His heart had become pure
And he said I was his cure,
Until I broke him.
*
We left reality on the ground
Stuck our heads in the clouds,
Where I broke him.
*
We wished on our stars
Made vows to go far,
Before I broke him.
*
There's no place he'd rather be
Than here beside me,
Yet I broke him.
*
He was going to propose
But my heart remained closed,
So I broke him.
*
He'll never be the same again.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hello, here to review!
first of all, I'd love to say,
"Wow! How wonderful it is!"
indeed it is. though it's sad but you deserve all appreciations. you have used punctuation marks wisely enough. the way you wrote
"I broke him"
again and again but each time differently and in a different situation is praise-worthy.
It has been a very good read for me. No suggestions. "Claps"
I can't say more. Have a nice day. Remember, it's a good work
Thanks for the review!
You're most welcome!
Hey, Kajka here to review your lovely poem!
I absolutely loved this piece! I may be a little biased while reviewing this poem tho, since I'm currently very broken and my perspective of this, is from the "broken" angle, but it is still beautiful.
However, I don't really understand your second line. If he is already pure, why does he need you to be his cure? I realize the rhyme fits perfectly, but it's just a bit illogical, that's all.
Your descriptions are very well written, although I believe they could be improved a little ? I believe you could accomplish this with extending your lines a little or adding two more lines afterwards. For example you could say:
"We left reality on the ground
Stuck our heads in the clouds,
We sore through the nights sky
like two birds always passing by" (Just an example)
And than "you break him".
However keeping this as it is, is also fine.
I'm also very curious for your inspiration to write this. What I'd like to know is, why are you breaking him? What is the backstory behind this ?
Also, your ending fits perfectly with the tone of the poem, and completes it in a beautiful way!
All in all, I loved it!
Proper good job!
-Kajka
Thanks for the review
to clarify the guy's heart became pure and it is inferred that his lover is the one who cured it and made it that way before she broke him. I have no idea what the inspiration for my poem was, it just sort of came to me which is weird, since often people write poetry out of strong feelings caused by certain situations which isn't the case here. I'm glad you found it relatable though, and I'm sure you will heal with time 
Thanks for the explanation! Yeah, I hope so too..
Hey,
Wow, this is a really powerful piece of poetry. I think part of what makes it so is that its relateable. My one little nitpick is the layout however. I'm afraid I don't really see the point with it and for me it makes the poem harder to follow. I feel like this poem could be improved with a bit more back ground as well. I'm getting a lot of emotion with waves and depth, but not a lot of imagery. Because of this it's harder for me to relate to. Or even create a movie in my head. Nice work however!
Sincerely,
Collideascope
Thanks for the review - and my other poems contain more imagery; I wanted to keep this one short and simple, so that it tells a story.
Well you did a nice job with it
Thank you
oooh I always like a twist ending.
Like the stanzas and formatting too!
I have little to suggest other than more imagery- more of an abstract approach, perhaps? It definitely doesn't have to be this way, but that's my favorite part about poetry. The realist feel of this poem is just fine if you like it just as well.
I was expecting this piece to be about the brokenness of the woman, but it turned out to be more about her lover. Maybe show a side from her perspective...why is she closed-hearted? Is she scared? Why is this?
Interesting piece. I wonder what spurred this on.
Great job!
thanks for the review, I guess I just wrote this poem to show the conflict that can occur in a seemingly perfect relationship and the aftermath - it is almost as though she is chastising herself for ruining such a pure and sweet lover.