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The Chase

by niteowl


I was the kind of girl
who made you dance with me,
couldn't wait for an invitation.
You had those sweet brown eyes,
yeah I was hypnotized,
couldn't see your hesitation.

Could I have done things differently?
Could I have made you mine?

I'm a thousand miles away
and I still see your face,
though you didn't want to stay
and there's nothing left to say
somehow I'm still
singing for you tonight.

I chased you like a dog
chases its own tail,
leaving love notes at your door.
Hopelessly optimistic,
perhaps unrealistic,
like I'd never heard no before.

I wonder if you think about me
though you were never mine...

I'm a thousand miles away
and I still see your face,
though you didn't want to stay
and there's nothing left to say,
somehow I'm still
singing for you tonight.

I know that you're out of my life
I know I should want to be free
but chasing you was its own high
and I'm missing that tonight
oh...

I'm a thousand miles away
and I still see your face,
though you didn't want to stay
and there's nothing left to say
somehow I'm still
singing for you tonight
A/N: Revised lyrics from NaPo. I made a quick acapella recording so you can at least get an idea of what it sounds like in my head (even though it always sounds better in my head).  Link


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Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:44 pm
alliyah wrote a review...



Hey nite! I hadn't listened to the song I don't think when I read it the first time, but saw Jaybird's review and noticed the song link at the bottom so gave it a listen.

First - I find lyrics writing to be a lot more difficult than normal poetry, and then I also find it super intimidating to post singing - so kudos to you for doing both!

The song version seemed even - no awkward pauses or mess-ups on the words, and it was a great addition to hear how you envisioned it being song. I think I'd agree with mage that when reading it I definitely envisioned it slower paced / sad, but the singing made me rethink it a bit more positively, maybe bitter rather than just sad.

I think the narrative comes through pretty well (which is sometimes also hard in songs, because of the limited space and repetition!) I interpreted it to be about a girl who is looking back on a relationship that she's now had a lot of distance from emotionally, space-wise, and time-wise and is just kind of asking herself why she's still remembering the subject. The speaker also seems to have a lot of self-blame, that they were the one who was doing things wrong, and chasing too much. The self-blame aspect is interesting, just in that people often lament in poems the end of a relationship, or the marvelous attributes that they liked about a past-relationship, but they rarely take the next analytical step (at least in YWS relationship poetry...) to ask the "why" things didn't work out, or "why" they're feeling how they do.

Part of me thinks that it shows a maturity in being able to get to that next level of asking questions, but then the redirection of just blaming their own personality seems really sad, and like maybe they still haven't had enough distance to be truly objective about it. I like that there were those different emotional layers expressed, it made the poem a lot more interesting than the usual love-sick ballad.

I think that the opener was really strong:

"I was the kind of girl
who made you dance with me,
couldn't wait for an invitation."


It evokes a specific image while also giving a big indication of other aspects of their relationship and the speaker's personality, so it gets a lot into a simple image.

The chorus also I think is good,
"I'm a thousand miles away
and I still see your face,
though you didn't want to stay"


it makes sense, is snappy, and gets at the main theme of the song.

One image I didn't think was too strong -
"I chased you like a dog
chases its own tail,"


for some reason this just really brought me out of the poem imagining a dog, and although I think the image fits with the theme of what's been expressed so far, the speaker comparing themselves to a dog is really tense even to an almost humorous level to me because it's uncomfortable. I just see the image of a dog chasing their own tail as more funny/dark than what the rest of the poem was expressing I guess. I do really like the rest of that stanza though.

Overall it's a well expressed full song and actually also feels like it would fit well into your LMS project! :)

Let me know if you had any questions about my review or wanted feedback on something I didn't cover.

alliyah




niteowl says...


Thanks for the review! You're always so insightful. The sad part is this wouldn't fit in my LMS project because it's actually about another guy lol I was a hot boy-crazy mess in college.

Hm...I'll have to think about the "chased you like a dog" line. I think it's fitting, but I can also see how it might take you out of the song.

"but then the redirection of just blaming their own personality seems really sad, and like maybe they still haven't had enough distance to be truly objective about it." Ouch way to play keyboard therapist lol. I think when I write these sort of reflective pieces, I'm more analyzing myself than the other person, because I feel like these one-sided crushes are about me more than the poor person who had the audacity to be attractive in my general vicinity. And maybe it's hard to be objective because I have yet to experience something where the person actually likes me back lol.

Thanks again! :D



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Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:54 pm
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Magebird wrote a review...



Hey there, @niteowl! I saw your poem lurking in the Green Room, so I thought I'd help you by getting it out.

When I first read through your poem/song, I admit I wasn't really sure what to comment. It had good word choice, great grammar, and was formatted perfectly, but nothing really stuck out at me. It wasn't until I listened to you sing it and read the lyrics at the same time that I finally figured out what I wanted to say. The poem on its own has a completely different feeling than when you sang it. I was imagining that it would sound like a slow, regretful song, but your recorded version was far more passionate and energetic.

I think that passion fits this song perfectly. The point of the song is that the speaker isn't ready to move on from her past lover; the eagerness in the song's beat really conveys that. Some of the lines do as well - this one in particular really sticks out to me:

I was the kind of girl
who made you dance with me,


From the first two lines, the listener/reader already knows that the speaker is the one who did all of the pushing in the relationship. It was something I didn't pick up on until my second reread of it, but I really love the effect it has on the song.

(I'm also a big fan of works that acknowledge what they are - like how this song acknowledges that it's being sung.)

Overall, I really loved this song! I can't wait to read more of your poetry/songs in the future.




niteowl says...


Thanks! Yeah I think it's tricky to review lyrics, even though I write them lol. I'm also not as talented on the music side, though I do sometimes plunk around on a keyboard for that. At least I can still use my mediocre voice to give an idea of what I'm envisioning, haha. It's interesting that you thought it would be slow, since I've always pegged this as a faster song (until maybe the final chorus, when I'd want to slow down to close out the song).

One thing I do when looking at lyrics when there isn't any music is read aloud and see if I can come up with my own tune. Even if it's way off from what the writer intended, I can see where the flow works and where it might need help.

Thanks again! :D



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Sat Jan 04, 2020 10:51 am
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MadagascarMaiden wrote a review...



Interesting lyrics, I didn’t know that you could post songs. I, personally, am a singer and a lover of great music. You really expressed yourself in this short but lovely song. I’ve only written one song in my lifetime, it wasn’t as long as yours. Finding words to describe how I feel is a difficulty for me. So usually my works are even shorter than this one was. keep up the good work. :-)




niteowl says...


Oops, guess I hadn't seen this until today. Thanks for the review! Yeah, songs are tricky because you need to focus on the rhythm and flow as well as the content.




If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming