Just a Drop of Ink

I like this poem! I am going to give you a review, though, on how you could format it and some tips on the writing.

Before I start quoting I want to let you know that you can go here to see how to space: How to format your poetry on YWS

And mention that italics have a great impact on what you're trying to say. Visual poetry is something to be considered every once in a while. And when you have a long poem type I'd really recommend some visual poetry, not really even for the reader, but just so that when you look at it, you know how you're feeling when you see it. And that can translate to the reader.

Okay, let's start.

Black feathers surround me,

Their quills soaked in my ink,

Bleeding into the once soft whiteness of their plush feathers.

This was a good start! I liked the feather metaphor because feathers are soft and so are our hearts. I don't have a problem with the formatting here, however, for this kind of emotional piece I think that not having such a formal style might help you.

For example:

Black feathers surround me,
their quills soaked in my ink,
bleeding into the once soft whiteness
of their plush feathers.

Break it up to how you would say it in a spoken word, so that when we're reading it we can read it kind of with the rhythm you had in mind. Also, there's always the option of no caps at all, it may seem messy or not proper, but when talking about emotion it gets the point across pretty well.

The walls splattered with my words.

Covered in the ramblings of a regretful mind,

The floor layered in droplets of wet ink.

I like this as well, but I feel a bit iffy about walls suddenly appearing, I guess it works because it's poetry and you don't need to introduce every detail. But in that case, I'd suggest not putting "the" sometimes "the" needs to be backed up and if you don't want to give background info on why walls were there maybe don't include it?

Walls splattered with my words,
Covered in the ramblings...

Moving on,

Each word a single thought in my mind,

A breath,

A wish,

A dream,

A hope that some of them could be erased.

I'm not sure about this part, as in I'm not sure what you were trying to say, and I think it comes out a bit off from the rest of the poem. It seems like it was added for effect and while that is cool, I'm not sure it worked. However, I like the thought behind it.

A hope that some of them could be erased.

Yet the ink is permanent,

Bound to my soul

The very thing that keeps me grounded to this planet.

I like this stanza, however that last line "The very thing that keeps me grounded..." I feel like it could be shortened. Example:

The only/very thing keeping me grounded to this planet.

Its darkness slowly invading my world,

Taking every pinprick of light.

Such a fog stealing over the stars in the night.

I feel like you should take out the "slowly" technically it's already invaded the person's world based on the previous stanza's. It's like we're going back to the stage when this darkness first entered. Also, I love that last line. Beautiful.

And as time goes on the lines become more distorted,

The once white walls

Now mixed with the black ink of regret, sorrow and despair that comes with each word.

Each word that I myself live, speak, and write.

And this combining mass of black and white slowly fades to a dull gray.

Okay so, now here comes the part where it seems like you're just repeating yourself. I suggest finding a different way to transition to that last line. Because you're basically saying exactly what you said before, and it's not necessary. It also is confusing because before you made it sound like there was no "white" anymore at all. Be careful with how you phrase things! And how you're telling your story, especially if your poetry is a narrative like this one.

Something bleak and cold

That yet more words can be written upon.

Words of fear, hatred, hope and despair,

Words beyond even my own comprehension.

Now I'm feeling like it's just being prolonged, please don't take that offensively, I understand this part of the poem, when your words just flow, but it might be flowing carelessly. And unfortunately this part isn't the best, especially that last line.

As I sit in this pool of ink,

I can feel each word.

Read each lie and taunt,

Scream each cry of pain,

And cry each tear of terror.

yay! Back on track! This was powerful, maybe "read each lie and taunt" is unnecessary, but other than that, it brought out emotion, and it was a little different.

The words find their way over my skin,

Each finger and knuckle tattooed in irremovable ink.

My arms are lined with cries for help, from words that,

have never been said.

The words written on my lips for when I should have held my tongue.

And while over my slow beating heart

I find it is the only blank area.

In the quotes I made some edits. I like the start of this part, but then it turns a little confusing, especially with "The words written on my lips for when I should have held my tongue." part after it was just said you have cries from words you haven't said.

As if all of these meaningless words poured forth from there,

Leaving my soul and mind empty

A gray slate ready to be written on again,

Yet the more ink I add the darker the gray gets.

Again, I feel like you're repeating yourself. I would like to work with you on your poetry though, I can see several improvements being made! And I need to point out, you started with white feathers, not a gray slate...and empty = nothingness, and that is either white or black, but that is subjective. I may understand what you were trying to say, but I still think it could have been otherwise said. This was a pretty good stanza, though with all that said!

And soon I fear

I will become nothing more than an ink blot

A dark spot of innumerable worthless words.

Good stanza/part! Yay!

Yet as I sit and read them

I find,

That each word is more precious than rubies,

A sentence worth its letters in platinum,

Each punctuation an earthshaking revelation.

Are these the same words staining you with ink? Because then I think you've flipped the whole poem around into a completly different poem with this stanza. It doesn't connect at all. I know what you're trying to say, but I think you should mention how you see other words, or words in someone else that brings these profound thoughts. Otherwise it would be very odd that it turned from something making you cry to being "more precious than rubies" xD.

As if we could stand on the scale and see the weight and worth of each word

See how many of them we have wasted.

Given in anger and jealousy,

In hatred and malice.

I like this one!! xD

Each one a barb intended to harm,

And when you look at your reflection in the mirror

Quietly watching your every word crawl across your skin

Overlapping you, making you nothing more than a drop of dried ink on a page.

I added something in bold. I liked this part too! I thought the last line could use some improvement though. But it was good.

And as you look at this reflection of all the lost words intended for harm,

I ask you

Do you feel any remorse,

Regret?

I edited this quote. I think this was good, that first line though, repeating things again. xP

Such as a single thread of your being screaming at you

Telling you to stop, before your words dig too deep.

Yet you continue.

I added a comma and a period. "Such"? Hmm... I'm not sure that fits. I don't think this stanza was as good as it could've been.

Even though,
just a single thread of your being is screaming at you,
telling you to stop, before your words dig too deep,
you continue.

I'm not saying this is exactly the best way to write this stanza, but it's another way, and I think that it wasn't broken up correctly in your poem.

You persist in the harm of others,

Even as you yourself scream inside,

Begging your very lips to stop.

Hmm. x) I misunderstood some of the poem thinking it was about hurting yourself, or is it about hurting both others and yourself with words?

I sit surround by (I think you meant "my"?) black feathers,

no longer anything but a dried drop of black ink.

An echo of every time I ignored myself,

And that screaming voice telling me to stop.

I edited that stanza! And that's a wrap!

Please take into consideration everything I've suggest and pointed out. I think you have lots of potential and if you'd like to work on poetry with me, I could give you some pointers here and there (as I improve my own poetry as well). I would also like to welcome you to the site once again and congratulate you on a pretty good first work! I gave it a like. : )

Have a good day!