Five years nigh was when I met you.
Our eyes met and our souls knew,
that we had met anew.
Ever since, my mind has been entranced by you.
We've always been far, yet you own my thoughts,
keeping me in a daze that I never want to escape from.
Quotidian.
I wake up and my first thought is encapsulated by you,
and just like that, you have me in your grasp.
Simply the thought of your body against mine...
It sends electricity through my core
and my body becomes limp, drowning in the pleasure.
Quotidian.
I have to think of you or else I'd perish.
My thoughts are heroin and my brain is the needle.
My tolerance has grown and I need more and more of you.
Is this love? Lust? A mix of both? I'm not sure.
Quotidian.
However, as of late, life has been rationing my doses.
My mind's eye is my only supplier of you while you're gone;
working, wasting away, far from me.
Why does life want to take you away?
I need you with me.
Quotidian.
I want to know what love really feels like in the flesh.
What does it feel like to look into orbs that are both the color of sunlit branches on a summer's day
and the moss that cover the trunk that holds them in the fall?
To have my nose filled with the delectable smells of your gourmand perfume
or to feel your soft lips against mine?
Quotidian.
You've given yourself to me mind, body, and soul.
Your heart is in my hands and mine alone.
Through its arteries and veins I suck out your gore,
desperate to feel you inside me.
Quotidian.
To be forever entwined with you and under your spell would be my selfish wish.
I am a heathen. I am deranged. I am a monster.
You must know that I do not deserve to even utter your name.
Quotidian.
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
I love the imagery and descriptions in this piece. "I want to know what love really feels like in the flesh. What does it feel like to look into orbs that are both the color of sunlit branches on a summer's day and the moss that cover the trunk that holds them in the fall?" --Chef's kiss. This was the most perfect description I've ever read of looking into a loved one's eye.
In the future keeping a consistent rhyme scheme or forgoing one all together would improve your piece. The first stanza rhymes, but after that the pattern changes with no clear indication or reason to do so.
I look forward to reading you work more in the future. Also, have you considered turning this into a love song? This would make a really beautiful song.
Thank you for your response, orion625! I realized that I didn't want to follow a rhyme scheme any longer, so I probably should have adjusted the first stanza accordingly...
I have not considered into turning this into a song! I'll think about it as I do sing from time to time...
Hello there! Just wanted to pop by and say I absolutely loved this poem! You depict such a strong longing, almost aching, that is both romantic and passionate at the same time. With the repetitive use of "Quotidian," it creates almost an obsessive feeling or craving that is repeated on a daily basis. I'm not quite sure what the poem structure you used is called, but I really really like it! I also really like the sharp difference between how positively the narrator describes their lover in comparison to their self loathing. I love your work so much and I can't wait to see what else you come up with
- Bella
Hey, Bella! Thank you so much for your comment! I guess I would call the structure of my poem free-verse, unless there's a better term that I'm not aware of. You're actually the first person who's posted a review, so seeing this made me feel absolutely elated. Thank you for your encouragement and I can't wait to see what you have written/will write as well!
That means so much to hear! I'm so glad my review left you feeling that way ^^ <3