Young Writers Society

This is beautiful. I love the figurative language- it's so clever. "I am stuck with a tongue tied to honesty"-- fantastic!

This poem gets me because I relate to it, but not to the narrator, to "those who can smile and skate away". It's in the same sort of way (and forgive me if this reference doesn't make sense to you) I relate more to Aaron Burr than Alexander Hamilton in the Hamilton musical (until, ya know, he shot him). It's a super weird feeling when you relate more to the "villain" or "other" of the story than the protagonist, but I kind of like it.

Lovely poem overall. I can't really think of anything negative to say.

Hey niteowl, Katja here to review your poem. As with all of my reviews, please feel free to disregard all comments and suggestions I make, should you find them unhelpful. That being said, let's get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

So, I made sure after reading that I went back and checked out the version before you revised it as well as the picture that inspired the original poem. I think your revised version comes off as more emotional and the overall flow is more fitting. It's VERY impressive that with just a few minor tweaks you achieved an overall drastically improved poem.

As for the inspiration photo- equally as impressive that you came up with a seemingly very deep poem from a black and white ice skater/drink server.~ I liked the reference of "skating" in your poem and how you built upon this in a meaningful way.

The poem itself expresses an inability to "skate" away from the past... Given the context of the poem, I interpreted this past to be repeated failures and the narrator's inability to believe in themselves. The narrator - in my interpretation- seems to- maybe resent or envy people who similarly "fall" but "smile and skate away" or move forward from their pasts. The best word I could describe after reading your poem was "Ruminating" or basically repeated thoughts in your mind- In the aspect of depression, it is similar to this where you constantly think about negative thoughts and it can really hold you back which I immediately connected with your poem. Definitely a deep poem and, as I said, I'm impressed with this coming of the inspiration picture.

Overall, I liked your poem a LOT. The way you used enjambment really added to the overall flow and paired nicely with the theme. I also liked the format choice of not capitalizing every line and using proper punctuation. It reads as a very mature and professionally written piece~

To be honest, there is not much I can make suggestions for. I love your writing style and you are clearly a talented writer. I hope my interpretation and points, at the very least, were helpful.

Keep Writing,

~Katja

Wow. Great job! I really enjoyed this! It makes the reader really think. It's very powerful. I love the starting line. It entices you to read more.
"those who can smile and skate away
from the broken glass
as if they never fell" This is a really great analogy and sets up the rest of the poem nicely.
The second and third stanzas make the reader really feel and understand the narrator and their struggles. The only real suggestion I have is that the line "with a tongue tied to honesty" felt a little awkward to me. That is just preference though. Overall, I really liked this!