A/N: I'm aware that this is the end of the story [or really after the end, so technically I'm not spoiling anything] and I know I've only posted the prologue and first chapter, but I would love this reviewed. I don't know what inclined me to write this now before I've finished but if I don't post it now, I'll forget to later. Any who, thanks and enjoy.
Guinevere could hear that classic helicopter sound -- the one caused by an open window on the highway -- and she sighed, reaching an arm out the window. The air curled around her fingers, pushing them backwards as the car speed down the road. It had rained recently and the scent of the moist dirt filled her nostrils. One second, that's all it took to make the decision that had changed her life forever. When she came to Kentucky, she came on a plane, with one suitcase and her computer. Now, she left in a stolen Honda with nothing but the clothes on her back and a crumpled photograph that her grandmother gave her. She had had high ambitions of becoming one of the best medical examiners ever but now she was on her way to God knows where.
Turning her head Guinevere looked at Jasper, studying him. He drove with both hands gripped to the steering wheel so tight Guinevere feared that his fingers might fall off. She felt bad for him. She wanted to say something but every time she tried, her tongue felt so heavy in her mouth that nothing came out. Another sigh escaped her and Guinevere turned back to the front focusing her eyes on both nothing but everything. They drove like that, in silence, until a faint rustling in the back seat made Guinevere glance behind her and Jasper to sneak a peak through the rearview mirror.
"He'll be in pain when he fully wakes up. We should probably find somewhere to camp for the night."
Guinevere looked at Jasper again and this time he meet her gaze. It wasn't the first time she had heard him speak, but his voice still startled her; it was quiet and yet he spoke with such clarity and kindness. Taking another quick glance behind her, Guinevere nodded. In silent agreement they pulled off to the side of the road.
"Lets grab the essentials and then what ever else we can carry, it won't be long till they find this car. I'll carry Christen's things until he's strong enough to do so himself, but we better hurry."
Quietly they both exited the car. Guinevere walked around to the trunk and pulled out a bag; filled with bottled water and a combination of first aid equipment and emergency supplies. Then she pulled one of the three sleeping bags and took a step back. Jasper grabbed the remaining sleeping bags, and two military style packs. Closing the trunk he walked around to the passenger side and opened the glove compartment, reached in and grabbed the Glock 19, stuffing it into the first of the packs. When he turned around he noticed Guinevere giving him a disapproving look before she looked away and pretended to not notice.
"Help me get him out, please."
Together they pulled Christen out of the car and gently laid him down in soft grass that lined the road. With a heavy grunt, Jasper lifted him to his feet and put an arm around his waist, Guinevere doing the same on his other side. Slowly they walked to the edge of the forest where they laid Christen against a tree. Guinevere looked back towards the car. She wondered what would happen to her if she just waited there until some came.
"Ivy, I'm so sorry." Startled, Guinevere turned around. Jasper stood about two feet away, watching her. "I'm sorry that you had to become apart of this, it's not fair to you." He said taking another step towards her.
"It's ok." She mumbled back.
"No, it's not," Jasper reached up and stroked the loose strands of hair from Guinevere's face, before returning his hands to his pockets. "You're to kind, to innocent. I-I'm so sorry."
Jasper turned his head in hopes that he could shield the tears form her, but it didn't work because the next thing he knew she had cupped his chin and pulled his face into hers. The kiss was short, but it got the point across -- for both of them.
"I made my decisions and I can live with them. We should go now. Like you said it wont be long till the car is discovered and I want to be as far away as possible."
"Ok, come on."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
This is amazing! I unfourtunately didn't read the beginning of your story, but even the first few sentances had me hooked! I'm new to this site, but I can tell already that the people on here are awesome. That includes you, your writing style almost reminds me of how I used to write at the begining of my short stories to draw them in. Keep up the good work!
thank you, I'm glad you liked my writing.
Hey Spartan 118 here for a quick review and it may not be that good just bare with me, please.
1. I liked that its ending tho it seems kinda like there's more that we are missing.
2. Definitely needs to have a way of saying who spoke of something unless you can tell it's one person.
3. So with this being a rough ending things could change so definitely keep in mind that this ending is a possibility and with that knowledge I would have put possible prologue in the title not just prologue.
4. The spelling grammar and punctuation is spot on so congrats and if there's anything wrong well don't blame me.
5. Plz try to get some rest and not use caffeine to write and yes it can make good material but he careful.
That's all I have to say and honestly I am actually waiting for the main story. Hope you have a wonderful time and keep up the good work. This is Spartan 118 signing out layers.
thank you for the review, to clarify a few things. This is definitely going to be the end to my story and the link that's titled prologue will with out a doubt be the beginning. If you haven't already, please, go ahead and read the prologue and chapter one, I would love to know your opinions on them. I'm also in the middle of working on the second chapter so I'll let you know when that get's out. Thanks again for your review.
Oh and I'm technically using caffeine to write this, I just basically live off of caffeine. Being honest here, I have a very bad caffeine addiction. but thanks for the concern.
Listen to me try to drink less and get rest it will help you
Ok, well thanks for the advice.
You're welcome
Hey Raven Black here!
I'll review this as I read along
- I like the description of the 'air curling around her fingers'
- I like the contrasts of her arrival and departure. It shows how her character has changed throughout her time in Kentucky. I mean she stole a car! what happened to her
- I can tell the desperation and intensity of this scene with this sentence: ' He drove with both hands gripped to the steering wheel so tight Guinevere feared that his fingers might fall off.' Good use of showing and not telling. I wish I could use this technique so easily as you.
- Have they kidnapped someone? Omg! I don't like where this is going :-O
- 'she just waited there until some came.' I guessing you meant 'someone'
- "Ivy, I'm so sorry." Is this Christen speaking, I'm guessing it is but it was a bit confusing with the way the dialogue tag was written.
- Oh it's jasper. Yeah this needs to be made clear. I didn't know until I read the second bit then went back.
This is a fantastic ending and start to your novel. It makes me question what happened during her time in Kentucky? Who's Christen? Where are they going? I think this is a great start.
I think you should work on you dialogue tags better so is clear who's speaking. But other than that great piece.
Keep Writing xx
thank you so much for your review, I'm actually glad you liked it since I wrote under the heavy influence of caffeine around one in the morning. I can definitely look into working on dialogue tags however since there are only two characters speaking I didn't want to bog down the text with he said-she said, so if you have any suggestions on how to do so, I'm open to anything. Again, thank you so much, I appreciate it.