Chapter 8
FINALS
Before they could say anything more. Right in front of them was a enormous green colored body with huge amount of blood dripping from his eyes.
'Va...Va...Vascara' Emma stammered.
They were shocked to see something so huge , so scary with two front teeth which barely fit in his big mouth and an over sized bogeyman which they were supposed to kill . Cedrick acted quickly. "ATTAAAAACCKKK"
Each one of them had a pocket knife. They threw them at Vascara's belly and they all struck, but to no effect. Instead, he picked all of them with one bare hand and threw them down. They were all now moaning and grumbling covered in mud and dead plants.
'He's tough' Emma said with a nervous face.
'We have to find his weak point!' Carlos exclaimed.
'Try hard to remember something Carlos' said Emma.
'Remember Stacie can live only by drinking the blood of the Vascara's tears. That's her only source' Cedrick said.
'Yeah so?' questioned Emma.
'The blood drips from his eyes. The tears are his blood. So, that's the weak point.' Carlos said.
'HIS EYES' all of them shouted in one voice.
'Why didn't we think of that before?' Emma said.
They got up still covered in mud and gathered up their courage. There were some bows and arrows lying near them. Maybe some people were hunting animals there. They picked the bows and the arrows.
They aimed at his eye which still had a huge amount of blood dripping from it.
'At the count of three… One.. Two.. Three' Cedrick ordered.
Their arrows went flying right into his eyes and 'OUCH' pierced his eyes. The creature started moving like a phantom through the mists .... there was smoke ....he fell down trembling like a fish which is taken right out of water….Still grasping for breath….still trembling ... screaming and screaming until finally DEAD.
'HE IS DEAD ALRIGHT!' Carlos exclaimed. 'DEAD… YES DEAD.
'WE DID IT.' Cedrick danced happily.
The black sky started turning blue. The darkness vanished. Birds started tweeting in the sky. The whole place started getting to normal. The graveyard didn't seem any scarier now. The black clouds moved and the sky could be seen in view. Everything went back to normal. They were captivated, peppy and vivacious. What could make them even happier now? Stacie was dead
---
Once back at school they were declared heroes and heroines. Everyone cheered and clapped at their success.
The headmaster who had always hated them finally said 'Thank you all so much for your bravery.'
The next day they were given awards. Now there was no one to bully Emma for Stacie was no more.
*********************************
The movie ended at last.
Katy , Swift and Suzzane were watching a movie at Katy's house.
'Great Movie' Katy said.
'Only hoping that whole thing does not happen in real life' Suzzane admitted.
'Yeah', Swift added. 'As if those things happen in real, Suzzane you're so dumb'
'Anyways, need to get going. Tomorrow's school.' Suzzane said.
They waved and left for their homes. Their holidays had ended and it was the beginning of the new academic session the next day.
Next day the school was filled with chatters of girls. Suzzane, Swift and Katy were standing and talking when suddenly Suzzane's eyes fell on a writing on the door which had been locked for years.
'THE DEAD WILL RETURN'
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Knight Malachi here to review for the Knights of the Green Room.
So Teen hit the review right on the head. She got all the punctuation and grammar mistakes, so I won't put them in here again. But man did this go fast. I haven't read the rest of this, but this chapter zoomed by. I assume this is the boss zombie, but it only took some arrows to kill him. and he/ or she. didn't take a while to kill.
Also, when he did die they shot back to the school and everything was normal in much too short a time. I could see this chapter broken into two, very easily. With a longer fight against Vacarra, and then the last chapter about them returning.
Now, the movie thing was a great idea I didn't suspect, but it could've been done a little slower as well. and I have to say that although I knew the final paragraph was coming, it was still a great ending.
Keep it up!
THNKs. Yeah Ill b workin on it/
Some of the things that I say may have already been said, and if so I apologize.
So, this is the end, huh?
It's been a great ride.
First of all, this needs a period. Secondly, she didn't really stammer the word, I would call that a shriek, scream, or hiss.
Just huge and dirty? I expected him to be scarier than that. Also, the fact that they just all jumped and attacked him with virtually no weapons is a little nuts.
You missed another period at the end of the dialogue.
Okay. Wow. What you are trying to say here is good, but the way it's worded it feels abrupt and far to rough. I recommend serious revision here.
They all just happened to have pocket knives at a boarding school? I find that hard to believe. After one second he just picked them up and threw them down, where they mumbled and grumbled? I would have been moaning, groaning, screaming, crying, anything but mumbling. I mumble at my mother. Not at a thing out of a nightmare.
So they all unanimously voted that his eyes were his weakest point without any consideration for other parts of his anatomy? He's male. Kick him where it hurts.
Once again, there just happened to be bows and arrows in the graveyard? You don't play darts with bows and arrows. You don't need a comma after Maybe and you should place the word up after They.
****
I did not see the whole, "This is a movie." thing coming.
The biggest problem here is that you tried to do to much, and it was all a little unrealistic.
The plot was good, the grammar needs some work, but the actual content was just bad.
They all had pocket knifes, well, those didn't work on him so lets' add some arrows.
He's not really that scary, I bet if we aim at his Eye he will die!
You just tried to do to much to fast. He wasn't that scary, it didn't take very long to kill him.
What you need to do is space it out a little more, add some more here and there so that it doesn't feel like you were rushing to finish this story.
As always, these are just suggestions. If you don't want to change anything then that's your call.
I thought it was a pretty good ending.
HT
Thanks . Yes I really need to work on it.
Could u check now and see if it reads much better?
It definitely reads better.
Any more changes?
Any more changes?
For now, not really. The whole thing could use a bit more polishing, but the grammar and stuff is actually pretty good.
Okay Thanks Ill work on it as soon as I can.
Knight Dragon, here to review your final chapter.
Well, it's been a long road. Let's see how it ends.
Technical:
"Vaaassaacarraaaaaaa" is not how you write a stammer. "Va...Va...Vascara" is a stammer.
"They aimed at Vascara's belly and it did land into his belly but there was no effect." I believe you mean "They threw them at Vascara's belly and they all struck, but to no effect."
"'Only hoping that whole thing does not happen in real'" should end "does not happen in real life".
Content:
Um...what exactly is Vascara supposed to do? He (or it) just stood there and let them attack it, without doing anything...scary. It's just this oversized bogeyman that they're supposed to kill. And they do, rather quickly discovering its weak spot. It wasn't really that scary at all. I think if you were really shooting for terror, then have lots of smoke, and the creature moving like a phantom through the mists. Maybe have one or two of the children get picked off, and all the others can hear are their terrified screams of anguish as they're (I don't know, destroyed. What does Vascara do exactly? Does he "turn" people?)
And the transition from movie plot to frame story was really kind of abrupt. I would recommend at least putting *** in between so we know there's a break.
So, yeah. Hope this helps!
Okay Thanks Ill work on it.
Could u check now and see if it reads much better?