Writing From a Desk in the Dark: Chapter 8

She means the world to me. That's the first thing. She doesn't know it, but I defend her when people whisper behind her back, when they call her names. I've given up friends, because they've posted mean things on their Instagram story whenever she spoke up in student council. My friends don't always respect her, but I can't think of anyone more deserving of respect (besides, what happened to basic human decency?).

She's the kindest person I know. That's the second thing. When we eat together at the canteen, she'd never let me refill my own drink glass. I almost fell out of a chair trying to fight her on it, to convince her to let me serve her for a change (I finally succeeded two weeks ago). At church she always takes everyone's plates and washed them all, refusing all offers of help. She always gently encourages me to be better, kinder. She won’t judge if I react harshly to those who wronged me, but she’s thanked me when I’ve the kinder choice. Even though it doesn’t directly affect her, she still cares about things like that. She always sees the best in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt.

She's also the strongest person I know. That's the third thing. She's been bullied pretty badly, both at the uni and before. She's ended up with an amount of unwanted media attention, most of it circulating untrue rumors. She's also spent a fair amount of time wrapped up in several civil court cases that were not her choosing. Despite all this, she still always puts others' needs before her own. She's still kind, even to the bullies, but never lets people walk over her or take advantage. She's not innocent or naive, but has a type of inner strength,a quiet kind. Most people miss that. Instead, they make snap decisions based solely on external appearances, not who she is inside.

She's also my friend and she's leaving, that's the fourth thing. Only having ever lived in small towns, she's moving to a big city to do religious volunteer work for a year. She leaves in two months.

I'm going to miss Demeter. I've only known her a few months, though I've known of her from the news articles much longer. I’m sure she suspects as much, though I never let on that I’ve read them. I wish I only knew her for what she chooses to share with me. Instead, the rest of the world and myself knew her for some of her darkest secrets and rumors the bullies posted online, before ever meeting her. I wish I knew these things because she trusted me enough to tell me, not from the newspaper. I wish I had more time to get to know her. Still, I get why she needs to leave. It'd be very difficult to stay here, with all the media attention and court cases. In another city, she could be anonymous. There, she could meet people who get to know her, before reading about her in the news.

In some far-off imagined land, I wish I could go with her. I can imagine getting an apartment with her (we both currently have single rooms in the halls). She'd be a good roommate. We both like to be alone a lot, but that doesn’t usually extend to each other's company, just everyone else’s, at least in my case. We’d sit down to dinner together most nights, the way we do now. We'd tell each other about our day and grow closer. But that's not reality. 

She’s like a sister to me. That’s the fifth thing. She probably doesn’t think of me the same way, but to me, she’s like the older sibling I never had. She’s a listening ear and a good advice giver, extremely wise despite being only four years older. We haven’t known each other long, but she means the world to me, a statement I don’t make lightly. My heart swells, a smile creeping to my face thinking of her as I write this.  I’ve never told her, but I platonically love her.