Mourning Reminisences (A Villanelle)

Hello, Aley here to review.

First of all I'd like to say I love villanelles as well.

I think that there's a certain knack you have to have to write the villanelle, and a certain daring attitude to attempt to write one without being forced to, so I really hope you try the style again a few times just to get more into it, and do it without an assignment. That being said, I do think you've tapped into something that you're comfortable with, more or less. There are very few things in this poem that are actually useless, which can be really hard to do with a villanelle since you need so many words that rhyme. You also didn't just stick with one word rhymes, but you have some two syllable words in there too, which really hides them better.

One of the best things about this poem is that you've built in an internal slant rhyme. "Still" actually rhymes with your b words which is amazing. I give you snaps for that.

Overall, however, I feel like this is rather underwhelming for a villanelle. First we have the same basic idea at the end and the beginning. There's no fancy trick with the sentences that gives us something new because they're already connected to start with. Your end is just taking out the middle clause and writing the simple sentence. For me, I need a villanelle to have something a little extra with the end couplet where it's really something new we haven't seen or heard before. The best way I've known to do that is to put the sentence in the middle in the first stanza, something that changes the meaning of the couplet if it's not there. So take yours, "the wind blows softly on/in the still hours before dawn." in order to put something in that sentence that's going to change the meaning we're going to have to be pretty creative. "the wind blows softly on/like a dragon eating mutton/in the still hours before dawn" I mean, if we stick something in there like that it's going to give the poem a whole different feel and by the end the two were so unrelated/distantly related that it creates interest in the same lines we've been reading again and again.

Anyway, I hope this gives you something to play with on your next villanelle. I'm really excited to see what you do with it.

Hello WindSailor here to review your Villanelle. After reading the poem I had an image in my mind that just brought peace, but also a bit of sorrow it was quite beautiful the way you put imagery into this poem. The villanelle form of the poem doesn't seemed to force, considering it can be quite hard to write a poem with a rhyme scheme like this, but you did really well with making it flow naturally. Also, I feel like this is something many people could relate to of having that moment out in the quiet alone where you call upon memories that have passed. I really have nothing negative or any real critique to give it was just a great poem. Keep writing!

Hiya Catcha01 here with a review!

I really did like this poem. It really captures the beauty of silence and the "still hours before dawn".
It flowed along very well and was enjoyable to read. Though enjoyable it also tugged on your heart strings a bit so I congratulate you on being able to connect so personally with your audience. Overall I have not one single complaint. I also like your use of vales as oppose to valleys in your second line it sounded very poetic and aided the fluidity of your poem. Great job on such a magnificent piece!

Happy Writing!

~Catcha01

What type of assignment?
I love this poem! It's very heart-touching. It made me tear up a bit <_<

Poetry isn't my best writing, but I think you did fine.

Also I love title! Mourning instead of Morning, good choice

Keep writing ^~^ They are good. )

Goodman