He embodies the spirit of the forest.
Strong yet gentle.
Comforting yet formidable.
Kind and understanding,
yet firm and wary.
He is a world full of pleasures and mysteries,
that if cared for and tended to,
Will return your kindness a hundredfold.
If not, you will be horrified to see
dead trees that will bear no fruit and
walk through paths that have no end.
Safe in his arms I shall be
as the forest will never cease.
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,401 Reviews
Hello redhood!
Okay, so! This is going to sound awkward and I realize that "Pinus" is the scientific name for the Pinaceae family and this is about trees and forests and whatnot and I swear I know all this!! But like... also, I'm going to suggest that you consider changing the title because I totally did a double take and well. Yeah. I didn't read your title as "Pinus" at first, but another five lettered word that begins with a p and ends with an s, because CLEARLY I have the maturity of a 14-year-old. >.> So yeah. This might just be a personal problem for me though!
As for the content of your poem?
So this part kind of follows the whole: "adjective yet adjective" format. Except adjectives are not the strongest imagery. The strongest imagery relies on nouns and verbs. So think a little more about the forest and the man that you are thinking about... what is comforting and strong about the forest? What about the man? Now thing of an action that that you can use to represent this strength.
For example, maybe it's a quiet strength that doesn't have to perform to be strong. The forest is strong because it stands tall without flinching, just like the man is strong because he can stand tall without flinching.
So then you can use the image in your poem... so maybe something like that?
He stands tall without flinching
His arms raised to heaven as he
beholds the sun.
So instead of going
adj yet adj
...you're integrating real things and actions together to paint a picture that is more evocative. Which, honestly? That's the fun of poetry, right?
Anyway! You kind of do this in the second half... you talk about dead trees bearing no fruit and how you walk through paths that never end in the ceaseless forest. Which is awesome! So just tweak the first half to be more like the second, and you got this!
Thank you for the feedback, Snoink! You're completely right about putting more imagery in the first half! I am intending in editing it that way and I really appreciate you pointing it out!
Hello! Poetry is sometimes so hard to understand until you let yourself feel the words of it, rather than just read it, kind of like music. Funny enough, I just read a book that contained magic that melded with a forest, making the forest alive, and your poem brought me back to that story that was fresh in my mind (which I appreciate, thank you, I am obsessed with that book!). Anyway, onto the review portion of this post!
This actually does remind of of the main character of the book I read, he had control over the forest. I enjoyed how you really felt how comforting this individual was for the main character, how much they understood how this man worked, how much power he held over this forest. Though, I would say you could make the forest feel more alive as it is the main part of this poem! Show us that it is kind, comforting, and strong! Writing is a powerful tool and we don't think about how the way we write it, is the way the reader will feel, they know a tree can be strong, but you must tell them what makes that tree strong anyway.
Really good work, I felt the emotion that I know you wanted to display. Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Nike for the review! What book was it that you saw this character?
Hi redhood!
I love a good nature-focused poem! The focus specifically on forestry was appealing to me -- I think there are a lot of ways you can use a forest to encompass a quality or feeling, so it was cool to see how you used it here. The way you used it as a means to describe the speaker's love interest was beautiful. Because forests can be twisted in either a positive or negative light, the usage here was fitting to highlight these characteristics.
This part was my favorite! Specifically, I like that you dove deeper in the imagery of what he could be like, as described through the lens of a forest description. I kind of wish this specificity was distributed throughout the poem? We get hints of the positive characteristics of him, like "kind" and "comforting", but I wonder if the essence of these qualities can be portrayed in the context of a forest? The forest imagery could be strengthened here, in my opinion. Showing qualities like "kind" and "comforting" but in the context of a forest (eg protective branches, strong roots, fruitful) could pack more of a punch on the better qualities of this person. Also would overpower the negative characteristics of a forest!
I also like the observational nature of this; the speaker is admiring his beauty and good qualities in a passive manner. Then, at the end, this spacial barrier is seemingly broken with "safe in his arms I shall be" without being too overcoming or unfitting. The progression works well and keeps the soft tone you established from the beginning.
Really enjoyed this! If anything, I would have loved to see even more of it to get a stronger sense of the personification of a forest through the speaker's love interest. But as it is, I think the poem is short, sweet, and lines up well with the theme of the piece!
It was lovely reading, until next time!
I really appreciated your feedback, phantasm! You're completely right and I'll probably rewrite it in the near future. Thank you for giving me the direction I needed to improve!