Leno’s ears were awake long before his eyes opened. He heard the familiar voices of Judi and Mika nearby as their conversed. He also heard an unfamiliar rustling sound and felt a cool breeze on his face. He felt the rough ground beneath him but this was not the same as the tough beaten earth he was used to in the slave settlement. It was soft and felt as though he could sink into it if he were heavy enough.
“He said we should rest until evening but told us we have to move out, I just hope Leno wakes up by then”
“Mika stop it. Stop hiding. Aunt Mara told us Leno is fine but I know you are not. Please Mika look at me”
Leno was wide awake now but he did not open his eyes. He wanted to listen for a little longer. What had happened to Mika?
“Mika, please don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault.”
“It is Judi. It was my birthday yesterday and it turned out to be the end of so many people. How unlucky am I? This time yesterday they were all there. Eating and laughing and so were we. And now…. now it’s just….”
Leno tensed as he listened closer. Mika was almost close to tears.
“Mika, what happened yesterday had nothing to do with you. Aunt Mara says it was his fault entirely. And anyway, think of it like this. Because it was your birthday all those people in sector twelve, all our friends got one last day to be happy and to enjoy themselves. It wasn’t a pitiful … a”
Judi was sobbing. Leno knew it was time to intervene. He knew fully what was going on now. Mika being the over caring person that he was somehow felt responsible for the events that had happened. It was the next day after Mika’s birthday. Also Judi was unable to comfort Mika because she herself couldn’t cope with the loss. Leno knew it was a good time to get up. At least it would give them both something else to think about and he would then personally console them both later. Strangely Leno was unaffected by all the sorrow at that precise moment, all that mattered was his friends’ wellbeing.
“Ugh… ah my head” moaned Leno as he cradled his head in his hands pretending to be in some sort of pain.
“Leno you are awake” shouted both Judi and Mika in unison. Both had snapped out of whatever emotions they were in a moment ago and just as Leno had predicted they had all their attention on him. Judi went to get aunt Mara leaving Mika with Leno. As soon as Judi left Leno dropped his hands and turned to Mika. He was paler than he was normally, now he really did look like someone who was ill, even to Leno. His eyes were bloodshot and his raven hair was messy. Aunt Mara came over and to Leno’s relieve Ivan followed behind. Leno observed Ivan carrying a cannon blaster in his hands. Aunt Mara was wearing a travelling cloak and she was equipped with a backpack that was bursting with medical equipment from herbs to operation tools.
“Leno my dear, how are you?” enquired aunt Mara whilst turning his head from left and then to right inspecting him. Clearly she cared little for his opinion as she continued speaking, “You seem to be fine, here have a bread to eat. I suppose you are a little starved, you definitely haven’t eaten in over a day”
Leno took the bread eagerly and began eating. He looked up moments later and realised all eyes were fixed on him. They seemed concerned both for his wellbeing but also they wanted something from him. Suddenly the full scope of the events of the day before hit him. He had been acting very suspiciously. In all the chaos no one had understood him but by now they would have all decided that he was well informed of at least some of the events. And they wanted some sort of explanation.
“It was the man” he blurted. “I ran into him yesterday during the party except I was in the tunnels. He told me something bad was going to happen. He knew it was coming. He was so sure. I ran back to tell everyone but the stone hit me. When I woke up a voice in my head told…”
“I knew it was him” cut in Judi. “He seemed very above it all. Even a moment ago, he was so sure. See aunt Mara you were right”
“I think it’s time we confronted him aunt Mara. This is all too suspicious” concluded Ivan with an air of finality. No one questioned him. Everyone got up and Mika helped Leno to his feet.
What is going on? That guy is here? What do they mean confront? Leno walked in silence but nudged Mika in the back. He wanted a little explanation. Mika understandingly slowed down a bit and whispered, “After you went cold yesterday, that man, Gregor, came and helped us escape. He sort of pushed us along to the gate near the slave yard. There we met up with some other escapees who were being led by Ivan. He had a cannon blaster and they had raided the medical warehouse and the food store. All of us together rushed into the woods”
They walked past a few trees and came into a small gathering of people. To Leno’s relieve he saw some familiar faces. Old timer Joe was talking to Woody and Sam from sector twelve was also there. Behind a bush Tyson was seen throwing some stones. Suddenly a guilty sensation welled up inside Leno. He thought Idiot, hasn’t he done enough with stones already. Of all the people who didn’t make it he had to survive. Judi grabbed his arm and shook her head. That terrified Leno. Judi sometimes did things like that where she knew he was thinking bad things. She could read him like anything and sent shivers to his bones. Leno also saw three people huddled together near the trunk of a tree. A Tree. He realised the rustling sound he had heard earlier was from the leaves. How strange he had forgotten the sound of leaves.
The three people turned their attention towards the approaching group. Leno knew them from sector eight. The man was called Tom but the two women stood next to him he knew nothing of apart from the fact that they were always together. He had seen them enough times and even exchanged smiles with them often as he passed them but had never spoken to them. There was also another man sitting on his own whom Leno did not recognise. He was short and seemed to be middle aged but he was already balding. Then suddenly from a tree Gregor jumped down. He had quick made binoculars in his hand. It was crafted out of wood with magnifying glass fitted at the end. He smiled as he saw the group approaching.
“I see our lad has woken up”
“No!” snapped aunt Mara. “He is not your lad and neither is anyone here. We are ever so grateful that you helped us get out but make no mistake, we are all aware of what you did.” Gregor looked puzzled but Ivan chipped in.
“Word has it you knew that a storm was coming and you even had the nerve to boast to Leno about it. So why don’t you tell us how you came to learn of this storm?” Gregor was about to reply when he fixed his gaze on Joe. Old timer Joe was also armed with a cannon blaster and it was fixed on Gregor. Ivan followed suit. Leno knew that such weapons were useless against Gregor but he didn’t want to interrupt them. Instead aunt Mara did.
“Don’t bother gentlemen. Our son of a lord has the power of essence. That is why he is so confident and smug all the time. He is not like the res t of us. His safety and survival is on a different level. It is why he finds us so amusing. We are like ants running around in panic when a predator rushes in.”
“Please stop right there”. Gregor raised a hand. “I am not some kind of maniac. You asked me to explain and before I even had the chance you all just burst into your own little tirades. I was the son of a lord as Mara Tombstone pointed out. She knows all too well, she delivered the youngest of my siblings a long time back. All my family are long gone now. I am part of the rebellion. I possess the power of essence and I was given a mission to investigate something in the slave yard so I came. Of course I being there would cause havoc but the mission was of the utmost importance”
“So you came to our slave settlement for some lousy mission and that’s why all those people died?” aunt Mara questioned.
“How did you get in” asked Ivan.
“Ah clever man. You see I attracted the attention of a combat unit and then proceeded to destroy half of them. I then shut down the rest and reprogrammed them. I changed their orders and then they simply led me in. I also reprogrammed the wardens at the slave settlement which is why I was able to get around” chuckled Gregor. He looked very proud of himself.
“I am glad you find things so funny” raged aunt Mara. “You killed all those people for some mission. Whose side is this rebellion on anyway? What mission is so important that all those people had to die, answer me?”
Gregor stopped chuckling. Leno saw those amber eyes focus on aunt Mara.
“I am sorry; I don’t think I heard you right. Did you just ask me whose side we are on? Well, let me ask you something, whose side are you on? We are fighting for the good of all humans still struggling, all those hoping to be freed and many who have been unable to come back to their countries since they fled. You and all the slave settlements are full of people who have given up. You are all digging up metal so more machines can be made. So why don’t we tally up all the people who died fighting the machines you practically supplied all those years. Go on Mrs Tombstone, answer me? That’s right, now you don’t feel so superior do you?”
Ivan punched Gregor across the face. He fell to the floor. He didn’t resist or get up. He simply looked at aunt Mara with that sinister smile he was so good at showing. She looked gobsmacked. Aunt Mara swallowed and Leno realised she was speechless.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey I finally got the time to review stuff. And here I am. First of all, I like your description of the thing Leno was lying on. It was rough but soft at the same time. And you even added that had Leno been more heavier, he would’ve sunk in it. It makes me wonder whether it was one of those elevated tables made of earth or was it a pile of dry sand. (Just curious)
Next, I liked the way you constantly showed what Mika was feeling. Not only by what he himself was saying but also by Judi. It was a great idea to make Judi say the words, “Mika stop it. Stop hiding. Aunt Mara told us Leno is fine but I know you are not. Please Mika look at me”
(One thing missing in all your chapters is the comma or full stop after the dialogue. In the dialogue above there will be a full stop at the end but at places like...
“Ugh… ah my head” moaned Leno – here you should add a comma because the sentence isn’t finished.
By the way, there’s one thing you do very expertly here. If you want us to dislike a character, like Tyson, you write it in such a way that the readers can’t help but feel like that. If you want us to like a character, you do your very best in making us like him. Like Leno. He’s edged on protecting his friends, making them his first priority. And speaking of Leno, that was really funny what he did there. Pretending to have a head ache and it worked. I laughed at that point. It was quite amusing how both his friends forgot about their present conversation and turned all their attention to him.
Overall, everything was great! The conversation between Gregor and the rest of the survivors was very interesting. In all the talking I got to know what Gregor was doing here about that mission. Great job blending it in instead of just telling us about it. I just wished Leno had the essence as well. (I mean usually the main character has the special powers. Just saying. Your character’s pretty unique too.)
Will head off to the next chapter soon. Keep writing.
Hey I finally got the time to review stuff. And here I am. First of all, I like your description of the thing Leno was lying on. It was rough but soft at the same time. And you even added that had Leno been more heavier, he would’ve sunk in it. It makes me wonder whether it was one of those elevated tables made of earth or was it a pile of dry sand. (Just curious)
Next, I liked the way you constantly showed what Mika was feeling. Not only by what he himself was saying but also by Judi. It was a great idea to make Judi say the words, “Mika stop it. Stop hiding. Aunt Mara told us Leno is fine but I know you are not. Please Mika look at me”
(One thing missing in all your chapters is the comma or full stop after the dialogue. In the dialogue above there will be a full stop at the end but at places like...
“Ugh… ah my head” moaned Leno – here you should add a comma because the sentence isn’t finished.
By the way, there’s one thing you do very expertly here. If you want us to dislike a character, like Tyson, you write it in such a way that the readers can’t help but feel like that. If you want us to like a character, you do your very best in making us like him. Like Leno. He’s edged on protecting his friends, making them his first priority. And speaking of Leno, that was really funny what he did there. Pretending to have a head ache and it worked. I laughed at that point. It was quite amusing how both his friends forgot about their present conversation and turned all their attention to him.
Overall, everything was great! The conversation between Gregor and the rest of the survivors was very interesting. In all the talking I got to know what Gregor was doing here about that mission. Great job blending it in instead of just telling us about it. I just wished Leno had the essence as well. (I mean usually the main character has the special powers. Just saying. Your character’s pretty unique too.)
Will head off to the next chapter soon. Keep writing.
Hi there!
*honestly, this sentence bothers me. Ears can't really be awake. They can be working though, when nothing else is. You could say, "Leno's hearing was on point long before his eyes opened." Something like that.
Your descriptions never fail to impress me. I can picture in my head exactly what you're describing. There's just enough for me to know what's happening without overdoing it.
Aw, Leno is such a sweet person
Wow, even after that ending with Gregor, I still like him. I don't know. There's just something about his tough, arrogant character that I like. And it all makes sense now, him being the guy that told Leno about the attack. I thought he was just a random character flung into the story.
That was a great continuation. I can't wait to see what happens with the machines.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**