Teacher Disappeared?
It was time for Emma to leave as it was biology class. She quickly combed her hair, walked quickly towards the door, opened it and hurried to her class. The bell had already rung. It did not take long for her to reach her class as she was a good runner.
On reaching her class, she saw a group of students standing and talking which almost sounded like a swarm of bees buzzing. She brush passed them and quickly went and sat on her place.
Ms.Clare still had not come to the class. It was then Emma got to know that their bio teacher just passed away.
'How can this happen?' Monita said loudly.
Then the whole conversation began. Emma sat back listening to what they were groaning and moaning.
'She went for a walk in the forest' said Blaire.
Swift continued then 'It was a sunny day and everything was just perfectly fine…like totally fine but no one actually knows what happened. It is just that she went to the graveyard and it has been 3 days and she has not returned.'
They did not have bio classes in the previous days so they did not know anything about it.
Emma's face went blank. Shocked at the words what the girl spoke about their teacher. She dropped the plan of going to the woods for a walk.
And suddenly a drastic change in her mind. She needed to find out what was actually happening in 'Magarita'.
Magarita was the name of their school.
She took hold of Eliza who was just sitting next to her and requested her to come with her to the library.
'Why Emma? Why?' Eliza questioned
'To search for the torn part of that book' Emma answered back.
Though not interested she still came. There was no one in the library. 'Silence' still written up there.
Only the walls could hear their conversation.
'Eliza, I know you don’t believe me but I swear something wrong IS going on in our school' Emma said 'And that Stacie is up to something no good.
'This is all your stupid imagination' Eliza said annoyed 'Nothing is happening. Just quit it will you?'
Emma again continued 'No, you don’t understand and if you don’t listen to me Eliza then forget that you are my friend or should I say best friend?'
Hearing that Eliza changed her mind and agreed to listen to her.
'Fine' Eliza said. 'What's the plan?'
'We need to find out the remaining part of the book and I suspect it to be somewhere here only'
They began searching. Behind books , behind cupboards, under tables and chairs until finally dust filled in the entire library.
Suddenly Eliza noticed that the bricks behind the shelf labeled 'The Unseen' could be moved.
'Emma, look here the bricks move!'
They both pushed the brick. The brick went inside and in front of there eyes opened a locker type thing. There was a small old paper inside.
Emma reached for it and took hold of the paper.
'WHO IS IN THERE?!!?' a voice came somewhere nearer to the door.
It was the librarian. They both hid. The librarian grew angrier for the whole library was messed up and books were shattered here and there.
She muttered ' I know someone is there and that person ; I am not gonna leave him or her. I am gonna punish the person who ever did this.Saying this she stormed off to search for the person who was responsible for the mess.
'Phew, that was close' Eliza said.
'It is not safe, we need to be going '
They almost forgot about the paper but Emma had managed to tuck it in her pocket.
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Okay, review time. "It is just that she went to the graveyard and it has been 3 days since she has not returned". The sentence should read "it has been 3 days and she has not returned", not "since she has not returned."
"Behind books , Behind cupboards," your second "behind" is capitalized by accident.
"I am gonna". Please don't use 'gonna'. Just use 'going to'; it's much simpler.
'It is not safe, we need going'. You mean, "we need to be going". You dropped that by accident.
"The librarian grew angrier for the whole library was covered in dust and nothing could be seen." Where'd all the dust come from? You omitted that detail.
Last comment: you should have the name of the school explained earlier than after its first usage in the story.
Hope this helps!
Thanks. Where shud i adjust the school name but?
maybe as early as the first chapter. at the very least put it before you use it for the first time.
Hmm okay Ill see to it.
I'm bacccckkkkk! You should be warned, now that I'm here, I'm never going to leave.
Since you list what chapter this is in the actual title, you don't need to put it in the text. It's rather pointless to mention it twice.
It's great that you want to give us descriptions of your characters, but have you ever heard the saying, "there's such a thing as to much of a good thing". That's the case here. You've already described the character in the previous chapter, you don't need to keep repeating that description. It makes it rather boring to read, since we already have this information.
Just saying, she quickly combed her hair, would be fine.
'To search for the torn part of that book' Emma answered back.
Once again, your biggest problem here is the language and the grammar. You really need to work on that. I'm not trying to be really harsh or anything, but the fact of the matter is that this reads like it was written by a person younger than you. I know that you can improve, and I would like to see you work on it more in the future.
You are a good writer. You just need a little more practice.
I wrote this many months back but now I am submitting it. So yeah it may sound kiddish. N yeah thnkz
The story could be interesting. You use adverbs a little bit too much. Try visualizing your story as scenes as you write, because that might help you with making the story seem more real. Your scene is interesting, but the way you tell it needs more polish. Use less adverbs and use the word "said" a little bit more often.
When your characters talk, don't be afraid to describe their mannerisms as they speak. It makes the story seem more real. Example: ('It is not safe," she said, glancing over her shoulder, "we need to get going')
You should probably practice with writing longer paragraphs, pack more ideas into each section of the story.
I might be able to help you with the next chapter of the story. Keep these ideas in mind, but the main thing that will help you right now is consistent practice.
I have already written the entire story. Just need to type the next five chapters and post it.
Yeah Thanks For The Advice I Will Try And Change It.