Dependent on where the breeze blows
We change
Time skips too fast; don't stop and watch
The clock tick
Stay present when its song wanes
*
Do not recall
Our sky
A chime sounds at every hue of blue
And while our grass is green
Next day's will flourish vibrant, lucid.
The cogs have turned; now take my words and fly.
*
No person
No chain
Will be identical, the same
But when the keeper cries at midnight,
Our flight to twilight, our song, begin again.
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140,727 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Hello there pricey
So... This is amazing!
It feels kind of lyrical if you get what I mean.. like the rhythm of it sounds nice in my head, if that makes any sense at all. I like it, it's awesome!
Anyways. You're a sweatybumcake. That is all.
Burninhell
Thanks burninhell, backatcha
i enjoyed this poem and loved the use of words within it. Some parts i didn't understand but thought were fun to read.
"Do not recall
Our sky
A chime sounds at every hue of blue
And while our grass is green
Next day's will flourish vibrant, lucid.
The cogs have turned; now take my words and fly."
I love this part of the poem; it gives a sense of somber, yet fertility, i think. the symbolisms in it were very nice and calming; this is what touched me.
Anyway, i thought it was pretty good, even though i had some trouble understanding it. I hope to read more of your work.
Thanks kman134 for your review, I'm glad you liked it! I totally get that it's confusing for you in some parts like it was for a lot of people. Even for me I had to think round a few things - I don't usually write poems this complex! xD
I love the words you used and how you used them. There are places where I sort of don't get what you're actually talking about and places where it just sort of clicks, you know?
And I think you've achieved what you were hoping to- you've made it mysterious.
I had to read through it over and over till I got a good idea of what this was about and I'm not complaining. Each time I read it one of the pieces of the puzzle fit right in. There were a few blank spaces but in the end, I think they added to the mystery.
This is what I felt your poem was about.
It talks about a life filled with change.
"Dependent on where the breeze blows
We change."
Then you proceed to say how one must never just sit it one place and watch life go by. Time's too fast for you to be in one place. But at the same time we mustn't forget to stay grounded to who we are : after all time reigns over change.
"Time skips too fast; don't stop and watch
The clock tick
Stay present when its song wanes." (These were my favorite lines, by the way.)
The next paragraph talks about changing times with changing skies.
"Do not recall
Our sky
A chime sounds at every hue of blue"
I got sort of confused with the every hue of blue part. I have two thoughts about it: It either conveys the progression of a day or different places.
"And while our grass is green
Next day's will flourish vibrant, lucid.
The cogs have turned; now take my words and fly. "
These lines told me to not be afraid of taking chances. While the place I'm in right now is comfy the next one is better, brighter. It's time to make a move since the next chime has rung through.
The last paragraph spoke to me about how nothing remains the same except change itself and every day that is the one thing that keeps repeating itself- like the melodious chimes of changing time.
"No person
No chain
Will be identical, the same
But when the keeper cries at midnight,
Our flight to twilight, our song, begin again."
Over all, I loved the way it flows. I don't know if my interpretation of it is in anyway along similar lines of thought you had when you wrote it. But, I enjoyed it in my own way and I strongly believe it's true- Change is the only constant in anyone's life.
There were places where you could've been more descriptive. It would've made understanding it easier and made it sound more personal than it seems to be.
Punctuations are a bit lacking but not too obvious I guess. (I'm not experienced enough to say more on the subject.)
Thank you for your piece of art, priceofwords. I had a great time reading it.
Thanks so much for the review, and I'm really glad you got something out of my poem. Your interpretation made almost an exact correlation with what I was intending to portray about the concept of time. I understand what you mean about the description; I just wanted to leave it open to interpretation, you know? I don't usually write poems like this either - usually they're a lot more descriptive. If you check out some of my previous ones you'll see what I mean
Once again, thank you. Readers enjoying/relating to my work makes my writing all the more enjoyable to do 
As an added question: What aspects of my punctuation could be improved?
I think you could've used full stops in certain places and maybe using comma instead of semicolon would make it seem more elegant? Using capital letters in certain places would give a nice touch as well
As I said, I'm not really good enough to correct it perfectly. It's just that when you first look at the poem you don't really know where one sentence ends and the other stops. It's got a deep, abstract sort of meaning and with the body being a bit vague, it just doesn't do it justice, you know? First impressions are very important when it comes to art and though this is a really good piece of work, the formatting sort of brings it down a bit. But I enjoyed it and will definitely check out more of your work. Once again, thank you for this 
Hello.
I like the images you use in this poem. It's kind of abstract and just lets my mind wander.
That being said, there are a few things that could be improved upon to make this better.
- You have vision and sound in this poem, but where are your other three senses? Make at least one more have an appearance. How does that changing breeze feel? What does the grass smell like? Give me something more.
- I suggest you use more punctuation, especially near the beginning. I can tell where the thoughts end, but it's kind of clunky here just doing it with line breaks.
In fact, I think the line breaks of your poem are off. It makes this awkward looking, and while I do not pause at the end of a line when I read poetry, as is correct, the copious use of enjambment does not match the images you try to portray.
For example, the lines
Would flow better if you said
Throughout the poem, you have kind of awkward line breaks, and I think you should consider consolidating lines like I showed you in the example above.
- While it's nice that this poem is abstract, I would like to know what the subject is. If I knew what actually was going on, or who or what this is about, I feel like this would be more enjoyable.
I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing!
Thank you for your advice, I will certainly take it on board! I forgot to split one of my stanzas in two so sorry about that; it's done now
In regard to what the poem is about, it discusses the concept of time, how fast it moves and how it is not advisable to linger in the past. It is because of this the piece appears fragmented sometimes - this is because memory and even time itself can be fragmented. We never recall everything that happens to us, and often time itself can pass in a blur. I suppose this is what I wanted to represent, and is why not every sense is mentioned. Hope this helps 