck, and keep writing!




shaniac says...


Thanks again for reviewing! Yeah, I guess when I was writing this chapter, I figured people would read the prologue first and then chapter 1, but like you mentioned, readers skip prologues so I'll be sure to include more details about the letter. Also, don't feel bad about picking out things in chapters! I like reviews like that and the more picking out there is, the more things I'd change in my chapter. Again, thank you so much for reviewing. I really appreciate it!



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Mea wrote a review...



Hey shaniac! I read your prologue but didn't review it, because I felt I didn't really have anything to add to the others' excellent reviews. But now I've gotten here faster, so let's get started with the review!

Overall, I really like how you set the tone of the story right away. Ronnie is bored and looking for a way to spend her summer - and then something falls into her lap. That's a great way for a story to start. It really carries the feeling of well, a story starting, with adventures and interesting things galore just ahead. I also definitely relate to the sheer heat and boredom of being in a rural town in the summer with no friends around, as that's pretty much my exact situation at the moment. :P

Quick note - sometimes a bit of past tense accidentally slips into your present tense where it doesn't belong. Other than that, the present tense works all right - I just feel that sometimes it creates a sort of distance from your main character. Especially at the beginning, with "The summer heat is horrible for Ronnie Storkhill. She is sitting idly...", it can sometimes feel almost like I'm watching some kind of documentary, with a British guy narrating her life, rather than feeling like I'm right up there with her. Maybe this is what you want! I don't know what style you're aiming for.

Besides for the gas station, there was a school, a McDonald's, and a police station, there was really nothing to do

Okay, this is more a comment than a critique, but this is 2024! The Internet and smartphones have been around for ages at this point. How is there nothing to do? What about Netflix, social media, Youtube, games, and anything else? Surely she'd at least be wasting her time on her phone, even if that just consists of scrolling through Instagram and wishing something interesting would show up. Newspapers would also be even more obsolete than they are right now. I just feel like too often stories that take place in rural areas forget about the existence of Internet (even crappy Internet) and write like it's still the 1990s. You do mention search history, which is a start, but I'd really find it more likely for her to have her phone in her pocket, and to have Natalie text her a picture of the clipping or something. If either of the characters doesn't have a phone or doesn't like to use it for whatever reason, then say so! It's a great way to show a little quirk of their character.

Looking up, Ronnie notices the sign that is hung neatly on a nail. The sign reads "nothing says oops like accidental murder" written in wooden curvy letters and just reading it settles a stone in her throat.

I feel like the way you worded this implies she hasn't seen it before, but it doesn't make a lot sense for her not to have read it before, as it's in a pretty prominent position in her grandma's house.

But I also really like Ronnie's inquisitiveness, and I think it's interesting and a little bit sinister that her mind immediately wanders to the thought that the sign and the newspaper clipping might be connected. It implies that she doesn't think too highly of her grandma, or has reason to believe that her family has secrets in their past. I'm interested to know more!

And I think I'll leave it at that! Good luck, and keep writing! I'll be back next week. :)




shaniac says...


Thank you for your review! I'm still trying to figure what tense I'm playing around in with this entire novel (present tense does sound like a documentary, now that you mention it xD) and Shanesburg is a small town so I wasn't sure if they would be up to date on technology? I mean, they'd have phones and all that but it wouldn't be as technology-driven as bigger cities, I guess. I'll have to figure that out as I continue to write. Thank you again for the review!



Mea says...


You're welcome! Glad it was helpful. :) On the technology thing, idk, I'm in a small town right now and have been to a fair share of others, and everyone has smartphones and tablets and stuff. The older people definitely don't use them as much, but I'd expect the younger generation too, especially because it'd be a respite from the boredom.



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FruityBickel wrote a review...



Hi! Jason here!

The first thing that really caught my attention was the description. It was perfectly natural, light and spot on, and it really made me feel familiar with Ronnie and the overall scene.

Let's get right into the iffy bits.

Their mom and dad were on vacation all around Europe and gave the excuse about how the trip was only for them or "a couple's only resort", in her mom's word.


This bit just seemed a bit clunky to me. I think it would read better if it was reworded, maybe something like "or, according to her mom, a 'couple's only resort'" or something similar. It's also fine as is, just a bit awkward to read.

At least, there was a good side to the problem.


'At least' shouldn't have a comma after it, it puts a pause where there makes no sense to be one.

...but with the heat rising, it was inevitable to try


I don't think 'inevitable' is the right word here? Inevitable means unavoidable, and it seems like the point of the sentence is to say that walking to the general store is something Ronnie wants to avoid due to the heat? I could be wrong, but it messed up my understanding of the sentence.

...and a police station, there was really nothing to do.


I think the comma after 'police station' should be a semicolon, to better connect the two thoughts.

"Hey, Ronnie, why does your grandma have that sign?" Natalie suddenly asks, gesturing to a sign.


"Gesturing to a sign" is redundant here, as Natalie directly mentions the sign she's gesturing to. Maybe "gesturing to the wall" would be better.

Apart from these, the only thing that really bugged me was the inconsistencies in tense (for example, 'a fly buzzed' instead of 'a fly buzzes'). It just makes the story a bit awkward and clunky, flipping back and forth between present and past tense.

Other than that, I loved this. I love the definite, midwestern feel the whole thing has to it, I love the introduction of the murder mystery, I love the mysterious sign. I can't wait to read the next chapter, and it definitely sounds like it's going to be an interesting story! Tag me when you post more!

Keep writing!

- J.




shaniac says...


Thank you so much for your review! <3




Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— -Apple Inc.