I still don't understandThe knife went in but he still wouldn't die.
Four nights previous
I was stood their, in our kitchen. I was looking in the spice rack for some seasoning for the chicken. My hand moved across the oak craftsmanship as i saw the headlights of silver ford pull up. It all went down hill from that point. I grabbed the closest jar and sprinkled it over the chicken. Tarragon chicken. I placed down the bottle and put the tray into the oven. Hot. The door sounded as he opened it. I wanted to kill Thomas more than anything, I wanted him dead. Stone dead. He walked into the kitchen, put his flimsy arms around my waste, and kissed my neck. It's funny, i had never known a man to wear so much women's perfume, oh wait. He didn't she did. Debbie, his secretary. He asked whats for dinner. I told him. The anger filling inside me.
'Busy day dear?' I asked like a good little wife.
'Very' He replied. One worded answers always means he's hiding something.
We sat at opposite ends of the long oak dining table. The faint light candles flickering between. The Cream coloured wax slowly crawling endlessly down the candle. I stood up, picked my my plate and walked over to collect his. I went to the kitchen without saying a word. How did the knife not kill him
I was washing up the dishes as he walked in. My yellow gloves deep in bubbles. He was smoking, disgusting little man. He walked over, and i just couldn't hold it in any longer. I grabbed the carving knife of the marble topped side and plunged the knife through his Midnight blue shirt. He staggered backwards and fell against the island, we had. He fell with a messy thud. I pulled the knife out of his chest, and carried on with the dishes, after all it was just like taking out the rubbish. It had to be done.
I grabbed the phone of the wall and rung the police. I convinced them that my husband just tried the attack me and i had killed him in self-defence. As i hung up the phone. He grabbed my leg.How had the knife not killed him I kicked free and ran up our three flight of stairs and locked myself in the guest bedroom. He could never get up the stairs in his condition. I had a problem, the police were coming and the eye witness was laid on the kitchen floor. I pushed my blonde hair out of my eyes, stood up, and began to walk down stairs. These pesky problems i thought to myself.
I walked into the kitchen to see him motionless in the middle of the floor. I took the knife of the side again, and just as i was about to plunge it in his back, i heard sirens. The rest is a blur.
Officer, you know what I'm going to miss most about him. The face he pulled when that knife went straight into him. If only Debbie had seen him then. She would have been so proud of him.I still don't know how the knife didn't kill him.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
I like your engaging way of writing and that you move the story along quickly. It did feel a little short, but that's maybe because I'm a novel kind of gal. Still, show not tell.
There are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. Capitalize your I's. It's "what's for dinner" not "whats for dinner." Womens' has an apostrophe at the end, not between the n and the s. Also, it should be "one-word answers" not "one-worded answers"
My advice is to have a friend, preferably good in English, go over this with a red pen for grammar and spelling stuff. It's qucik and your work will be greatly improved.
Great Job! The story was very much engrossing. I think to make it more effective, you should vividly describe the feelings of your characters as well as the background in which the story is taking place. I think re-editing your text will improve your piece.
Anyway, I loved reading it.
Keep it coming!
Nice story... I have realized, you like blood and murder... But, very detailed and descriptive, and it's, well, great! Keep on going!
Hey retro! You new here? If you are, then welcome to YWS!
This was a gripping piece. Well done.
However, just looking at this, I can tell that this piece is full of sentence fragments, uncapitalized "I"s, and iffy comma use. This greatly disrupts the flow of reading, and since this is a great story, I suggest you look it over, run it through a spell check, and fix any errors you find. Either that or find another friend to look it over and proof read it. That way this story will look much, much cleaner.
Here's a quick tip, I saw in your dialogue that you used apostrophies instead of quotation marks. Be sure to use quotation marks. ( " " )
One thing I think this piece is lacking is a good dose of emotion. I would have prefered as a reader to have known what the husband was like, and why the wife hated him. I know he is a cheater, but why would the wife want to kill him? Usually they just divorce. Explain the situation more and the reasoning of the wife. Let us know her emotions more too.
Other than that, good job. The only real issue is the grammar, which can be easily fixed. I liked this a lot. Keep it up!