Drifting...
Eyes blood red.
Drifting...
So easily led.
Drifting...
One false step.
Drifting...
She fell through the clouds.
A/N: Can be taken literally and figuratively. One of the few poems I love. No postings tomorrow so getting it done tonight. Ciao!
-Nana.
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
I'm listening to the song 'Fallen' by Florence and the Machine. One of the lines is "I've fallen from grace." It's weird yet awesome how the timing on that worked...
I love poems that are this simplistic, and to the point. Very cool very cool:D
I really like how
rhymes with
and then nothing else rhymes. I sort of sets up an expectation and then tears it down.
I also love the repetition, the simplicity, basically everything about this piece.
However, one nitpick:
I actually don't like this line in and of itself. I know that whatever goes here has to be short and rhyme with "lead" but I feel like this should be tweaked a little bit. Sorry if that's totally unhelpful and someone might some along and totally contradict me, but I feel like this is just too many sentence fragments and this phrase should have some sort of action.
So those are my thoughts but essentially you did a great job.
Beautiful poem.
Hi paperbackheart,
Loved this. It was really great!
The flow was wonderful (even though it only had eight lines), and I also loved your word structure.
It's always a bit of a risk when you try a poem that has a repeating line (or stanza) in it, but your poem worked out perfectly!
I also really love the last line - it adds a nice pop to the whole of the poem.
Great job with this!
Keep writing,
Alzora
Wow! I really liked this, it was so short, but so packed with emotion. I could see her crying, and drifting away. It was just really good. I don't have much of a review to give, because I think it was perfect just how it is.