We,
Who fly higher than the angels.
We,
Whose voice reaches farther than the wolves’ song.
We,
Whose courage is that of a lion.
We,
Whose wishes light up the night sky.
We,
Whose light shines like the sun.
We,
Who face the unknown inside us.
We,
With the pen and the page.
We,
With the words to fill them.
We,
The scribes of the human race.
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140,691 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
Hola!
Develop your ideas fully and take your time. This can be a lovely poem, but only if you look more deeper into your subject.
This poem seems a bit too disconnected and underdeveloped to me. Maybe it's just because I hate politics, but it seems like one of those annoying political speeches on TV. "We are this! We are that! We are this and that!" And I'm a horribly weird person, but when I am watching these things, I think, "What's your POINT?" Oh yeah... I love politics.
With that said, I like the first two lines:
We,
Who fly higher than the angels.
I think it's cool. But I want you to expand on this. Instead of just going on an endless circle of WEs, why not develop this thought and compare writers more thoroughly to angels? Maybe, by flying higher than angels, we are more able to touch the face of God and get a glimpse of truth? Maybe, by flying higher than angels, we're actually getting closer to our own destruction. Why are you comparing us writers with angels? There's a lot of ways that you can take this, and by skipping over this, it seems like you're deliberately trying to avoid the interesting subject. Don't.
Wow!
Thanks, everyone, for the critiques!
I'll get working on that ending.
--
Risa
You're pretty clever, did you know? Dedicating this to us writers. Being so enthusiastic about the idea, we don't really spot any mistakes. Haha. But I liked it, though.
I like the lonely "we" in the end; it kind of leaves the thought open to Us.
The ending is, indeed, a little abrupt. You could maybe expand the good idea of the poem and make it greater. But nice job, overall.
See you around!
Demeter xx
Hallo!
Mkay, this is a very, very, very long sentence. When it comes to grammar and punctuation and that sort of thing, you do the same in poems as you do in stories. To help out with this so you don't end up with commas al the end of every line break, take out the line breaks.
So:
We Who fly higher than the angels We Whose voice reaches farther than the wolves’ song We Whose courage is that of a lion We Whose wishes light up the night sky We Whose light shines like the sun We Who face the unknown inside us We With the pen and the page We With the words to fill them We The scribes of the human race
1. Caps.
2. Punctuation
3. Ending.
We, who fly higher than the angels, we, whose voice reaches farther than the wolves’ song, we, whose courage is that of a lion, we, whose wishes light up the night sky, we, whose light shines like the sun, we, who face the unknown inside us, we, with the pen and the page, we, with the words to fill them, we, the scribes of the human race
^^ You see? Much better. But read through it. Notice anything? It's a sentence fragment. A really long sentence fragment.
It reminds me of "We Real Cool" in the wording and rhythm, which is fin. It's just that "We Real Cool" wasn't a sentence fragment, and it had some punctuation. What about you?
The easy fix is to change the last one to "We are the scribes of..."
But the easy way isn't always the best way.You could also do it a different way, with periods instead of commas at the end of each thing. So:
We, who fly higher than the angels. We, whose voice reaches farther than the wolves’ song.
I personally like the second one better, so I'm going to roll with that. You can do what ever you want, though. Your poem.
We,
Who fly higher than the angels.
We.
Whose voice reaches farther than the wolves’ song.
We,
Whose courage is that of a lion.
We,
Whose wishes light up the night sky.
We,
Whose light shines like the sun.
We,
Who face the unknown inside us.
We, [I'm not really a fan of that line break... I liked how the stanzas all stared with 'we'. Maybe move this 'we' down with the next stanza?]
With the pen and the page.
We,
With the words to fill them.
We,
The scribes of the human race.
^^ Easier read.
Wow, an Ode to us writers! Amazing. I totally loved it!
The ending was kind of abrupt and left me hanging. I think there might be something more you could add to make it end smoothly.
Thanks for thinking outside of the box and writing something different from everyone else.
Becca
That's really awesome that you had the idea to write an Ode to Writers! I would've never thought of that.
I mean, come on, it's an Ode to Writers! And it's so personal. I feel like it's MADE for me!
Lmao. Great job.
I have no comments other than those. I really loved this.
Need any critiques, PM me!
<3,
Monki
Hmmm, good concept and idea. A real dash of spirit for your and our passion here. Nice! Although- it seems more like the beginnings of a piece here. There are some things I would add- firstly, even though it's an ode, show us more. Secondly, scrap the repetition of 'we' as I grew tired of reading it and it lost it's punch. Be careful about being overly dramatic about writers as well. You can use more powerful imagery without actually saying 'we are great' if you get my drift. Anyway, good start here- now take it to the next level!
Best wishes,
Eimear xx
this is nice. i like it, though i thought that it ended suddenly. i expected more for the ending.still it is a very cool poem.
Incredible. Very well thought out indeed. You have touched on a subject that is very sympathetic to those who will read it
you sly fox.
It reads, very smoothly. I did not have any trouble with the rhythm at all. I only think that the end seems a little flat, in comparison to the very vivid and eloquent use of language before it.
Other than that. FANTABULOUS!
x-kris-x