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Sierra and Will

by pineapple321


Sierra fell in love when she was 16 years old. She fell for Will. They were sort of friends but the kind that only talked once in awhile. The sort where you don't think of them. Then, Sierra noticed him more often. 

She thought of him in the morning. She thought of him when she closed her eyes at night. She thought of him while ordering coffee and during math tests. His presence in her mind was frequent.

Yet, Sierra's presence in Will's mind was occasional and fleeting. He thought of her only when he forgot the homework. It broke her heart but she ignored that part. 

In Sierra's head, they were together and happy. They were the perfect couple, or so the scenarios in her head said. You could say she was in denial, but that was not it. 

She was in love. An innocent, gripping love. The love where your heart palpitates when you receive a text from them. The love where you smile when you see them smiling.  The love where your friends begin wondering where that new skip in your step came from. The love where everything is sunshine. The love that was not always reciprocated. 

Sierra was caught off guard by it. That's what love is, unpredictable. 

It came the day when Will fell into love. But not with Sierra. With another girl that made his heart beat quick. Sierra had to watch as they began dating. 

All the confusing, indescribable feelings she had conjured up inside her were close to the surface. She broke. 

Sierra did not understand the difference between what is meant to be and what is not meant to be. As the days went on, she told herself it could only get better. 

One day, on a brisk December afternoon, she lt the window and smiled at her reflection. She was no longer hurt or broken or even angry. Sierra had moved on. 

"What are you thinking about?" her husband of 4 years asked. She turned to him smiling.

"Growth," she replied. "And rebirth."


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57 Reviews


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Wed Jun 30, 2021 7:53 pm
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Rosewood wrote a review...



Hey, Rosewood here! 🌹

I'm a bit late to review, but for some reason, this short story really resonated with me, and I just had to give you my own take!

Anyways... as I guess you could infer from the amount of comments, that this was, in fact, a well-written story. Personally, I prefer shorter ones, so this is my cup of tea.

She was in love. An innocent, gripping love. The love where your heart palpitates when you receive a text from them. The love where you smile when you see them smiling. The love where your friends begin wondering where that new skip in your step came from. The love where everything is sunshine. The love that was not always reciprocated.


I love how you gave Sierra comparisons that helped me, as a reader, relate to how she felt. You didn't just say that she was in love like, I don't know, a bee to a flower. While those kinds of comparisons are perfectly fine, the way you gave us something that would actually give us butterflies, (pun intended), is a great way of giving the reader real emotions.

One day, on a brisk December afternoon, she lt the window and smiled at her reflection. She was no longer hurt or broken or even angry. Sierra had moved on.


I noticed someone had already pointed out the "It" mistake, but something else caught my eye. As a stylistic choice, the way you worded "She was no longer hurt or broken or even angry." is fine, but I have a recommendation if you don't mind. Personally, I would have rephrased it as "She was no longer hurt or broken- not even angry." but it's up to you as the writer!

"What are you thinking about?" her husband of 4 years asked. She turned to him smiling.

"Growth," she replied. "And rebirth."


I don't know if you intended it this way, but I really like the inclusion of her husband a specific reason. With it, the line actually helped symbolize her final words on "growth and rebirth" as you so wonderfully stated. While as people, our feelings are completely valid, in the grand scheme of things, we need to understand that they were only one in eight billion. Surely, someone else will be there just as well - if not better - for us.

I guess that's it! Thank you for this quick read that I so very much enjoyed. I noticed you are in the process of a book, and I want to wish you luck on it. If it's as good as this is, I'm sure it'll go far.

Keep writing!




pineapple321 says...


Thank you so much for this review!



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Tue Jun 29, 2021 8:12 pm
JamesPeterson wrote a review...



Heyo!
I'm here to give a short review on your awesome short story here.

To start off, I like how you start it. As with most short stories, you should start with something that gets you straight to the point. Thats what you did.
"Sierra fell in love when she was 16 years old"
It captures the essence of the story, while also drawing you in as you want to know who she fell in love with, what happened, etc.

The way you described love was very apt. The feelings are captured in the few words you used.

One thing I noticed: "...afternoon, she *lt* the window and"
I think there was a typo here, but I didn't see any others.

Oh, and one last thing, the ending did seem a bit strange. Something just like seemed off with me. It looks like it was covered a few times already, so I'll just leave it at that.

In conclusion, you did a wonderful job, and I enjoyed this short story.
:D
Great job, cant wait to see more from you. :)




pineapple321 says...


Hey! Thank you for the kind review :)



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Tue Jun 29, 2021 1:00 am
AndyMcGravy wrote a review...



I think this is a really good quick short story! You did a really good job giving the real feelings of falling in love, the innocence, the life gaining color, the fulltime thinking of them, etc. The only bit of advice or critisism I could give is to just make some small parts flow better, they were already great so do not get the wrong idea. The beginning sentence or two, I think the,
"hey were sort of friends but the kind that only talked once in awhile." could have a comma, it flows naturally in my head it just looks like it could use one... other than that the only thing I think you could expand upon is the last line, it just does not flow or hit hard like it should in my unexperienced opinion, but I think you get the meaning across, I just feel something lacking at the end... GOOD JOB! I loved this short story though! Keep it up!




pineapple321 says...


Thank you so much!



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Sat Jun 26, 2021 3:10 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi pineapple321,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

That was a very fascinating story you wrote. I like that you have created something special. Let's jump right into the story:

I like how in your introduction you manage to write a sentence and indirectly render it with a different context through the tone. It's a good start for the short story. Because it has this faltering effect that you also know with love. At first you're just friends, but at some point something develops out of it and you don't immediately realise what it is.

She thought of him while ordering coffee and during math tests.

I like your comparison, how you go from one extreme to the other here. From a small pastime to an importance in a student's life.

Your narrative structure is unique in that you manage to create a repetition as well as an unconscious heightening to show a bit of how Sierra falls in love and how that love intensifies. You've done that really beautifully in your first half.

But not with Sierra.

You've created such a good build-up, with the first half, that this short sentence punches all the more in the gut, telling the reader; this won't take a happy ending. I like that approach and that you're creating something different.

she lt the window and smiled at her reflection.

I don't know what you were going to write here instead of the "it". I think it could be "saw" or "watched", but somehow it makes the sentence seem a bit dull.

"What are you thinking about?" her husband of 4 years asked. She turned to him smiling.
"Growth," she replied. "And rebirth."

Your short story has a very interesting and intriguing outcome. I like that you didn't write the usual love story with sorrow, but completely skipped that stage to describe the new beginning. I like the way you wrote the text, like a fresh adolescent love, where one is still full of expectation to be with someone forever. You manage very well to set up the ending with that short last sentence from Sierra. After the whole build-up of the current story, it has a very positive and interesting effect, as the reader has to come to terms with how they will proceed, at such a point. The fact that you have created a gap in the story I could interpret as the moment when you wake up in the morning and you don't have that pain in your heart that you can't have the one you want.

It was a really unexpected story that I enjoyed, precisely because of its uniqueness and experimentation.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




pineapple321 says...


Thank you for the review!!



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Sat Jun 26, 2021 7:53 am
QuoolQuo wrote a review...



Ahoy hoy,

This story is the pure definition of short and sweet so this review will have to be the same (or at least short).

1. The first thing that caught my attention was the style which it is written in - there's a nice simplicity to it that, though distancing the reader somewhat from the characters, also achieves a kind of intimacy with their feelings that couldn't be done using the standard purple-prose approach. It also works quite well for a story of this length and would most likely lose its charm if it were to be any longer so... Nice!

2. Nothing much to say for this point except that I liked your use of repetition in fifth paragraph :)

3.

It came the day when Will fell into love.


Nothing major here for grammar except perhaps you could write "It came to..." instead to help with clarity.

4. As I said before, this entire story is short and sweet and the only real criticism I have for it is that perhaps the ending is a tad rushed. Or at least that's how it felt to me (but who ever said my opinion was trustworthy) The only real suggest I can offer is that perhaps you could expand a bit on Sierra's whole letting go process, or how she learns the difference between meant and not meant to be. It doesn't have to be anything big, perhaps even a grudging realisation as she watches from a distance, its up to you (but that's only if you take my comment seriously which I advise against doing)


All in all, I enjoyed this quite a lot and I must try to get around to reading anything else you've written. I hope you've enjoyed my comments (as trivial as they are) and wish you a good 24-hour cycle.

-QuoolQuo




pineapple321 says...


Hi! Thank you so much for this review :)



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Sat Jun 26, 2021 5:39 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okaayy....one of the more wholesome stories that I've run into on here, and this truly was quite a lovely read. Well...more comments down below. :D

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sierra fell in love when she was 16 years old. She fell for Will. They were sort of friends but the kind that only talked once in awhile. The sort where you don't think of them. Then, Sierra noticed him more often.


Well, that's a fun way of saying acquaintance...but hmm, pretty decent start there to that story. Bit matter of fact there but well for the moment it definitely works at getting the reader's attention. And looks pretty open ended for the moment I see...you can't tell whether this ends well or not, and that's always a fun thing to have to guess at. :D

She thought of him in the morning. She thought of him when she closed her eyes at night. She thought of him while ordering coffee and during math tests. His presence in her mind was frequent.


Well, that is usually how love seems to work I believe, certainly showcasing her side of things pretty well as far as how strong her emotions are will regards to Will although the tone of this is already telling me that perhaps Will isn't going to be quite the same...

Yet, Sierra's presence in Will's mind was occasional and fleeting. He thought of her only when he forgot the homework. It broke her heart but she ignored that part.


Ahh....well that's what I was afraid of...at any rate, looks like this one is heading towards potentially sadness. I do love to see Sierra tries to look past it though. That shows that at least her feelings are true.

In Sierra's head, they were together and happy. They were the perfect couple, or so the scenarios in her head said. You could say she was in denial, but that was not it.


Well, that much is true there...things like that are never easy to understand but her hope is certainly not to be taken as simple denial there, things like that just aren't that easy to give up on.

She was in love. An innocent, gripping love. The love where your heart palpitates when you receive a text from them. The love where you smile when you see them smiling. The love where your friends begin wondering where that new skip in your step came from. The love where everything is sunshine. The love that was not always reciprocated.


Oooh, this little paragraph here is awesome here...you've captured those innocent elements of love that we always see pretty well there, its certainly a wholesome message but well you can see the potential for things to go very wrong hiding in that last line.

Sierra was caught off guard by it. That's what love is, unpredictable.

It came the day when Will fell into love. But not with Sierra. With another girl that made his heart beat quick. Sierra had to watch as they began dating.


Oh dear, this is taking a turn for the properly worse there, especially since it looks like no one's at fault, it simply one of those cases where things are just not meant to be it appears.

All the confusing, indescribable feelings she had conjured up inside her were close to the surface. She broke.

Sierra did not understand the difference between what is meant to be and what is not meant to be. As the days went on, she told herself it could only get better.


Ahh, well here we go towards the heartbreak that results from that, at the very least it appears everyone involved is being quite logical about things and she's trying to deal with things without lashing out. That's a good sign.

One day, on a brisk December afternoon, she lt the window and smiled at her reflection. She was no longer hurt or broken or even angry. Sierra had moved on.

"What are you thinking about?" her husband of 4 years asked. She turned to him smiling.

"Growth," she replied. "And rebirth."


Well, that's a beautiful message to end on there....moving on from situations like that is the best way forward...and well, its lovely to see that she got a happy ending at least and perhaps learned a lot from that experience too. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a pretty solid little story here. I personally loved the message of it and that ending was also amazing. Aaand I believe that's all I gotta say here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




pineapple321 says...


Hi! Thank you so much for the kind review :)



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!




Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
— Thomas Neill