On that fateful day in May,
The loom of life wove our fates.
We were doomed to be star-crossed
And I found out much too late.
Our hearts were ripped from each other's hands
And the plush, velvet fabric was thrown onto the floor,
irrevocably ruined and our states forlorn.
Ever since that fateful day in May,
My visage has grown red from
Reasoning slapping me in the face.
She tells me that we are no more
and that we were never meant to be.
"It's over, it's over, it's over", she screams.
My heart and body scream even louder
And take no heed to what Life weaves.
"We love no one else! We will never love anyone else!
We will remind you till the end of your days that there is no one else"!
My heart crushes itself into a million tiny little pieces
My lungs refuse to be filled with air
It is clear that my very fundamental constitution
refuses to exist without you;
it knows that this is not fair.
Ever since that fateful day in May,
I have been bound in chains
and forced to watch as life
weaves an unescapable and
cruel fate for you.
I am told that I can do nothing
as that is the cost of me being a dragon,
but I can hardly digest those words
and they lay on the floor, covered in bile.
I cannot turn away from your suffering
and I, futilely, attempt to free myself from
those chains, so I can save you. But, alas,
I fail. Over and over again.
I helplessly watch as life takes away your spark,
your wings, and your will.
Why is life so cruel to the one creature
that understood me and loved me?
Why, as a mighty dragon, can I do nothing
to pull you away from this fate?
Woe to the days when your smiles were frequent.
Woe to the days when we would spend hours talking of an impossible future.
Woe to the days when you were mine.
However, like a hero in a Greek tragedy,
I will foolishly persist to an unattainable end
until your corpse inevitably lies in my arms
and that is when I will know that all hope is lost
and always has been.
But even then, on your face my tears will fall
and I will whisper till the end of time:
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
My heart will always be thine.
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138,932 Literary Works • 672,408 Reviews
Greetings, redhood! It's knight inks, here to pop by and leave a quick review (though mostly rambles lol) on your lovely poem. Let's get started, shall we?
For starters, I was immediately drawn in by the title, so ominous and gripping, I was compelled to discover the meaning behind such a title.
Beautiful, yet bitter beginning! The first line really captures the reader's attention, intriguing them and making them want to discover what could have happened, 'that fateful day in May.' We also get a bit of an explanation for the title here as well. I love the description of 'plush, velvet fabric,' it sounds rather pleasant, if you know what I mean. I also like how soft and delicate the 'heart' is described, only for it to be violently tossed to the floor, it kind of touched my own heart in a way.
Here we learn that the narrator's love is doomed, for whatever cause, to a terrible fate, for which the narrator can do nothing about. Though I am not sure what sort of trouble their lover is in, I assume it is awful from the way the narrator describes it. I also find the way they describe themselves as a dragon rather interesting, though I am not quite sure what they mean by it. Is it a reflection on how the narrator views themselves? Or is it meant to be literal? If that is the case, then that would give the poem a fascinating twist!
The last four lines really express how all that has happened is physically affecting the narrator; causing them to feel sick to the stomach, (from what I read.)
This really shows how desperate, and utterly hopeless, the narrator feels about their lover's situation, and reiterating how horrible the tragedy is.
Here the narrator describes themselves as a dragon, particularly a mighty one. Perhaps it is a just a poetic way for them to explain how, despite how powerful/great they might be, in the case of saving their lover, they are completely unable to do so. This continues to drastically convey how desperate the narrator is to rescue their love, and how they will not stop until the corpse of their love lies in their arms. How heartbreaking!
The repetition of 'I love you,' four times really hits you like a punch to the gut, helping to conclude this heart-wrenching poem with one final slap to the reader's face. I love how you used the word, 'thine,' instead of 'yours,' giving a little bit of a Shakespearean/old literature feel to it.
Overall, this was such a beautiful, well-written, piece, that really left me feeling a bit melancholy and thoughtful, and in some ways feeling bits and pieces of emotions I have never experienced before, (having never been in a romantic relationship before, let alone being so terribly cut off from him.) I really enjoyed reviewing this poem, and enjoyed reading every line of it even more so! Well done, and keep up the amazing work!
Happy Writing, and Happy RevMo!
Sincerely,
knight inks
Ok, before i quit today, I want to make one final push and get to review another poem! I'm surprised i'm the first person to get here (hopefully still true when i publish this) since this is practically dripping with meaning.
This is an interesting take on a medieval style poem. The narrator is a dragon this time around, which adds an extra layer of agony as described so viscerally. I swear, when I read this poem, it was like a dark power ballad and I felt like I was being slugged in the chest repeatedly.
I love that throughout the poem, the narrator not only channels the decline of their partner's love, but also of their own reaction. The word choice here really emphasizes that dark fantasy vibe while also helping you visualize the grief and anger the narrator is experiencing.
There's a lot to break down here, but this section instantly caught my eye as I was doing my preliminary scan of this piece. It's so soul crushing and really shows how the love that the narrator feels towards their partner is now gone from his life. I liked the 2-line rhyme with air and fair, but it seems a little out of place since the rest of the poem doesn't really have a stanza.
This is a new development: Not only is the narrator's partner seemingly no longer loving them, they may slowly be dying as well. Or, it could just be the narrator reaching for hyperbole in order to emphasize how they feel that their partner has changed. Perhaps their could be some clarification on that to really increase the tragedy.
Now we learn that this decline has been happening for a long time, but the narrator still has the vain belief that they can save their partner.
I think overall, since this is a narrative poem, perhaps those last few lines could come first or earlier to explain why the narrator thinks this way and what they are experiencing. That would make it even more engaging and heartbreaking.
Keep writing,
Victor.
3rd time i accidentally comment