Sometimes my dream quests are surreal
like when I lived in London last night,
and had to walk to Paris
while carrying my goldfish.
Other times, they are as stunningly simple
as driving to school,
except I am two hours late
and I stop at the McDonald's
that my mind placed on the wrong side of town.
A/N: From NaPo 2017, inspired by a couple dreams of mine. In one, I was living with @Rydia in London and one of our roommates had to go visit her boyfriend in Paris while carrying a goldfish. I also have recurring dreams of being back in my hometown driving to school late, yet stopping at a McDonald's or gas station in an area where nothing like that exists IRL. Link
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I like that you wrote dreams to be something that can be equal parts surreal yet awkwardly lifelike, if that makes sense. Rather than writing of dreams that are super crazy or out of this world, it's simple moments that invade our dreams more often than not.
I do think that this poem could have used a bit more in terms of length; I would love to see more of what the speaker's dreams usually entail. Is it normal for them to have dreams like this, or are there instances in which they have more vivid dreams based on real life experiences that hold a lot of meaning?
I don't have any real suggestions aside from providing some more detail into your dreams (whether or not they're fictional would be up to you) but I like the simplicity and the realness of the poem as it stands right now.
Write on!!
**My Thoughts**
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Hello there! LZ here with a review. I loved this poem! It was short and sweet, yet you said all you wanted to say (hopefully). Also, thank you for putting the backstory to this poem. It was nice to know where it came from
**Formatting and Grammar**
The formatting was good! It looks very clean, yet simple. I didn't catch any grammar mistakes, nothing stood out to me!
**Punctuation and Capitalization**
I didn't catch anything wrong with capitalization, everything was fine. For punctuation, there was one thing I noticed. In the first line: "Sometimes my dream quests are surreal". I think you could put a comma after "surreal". Otherwise, I have no other comments!
**Quick Review**
No formatting, capitalization, and grammar mistakes. You could fix one punctuation thing.
I really enjoyed this poem! Keep on writing and have a lovely 2020!
P.S: I was actually watching a travel vlog of Paris and London before I was reviewing this.
Your poem is a very simple poem.
I hope you take no offense in what I just said, but it’s just what I thought your poem was when I finished it.
Also, if there are any messages behind the poem, I missed them.
Your description of each dream is very *to-the point*, very descriptive, without any backstory or any reaction or opinions on each dream. Well except on each first line of each stanzas *sometimes my dream quests are surreal* and the last one *other times they are as stunningly simple* but you describe each dream very well, and you have a little whimsical style in the way you shape each sentence; that I very much enjoy.
No rhymes I think, or then they are very slightly nuanced.
Maybe that choice of un-regularity is there to remind the un-regularity of dreams? Or maybe it is there to remind how only your dreams are that way, which could make us think you’re talking of something more than just dreams- maybe your own problems, choices, conflicts, or even your own life. Who knows.
Following, I just wanted to ask if your poem has a deeper meaning, like I said earlier- whether you use dreams to describe, not the dreams, but something else. (A metaphor really. Or in this case, an extended metaphor) maybe your life? Maybe the simplicity of some things, or the difficulties of your *dream quests* as you call them. (Dream quests= goal? Dream Future?)
And that’s pretty much all.
Please excuse the long read and all the mistakes in my review 😅
Thanks for the review! I don%u2019t know if there really is a deep meaning. I guess it%u2019s thinking about how in dreams we can literally do anything, and yet my mind chooses well worn paths instead, and even those it gets wrong. Perhaps that could be explained a little more explicitly in the poem. Thanks again!