Biophilia

Hi there redhood, Lim here with a review!

What stood out to me in this poem was the movement between the tree imagery and the night sky imagery and how that connects with the ocean imagery via “moon-ruled tides”. I really like how that seems to show the vastness and interconnectedness of nature, which in this poem seems to contrast the “confines” of the human world. I hadn’t expected the speaker to turn out to be a “dragon” - it feels like they are simultaneously portrayed as being human (e.g. Wearing polyester clothes and currently being among “women and men”) and for that brief moment being a “dragon”, but it’s less clear to me what the dragon part would involve.

I cannot wait to be woven
into the the spore born tapestry of death as
that is when I can finally return home

Poetically, these lines are quite interesting in relation to the title “Biophilia”. I’d usually associate “bio” with life and being alive, but death isn’t portrayed as a bad thing or being opposite to life in this poem - I get the sense of an ecological view, where there is a cycle-of-life-and-death that the speaker feels at home in, in contrast to the artificial human-constructed modern world.

Something I like about your writing is the connectivity of the imagery. As mentioned, I like how you’ve linked together different pictures of ‘nature’ from the earth to space and the sea. I like how you used the space imagery to connect the idea of a ‘faerie’ to the idea of ‘nature’, so the introduction of the magic/ fantasy elements didn’t feel too out of place.

I will forever be entranced by its sprites.

Similarly, I like how this line connects the speaker’s love of the faerie to the speaker’s love of the natural world.

Some questions I have for you as a poet:
How do you break up your lines? I noticed the line lengths seem to vary depending on the part of the poem, but not in a regular way.

Some parts are arranged to have one image per line which reminds me a little of how haiku work:

A small thicket of tall trees adorned
with dark green leaves
stood only a few yards away,

And other parts seem to cut off in the middle of an image, for example this one, where I’m not sure what effect is intended:

I forever yearn for freedom in the safe haven
of wild nature.

Is this meant to emphasise “wild nature”? Or “safe haven”?

What do you mean when you use a period/full stop? And punctuation in general?

and all I want to do is to escape the confines of these man-made walls,
take off my polyester clothes and cover myself in moss, twigs, and algae
and live among the forests, seas, and skies.
Away from stone men and their blob wives.

For example I was wondering why the last line in this section is capitalised and separated from the rest by a full stop. Would it mean something different if it were as follows:

and all I want to do is to escape the confines of these man-made walls,
take off my polyester clothes and cover myself in moss, twigs, and algae
and live among the forests, seas, and skies,
away from stone men and their blob wives.

Just a couple of things to think about!

Another thing I like about this poem are the lines:

At night, I would be able to look at the stars in all their glory;
their presence a simple proof of other worlds I will never get to know.

I like how not knowing is part of a positive here, like the speaker is able to accept the beauty of the unknown rather than needing to understand something in order to enjoy it.

Overall, I thought this was a vibrant and interesting piece. I like how the threads of imagery are woven together. It does seem to move between a lot of different topics, but I think that’s something that can be made to work more smoothly with the process of revision, if you’re intending to revise this poem. I like the ecological message and I think tying it to a personal narrative also makes this more interesting.

Hope this helps and keep writing!
-Lim