The violinist. I love the watch her play. She was playing notes that were not her own. Her sleek brown hair her pale blue eyes, her pink lips. Why did she have to taught me so. The bow danced across the strings leaving it's foot prints behind for all to see. She was perfect, yet she didn't know i existed. She was a siren song. The box Pandora couldn't open, the apple eve couldn't eat. But these facts gave me hope because Pandora opened the box and eve ate the apple.
When i was looking to go and see a show, I was always looking to see if she was playing. After a show I hung around the back stage door, waiting for the last actor to come out. I spoke to them, complementing them on their performance and also slipping a stone to lodge the door open. I was hoping to find her bow, or the seat where she sat. Just to feel her presence would have been enough. I entered through the door and walked into the arena.
Silence. Silence reverberated from the high ceilings, reverberated from the walls. It was so loud. I walked into the spectators stage. Up to the top where I would have a perfect vantage point. I sat and closed my eyes and imagined her playing. I heard the c and the f climb up from the stage, kiss me delicately on the cheek and go off into the forever silence. I opened my eyes to find a chair had been placed on the stage. Perfectly center stage. The dim stage lights broke through the filters, catching the dust particles in their gaps. The next thing I saw was a woman in a black dress and with perfect brown hair.
She sat center stage. With her violin. The woman I had waited for, hoped to see, longed for. She placed her face against the violin. The bow hit the strings. At that very point, I left this world. I was in heaven. Pure heaven. My life made perfect sense, everything made perfect sense. Then it stopped. How hard angels must fall.
She looked sad, almost disappointed. She stood up and was about to leave. I couldn't let her, I needed to savour this moment. I clapped, stood up and clapped. It rose above the silence, she looked up at me. Face in complete shock.
"How long have you been sat their?" she yelled across the seats between us. I began to walk through the seats.
"You're amazing" I said dumbfounded.
"Thanks" she said edging towards the back of the stage. She turned and walked away.
" I love you" I blurted out. I was officially not in control of my emotions.
"I beg your pardon" She spoke with such etiquette. I was on the stage. Only the bare wood boards between us.
"I love you. I have loved you for a while. I have watched you in performance for about two years. When I listen to you, I go to heaven. You lift me up. You-" I stopped. I realised I had been rambling. I thought I had ruined my every chance with her. I turned to save myself from further embarrassment. I took a step and felt warm hands on my shoulder. I turned around, honestly not knowing to expect. She kissed me. The music started again. It was louder than ever. It drowned out the heavens. Everything in the world was perfect at that very moment. The perfect music on the violin. I slowly came back to earth, back to the stage, back to the moment.
"I'm sorry, I don't usually do that to complete strangers, but their is just something about you. I have seen you before. Many times at my performances. I thought you were a theatre critic." She said obviously embarrassed.
" I watched for you" I tried to sound comforting. I think it worked. She walked over put her violin in the case and walk backed to me. It was silence. We began walking out of the theatre when she grabbed my hand,the music started again.
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140,626 Literary Works • 673,567 Reviews
Nice. Overall, I liked it. Your writing style has potential, but you must pay attention to your grammar. I think when you write, you write too fast to notice what you actually wrote. Write the piece and then read it slowly out loud to make sure you catch the grammatical errors contained in this work.
I think the romance happened too fast. The kiss should come with a struggle. Have him woo her. Make him earn it.
The Pandora's box, Eve's apple, siren's song metaphor would work if these things didn't stand for something alluring but dangerous. Also, it might be just me, but I didn't understand how the violin bow could leave footprints on the strings. That metaphor didn't make sense to me.
Anyway, I read Abandonment and just like that work, this work shows you have a nice sense of style in your writing. Keep refining it. It's something that make your works special.
loved it!! oh, and congrats on you being a guy who wrote a romance story!!! i loved it how you described him feeling like he was in heaven because of her music. it was a very good romantic story, and the way you intertwined the violin in there, brilliant!! do you like or play violin, or does the girl you like play it, and that's what inspired you to write this, or did it just come from the part of your imagination that dreams of romance? lol, keep writing!XD oh yeah, p.s. to edgarallanpoe, i love your profile picture!! please review back!! I'm more in the fantasy!
Hey retrodisco666!
I like this story (: it was cute! I could connect with the main character because I too have fallen in love with someone whom I don't know, yet love their music. I love the way you described how the MC felt when he heard the violinist's music. My favorite part was:
Good description!
I would critique this, but it seems as if all I had to say has already been said. I only recommend a more unique title? Something not as plain, you know?
-SodapopLunchbox
I haven't really got much to add because I think the other reviewers have covered most of the stuff, but I will say that although I love this line:
it feels like the metaphor doesn't quite fit, because both the apple and Pandora's box represent temptation, something you want and could easily take but know you shouldn't, whereas to your main character the violinist is something that he wants but is unable to get. Perhaps it would make more sense if there was a reason why the two characters were not allowed to get together (for example, it's forbidden by society or something) and this could make your plot more interesting as well, as it doesn't really have anything to make it stand out as it is.
I think this has potential though so I hope you do more with it
As others have said, you need to run this thing through an editing process or two. There are a lot of mistakes as far as word choice that can't really be accounted as typos, which makes it hard for people to read and I know many that would just give up and go find something else. As far as the actual story, it wasn't incredibly exciting. If you're going to take a concept that's been used a lot, you need to add your own twist to it, and I didn't really see that here.
Personally, I liked your story. I didn't know you had a romantic side to you! That was great. The only part I didn't like was that she kissed him so fast and I never got to hear the first time he saw her. And how he said he loved her so fast! Omg! *laughs* I just get caught up in that kind of stuff. You should be the next Nicolas Sparks!
I'm just playing. If you made it LONGER! 
I'm just playing buddy. This is how girls obsessed with love stories act when they see an author of a good story, just to let you know. Keep it up, man!
I agree with Ladynagrom. You should edit the parts she marked. I thought that it was boring. I heard this same knd of story. You should pop something in here so you could show the reader that this is different than any other story. So all I'm saying is put in a surprise and follow what Ladynagrom said above me. That's all I've got. Keep Writing!
Nike
This is my first review, so it should be fairly horrible.
Right here you should have put a question mark. And I believe you mean taunt instead of taught.
The I needs to be capitalized.
I'm fairly sure I'm in love with this line.
Their should be there.
There needs to be a period at the end of this.
There needs to be a question mark at the end of this.
Their should be there.
Over all I find this to be a story with a lot of potential.You need to work on punctuation and grammar. Also, you need to build your characters up more. Other than that, it was a good read.