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Young Writers Society



The Girl Playing Dress Up-Chapter 1

by pineapple321


Author's Note: Hi, Readers, I just republished this. I recently posted the second chapter so check that one after that! Happy reading :)

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I take a step into the light. The jewels on my dress shimmer like a thousand stars in a dark void. I look like a Queen when I am only a Princess. I stare at myself, inhaling sharply. The aroma of cinnamon and vanilla is faint in the air, I know my mother is near without having to turn.

"You look beautiful, dear," my mother says, putting a pendant around my neck. It is cold and heavy, not exactly my choice of accessories. 

"Thank you," I say shortly. 

"A true heir," she comments. I just nod. I look like a girl playing dress-up. No. I am Cassandra Elizabeta Lucille Astor, heir to the crown. Heir to the life of misery and choices being made for me. What fun.

Breathe, I command myself. My father walks in, grinning at me. At the little girl that he built up. He hugs me and nods at Mother.

It's over in an hour. You can deal.

"You look lovely, my dear," he tells me. 

"Thank you," I reply. I have his eyes, cold blue and cunning. I share my mother's height, tall and proud. I have their pride in me, I will not let it go.

My betrothed is waiting. He's kind no doubt, but I don't wish to fall in love with someone that hand-picked.

My sister, Nicoletta, stands beside me on the walk down. She's 2 years young than I, being 15. She walks gracefully. 

"Scared?" she asks.

"Horrified," I whisper.

"It'll be over soon," she squeezes my hand. I hold on tight, one piece of reality I need. 

We make it into the glimmering Throne Room. Mother insisted on having my prince and I meet in here. she said it was proper. 

Who am I to tell her it's not?

I see him. Like all of them, perfect and tall. His hair is honey gold, curly. His skin is light. He smiles as I walk in. I force one out, not wanting to be rude.

I'm walking into the belly of the beast. But I am not scared now. It is my duty. I need a suitable husband, don't I?

"Prince Alexander," he bows. I curtsy awkwardly, stumbling a little bit. I regain composure. "It is lovely to make your acquaintance."

What are we colleagues? I want to roll my eyes but refrain.

"Likewise," I respond. My parents and his leave the room. We stand in front of each other, observing quickly. He doesn't look arrogant which is a pro.

I count 5 minutes. I survey the room, looking for possible exits. I should just be blunt, break the boy's heart quickly to get it over with.

But how? 

My words come out before I can stop them.

"If we can't fall in love....." I begin, feeling horrible already.

"Then we'll be friends. We'll have to marry anyway," he sighs. "I love someone else, too, Cassandra. I know how it feels."

"How do you know I love someone?" I ask, confused.

"You have the glow of someone who's in love," he chuckles.

"Ah," I laugh. "Friends then?"

I hold out my hand for him. Instead of turning it away, or his face breaking into an upset scowl. He only smiles, a relieved look crossing his eyes. 

"Friends," he shakes my hand. 

At least one problem is solved.


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Tue Jul 20, 2021 9:34 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Heyyy! Here for a review!!!

My betrothed is waiting. He's kind no doubt, but I don't wish to fall in love with someone that hand-picked.

Put a comma after kind. It makes the flow a lot better, I think.
My sister, Nicoletta, stands beside me on the walk down. She's 2 years young than I, being 15. She walks gracefully.

Write it as 'younger than me' and not young than I
What are we colleagues? I want to roll my eyes but refrain.

Put a comma after what
My parents and his leave the room.

It's 'he' not 'his'

Overall, it was really a very good beginning of a novel. I don't really know why these two people have to marry. Because of their parents? It will be really hard fpr them to love each other if they are already in love with someone else. So, it was a wise decision on that person's side to tell the princess that they can be friends. Now as the genre of your novel is chosen as romance, I don't know if some sort of relationship is gonna build up between them but my brain guesses so. You did a real good job with giving all those descriptions of the characters and portray their feelings. And as the princess is a true heir, I think she might be the queen after the marriage. I am also curious to know why the princess describes the kingdom as not so a good thing.
Soon, I will get to the next chapter. A great read it was.
Keep writing!
~Forever




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Sat Apr 17, 2021 3:20 am
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HarleyNoir1 wrote a review...



Hiii! Here to write a quick review =)

First of all, I love how this chapter came out, it's not too long and boring but it's also not too rushed. I love the names of the characters, they're very unique! I cannot wait to read another chapter of this, if there's another chapter, because I really want to know who Cassandra and Prince Alexander are in love with and I hope at some point they get to be with their true love. Lastly, I love the description and tone throughout this one chapter, it really helps the chapter carry on smoothly.

Have a nice day!




pineapple321 says...


Thanks!



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Mon Apr 05, 2021 7:06 am
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey!

First of all, love the plot. I like how she goes in anticipating disaster, only to find that things aren't all that bad.

I think you should rephrase this line:

She's 2 years young than I, being 15.

Maybe make it something like this:

She's 15, two years younger than me.

I think there's an error here:

Instead of turning it away, or his face breaking into an upset scowl. He only smiles, a relieved look crossing his eyes.

Not sure, but I think it should be more like:

Instead of turning it away, or scowling, he smiles, a relieved look crossing his eyes.

Princess Cassandra sounds like an interesting character. I like her entire "Duty first" principle.

On the whole, sounds great. Can't wait to read more.

Keep Writing.




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Tue Mar 30, 2021 6:00 pm
SageOctober wrote a review...



Hello! Sage here to write a quick review!

I love all of your descriptions, as well as the tone. It helps us understand her character more. Also, I like how you have them agree to be friends. It breaks the stereotype of a story of a princess who is forced to marry someone she hates. And I really want to find out who she's in love with!

I just found one kind of clunky sentence:

She's 2 years young than I, being 15

I think that you could rephrase this to be a little more clear, maybe say "She's 15, 2 years younger than me."

Besides that, the grammar in this is great! Nice flow, it keeps the story going but it's not too fast. I really want to read more! :)




pineapple321 says...


Thank you for the review!



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Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:24 am
LilPWilly says...



Dangg
I love this. Great concept, interesting story and efficient character building. I’m interested to see where this story goes.
Only one note, who is 15? The way you put it is ambiguous enough that I can’t tell whether you’re referring to the princess or her younger sister.




pineapple321 says...


Hi! Thanks for reading, Nicoletta-the young sister is 15. I should have made that clearer in my story.



LilPWilly says...


Ofc! And idc lol it%u2019s just if you want to publish or whatever.



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Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:04 am
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hello, Spearmint here for a review! ^-^ First off, I feel like it would be super awesome if you decided to expand this into a novel! The ending is sweet and and this works pretty well as a short story, but there are also questions you could potentially answer if you wanted to write more. For example, who's Cassandra in love with? How will that person react when hearing about her betrothal? Those are just some questions I was wondering about C: I really enjoyed reading this and I would totally read a novel based on it, although you definitely don't have to expand if you don't want to! :] Okay, on to some specifics...

The jewels on my dress shimmer like a thousand stars in a dark void. I look like a Queen when I am only a Princess. I stare at myself, inhaling sharply. The aroma of cinnamon and vanilla is faint in the air.

Ooh this description is really pretty~ And I love that you wrote how Cassandra looks like a Queen, instead of outright saying that she thinks she looks mature. To me it was a great, subtle way to give the reader more information about Cassandra!
One thing I was a little confused about is where the "cinnamon and vanilla" scent is coming from. Is it Cassandra's mother's perfume? Or maybe servants have scented that area in preparation for the royal family's arrival? A little bit of explanation would be helpful for me, although this is completely optional, of course!

Heir to the life of misery and choices being made for me. What fun.

XD I love Cassandra's character; she seems kind and sarcastic at the same time (kind because she doesn't actually protest, despite being unhappy). Like @RennisanceBlade said below, it's really relatable how Cassandra doesn't voice her problems because she wants to please her parents (and possibly the kingdom). So great job with characterization here!

We make it into the room.

Hmm here I want to know more about what the room is like. Is it a ballroom? A music room? A garbage room? The point is, the reader knows hardly anything about this place, so it makes it rather hard to visualize. To help the reader out, you could sprinkle in some details here and there, for example, "We make it into the fancy room. The crystal chandeliers sparkle brighter than my dress as I look for my betrothed." Just a suggestion!

Oh and a super random side note-- your dialogue punctuation is perfect! All the commas are in the right places and it made reading this feel smooth and enjoyable. Overall I thought this was a great short story and I hope you keep writing! ^-^




pineapple321 says...


Thanks for the review. Yes I am going to expand, I just wasn%u2019t sure how it was going to turn out. Thank you for your suggestions!



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Fri Mar 26, 2021 9:55 pm
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RennisanceBlade says...



This is truly beautiful! I like how she has human emotion, but isn't cold or overly friendly. She has her own problems, yet shoves them under to keep her parents happy. I feel like this happens to many people. This is a good story, but I think you could flesh it out slightly more. Other than that, you're good!




pineapple321 says...


Thanks so much for this suggestion :) What do you mean by fleshing it out?



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Fri Mar 26, 2021 8:36 pm
JamesPeterson wrote a review...



Nice!
Overall it was a good story! However, to me this seems as more of an exposition. I hope you plan on making a second, as not much happens in this. Normally for a short story, try and pack some more into less. :) That's just my opinion of course.
Second, I think that it could flow better. For example, Alexander and her immediately begin a conversation that kind of comes out of nowhere. If you just add something to kind of "trigger" that conversation...
yeah.
There is also a few grammatical errors that take away from the whole of the piece. Try and fix those. Maybe you could use Grammarly, that program is pretty helpful.

Other than that, great story! :D

-James Peterson/Zacharias Drake




pineapple321 says...


Thank you! Yes, I was planning on making a few different parts but wasn%u2019t sure how it turn out. Thanks so much for your suggestions, they are very helpful





No problem.




"The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein