In the night, I strain to see
what lies ahead of me.
The path ahead is unplowed
and I walk in a shroud.
Swimming in mystery and doubt,
fear often plagues this route.
Peering through the gray,
I try to find the Way.
And then who should appear,
but my Lord walking near.
With Him at my side,
I have the perfect guide.
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126,025 Literary Works • 672,935 Reviews
Hello, I am a newbie, AsianQueen17. I am here to do a review for you so I can get one step closer to having my first star!
I really like this poem. My favorite part would have to be, "Swimming in mystery and doubt, fear often plagues this route. Peering through the gray, I try to find the Way." as I read it I can picture myself trying to find a way out of a road like route and it being foggy therefore making it hard to see through the gray. I don't know if that is what you are talking about but it is what I see in my head. You don't have any grammar problems and I like the structure so I think your doing a pretty good damn job. (Excuse the language but it had to be inserted there, you are just doing that great.)
God Bless!
Thank you for your words of encouragement!
Your welcome
Loved it
Very nice! As a follower myself I can completely relate to this. It seems the moment life grows darker we are quick to forget about our God. The rhythm is a bit off in the last stanza, if you could find a substitution for 'close to my side' with the right amount of syllables it would read much more smoothly. Either way it's lovely, great job!
Thank you! I think I fixed that problem now; would you agree?
I completely agree, well done! ^;^
Thanks again!
As a believer and a church goer, I enjoyed your work. It was full of honesty and encouragement for those who are enduring hard times.
Thank you. =)
p.s. Great profile picture! I love Legolas.
Such a good poem. I love the message behind it and everything. It's a little catchy and cliche, but I also think that's what makes it so good. It's a very positive and uplifting piece. I think as Christians we are so quick to forget about God when we're in our storms. We blame him for it, instead of seeking guidance from Him. It was very well done.
Yes, that unfortunately does happen, and too often. I'm guilty of that myself. Had my life been particularly rough at the moment, I don't think that I would have even thought of writing this. Since I'm just coming out of a hurricane, though, I can recognize the truth now looking back.
Thank you!
Knight of the Green Room Malachi here to review.
Love this poem. It has such a good moral, and it is so true. This is a very encouraging poem. Being a Christian I really enjoy this. That is exactly how I feel about things sometimes. God will never leave us. Your writing itself was good, and I didn't see any typos or mistakes.
Keep it up!
Thank you! And it's nice to meet you. =)
Very ryhme-y. I don't usually review poetry, for it is an art and one that has differing view points, and should not be critisied (and I totally slaughtered that word, but I can't think of how to spell it at the moment). I loved the line "fear often plagues this route." I am not quite sure what the message of this poem is, but I like it nevertheless. Good job.
Thank you!
Knight Dragon, here to review!
This was good, but your rhythm was off in the third line of the second stanza (three beats shy of the pattern). And the last stanza, line three, could be written "When He's by my side" to match the beats of that stanza. Otherwise good job.
Hope this helps!
Thank you! I never focused on the rhythm until now. The first stanza is 7,6,7,6. The second is 8,6,5,6, and the last is 6,6,5,6. (After fixing line 3 in the last stanza.)
Should I try to make it all fit 7,6,7,6?
That was really good! the rhythm was great! Just one thing too point out, stanza 2 last line the "Way" at the end shouldn't be capitalized. Same goes for "Guide" it shouldn't be capitalized unless it is a name or the beginning word in the line. But overall it was spectacular! great imagery, please continue writing you are wonderful!
Thank you! I capitalized them because they referred to God, and that sort of word usually is. Now that I think about it, though, only "Way" should be capitalized.
Thank you again!
no prob!