I haven't been on here in a very long time and haven't posted in even longer so I sorta forgot the etiquette. This is my first two-way poem which can be read side to side and the right column can be read downwards. I pondered deleting the first stanza so the right-hand column may make more sense, so lemme me know yay-or-nay. Thank you
Your smile beckons,
enchanting me with vain
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This is just beautiful. Really, really beautiful. I love the structure and I would really like to experiment with it sometime.
[quote]Confining my emotions
to sharp downward
Spirals;
/quote]
This is the first I've ever seen someone describe negative emotions like that. It's really good and the best part is that your don't mention 'sad' or 'disappointment' etc.
Great job! Keep it up!
First of all; Great job, awesome imagery and good atmosphere, excellent use of words and sentence structure.
Great work!
Second; I two am curious as to the title, I have never heard the word "Wanton" before, is it a legitmate word or is it a creation of yours? If the latter then awesome! I love making up new words for lyrics and poems, if not then i'd love to know what it means
Thanks for your reviews guys
They really helped. In answer to your questions:
Well, you can read it side to side, like it’s a sentence (“Your smile beckons, enchanting me in vain nothingness.”), or you could read the right column downwards as if it’s another stanza. So the right would read;” Nothingness. Numbness spirals; begging for compassion.” It's my first two-way poem so I'm sorry if I confused you a bit :3
Wanton has a lot of meaning technically, but I intended it with the definition; without regard for what is right, just, or humane. So a synonym could be malicious, or immoral. I’m not entirely sure the title seems to fit in everyone’s eyes, but I could see it.
amygabb; thank you so much, Your review helped a lot. I revised my poem and I think it sounds better.
I really loved this. I think it is such a great format to use! I vote yay for your first stanza. But I have a suggestion:
My favorite line is :
I know a person exactly like this. I think that flirting with numbness is such a great way to describe that.
One more thing: I liked your word choice through out this poem except that this stanza stood out.
I thought 'trapping' could be replaced by something that produces an image. Perhaps caging, or confining, or holding captive.
One question. What does your title mean? I just looked it up in a dictionary - deliberate and unprovoked?
I had no other suggestions. I loved it. Never stop writing!
Hey,
I have never read a poem like that, how do I follow it?
I enjoyed it, I mean it's lovely but... I don't totally understand.
Would you mind letting me in on that technique?
Sam