16+ Language

Prophecy of Thieves [chapter 5]

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

After a night spent in the palace with no knowledge as to why she was there, Rieka was restless, to say the least. Though the accommodations she had been given were luxurious—far more than anything she had ever experienced—it felt as though she were in a cell. Only her cell was cushioned and had running water.

When the guards dumped her into the large quarters, they had locked the door behind her without a word. Rieka spent the first hour scouring the room for anything that could be of use, but whoever had prepped it had been precise. No clothes lay within the large wardrobe, not even towels in the cupboards of the bathroom. Despite the running water she had been provided, there was only one bottle of basic soap for her to use. Rieka forwent a bath as she had no fresh clothes to change into afterward.

There were three windows in her room, each of them easily opened. The ground, a flat expanse of green grass and trimmed hedges, was far below. A jump would result in broken legs at best, death at worst. Not to mention the wide array of guards that were posted just beneath her room. Even if she managed to make the climb down, she would be shot by their heavy crossbows.

So, she spent the remainder of that night in agonizing silence. Waiting for… Stars, she didn’t even know what she was waiting for. The next morning, a maid bustled silently into her room to hand her a plate of food, departing just as quickly. Rieka wasn’t given any utensils.

Feeling like a beast in a gilded cage, she prowled about the room, wearing a path in the fancy-ass rug set upon the tiled floor. She occasionally spouted curses at the guards outside her door, but if they heard her, they didn’t respond.

Ready to bust down the painted door, she managed to get one good kick at his silver handle before a sharp knock interrupted her. Rieka backed away as the door flew open, a posse of guards filing in. A short, red-faced man not much taller than Rieka herself led the procession. She looked down her nose at him as he unrolled a scroll and read, “King Marcell of Arlan has requested your presence in the throne room immediately.”

Arching a brow, Rieka placed a hand upon her hip. “And dare say, do I get to know why?”

His toadly face pinched at her tone, but he didn’t respond, instead, turning on his heels, blatantly expecting her to follow. With the guards’ hands upon their swords, she supposed she had no choice.

Upon arrival, it had been the dead of night, and that mixed with her obvious confusion, Rieka hadn’t been able to marvel at the opulence of the palace. But now… The walls were adorned with paintings made by the most famous artists. The windows were framed in gold, with thick curtains fluttering around them. The marble tiles she walked upon were so clean, she could see her reflection. She felt a glimmer of satisfaction as her dirtied boots left prints upon its surface.

The halls were mostly cleared of any courtiers, but occasionally, wealthy noblemen would pass by, shooting her looks. They likely thought she was some criminal dug up from the dungeons. She shot them grins.

There was no doubt the room they stopped before was the throne room. The closed golden doors appeared almost two stories tall, and the ceiling arched around them with a sparkling chandelier hanging above the foyer. Two guards were posted on either side of the doors, but she found the precaution pointless. Those doors looked far too heavy to open alone. By the time any thief pushed them open even a fraction, the squealing of the hinges would be heard across the narrow sea. Useless rich people and their thirst to display their wealth.

As she had suspected, it took four guards in the posse that followed her to shove open the doors. She gave them mocking smiles as she was swept into the throne room.

If the doors hadn’t been a giveaway of the king’s pretentiousness, his throne was. It sat at the end of the long hall lined with windows, its back reaching at least ten feet high. The armrests were woven with golden roses—looking entirely uncomfortable if Rieka was being honest—and the arch of the backrest was decorated with colored jewels. The throne alone likely cost the entire livelihoods of some of Arlan’s people. And the king that sat upon it lounged as though he were perched on a wooden bench.

Rieka rolled her eyes.

As she was marched to stand before him, she took notice of the others in the room. Beside the throne were most likely his sons—one, a tall warrior with a harsh face identical to his father, the other a scrawny scholar with not an ounce of meat on his bones. Rieka arched a brow, not at all impressed. On the king’s other side was his wife—a wispy looking woman with frizzed, red hair and wide eyes. A lunatic, if Rieka were to guess.

She stopped a long distance before the throne—courtesy of the guard’s arm that held her back. She shot him a look, but his eyes were directed ahead.

“We are still waiting on the others, Your Majesty,” the sniveling, grey-haired toad said, dropping to a bow before his sovereign.

The king waved a pale hand in dismissal, the other stroking idly at his beard. It was a wispy, ugly thing. He would be far better shaving it off. His sharp, blue eyes landed on Rieka, scrutinizing her. She met his gaze, raising her brows.

“Will you not bow before your king?” he demanded. The guards around her stiffened, ready to decapitate her at a moment's notice.

But Rieka was no fool. She had been brought here for a reason, and that reason was not decapitation. Or, at least, not yet. So she lifted her chin and said, “You are not my king, so I will not bow.”

His scrawny, auburn-haired son shot a startled glance at his father, his cheeks paling, emphasizing the freckles across his nose. Rieka almost smirked. She doubted he could even hold a practice sword upright. The thought of him twirling in a clumsy attempt at swinging a sword flashed in her mind, and she suppressed a snort.

The king didn’t seem to mind her disobedient tone. Instead, he arched a wiry brow and said, “I suppose not. Then you must not bow to any kings, for there are none in Styrka.”

Rieka stiffened. “I am not loyal to any crown.” The statement could’ve been dooming. Only pirates could safely be free of any obligation to laws and rulers. And Rieka was most definitely not a pirate.

However, the king seemed pleased by her words. He opened his mouth to comment when the telltale sounds of those pretentious doors opening cut through the echoing hall.

The tap of one set of shoes against marble resounded, and Rieka glanced behind her.

Another guard. Though this one wasn’t here to watch her with suspicion, hand upon his sword. In fact, this guard looked just as out of place as she did, his dark skin stark among the pale faces around them, hers included.

He stopped before the king, a few steps away from her, and bowed low. What was a Larabosi man doing in service of an Arlanian king? After a wave for him to rise, he fell back a few steps until he stood beside Rieka. He towered over her, and was clearly capable with a weapon, if his broad form was any indication. He shot her a judging glance, his lips pursed. Well, apparently, he didn’t approve of her. She rolled her eyes.

“I won’t bother with introductions until the rest are here,” the king said, his low voice reeking of boredom. As if summoned by his words, the doors were opened again to admit four more strangers. Three Bahajadis, and the other…

Rieka chuckled darkly when she met Ren’s eyes. So she was in some kind of trouble, though what, she didn’t know. Anything that put her in league with Ren was not good. He was surrounded by more guards than even she was, and she didn’t doubt he had already swiped some of their goods.

He grinned at her when he met her eyes. He looked more disheveled than she had ever seen him. Typically, his dark curls were gelled back in a messy-do that took far too long to just appear casual. Instead, they stood in complete disarray, matching the bruise blooming across his lean jaw. She wasn’t at all surprised by the bruise. She wondered if it was courtesy of one of the guards.

Though, she supposed she didn’t look much better with her split lip and purple and yellow bruises spotting her face. It was no wonder the Larabosi guard had judged her.

Only the two Bahajadi girls bowed before the king when they stopped at the base of his throne. That came as no surprise as Rieka noted the young woman’s outfit. Whores, or at least the older one was. Likely a good one too, with her perfectly beautiful face and full curves visible beneath her thin gown. Rieka fought to gag. She would never sell her body to some bidder. She would rather die. This girl, apparently, didn’t have the same dignity.

And a child? The younger girl could hardly have been ten, yet with the young woman’s hand around her wrist, there was little doubt that the courtesan had dragged her sister into her disreputable lifestyle.

Once they all stood before the king, Rieka’s curiosity outweighed any fear in regards to her fate. The king stood from his throne and waved a dramatic hand over them. When he spoke, his voice resounded over the hall, clear and demanding attention.

“Zain Abdullah, Amani Rose, Ren Mariqua, Rieka Velsky, and Kaimbe Summers. You have been brought here today by order of the gods.” At his words, a cleric dressed in white robes floated towards the throne. She hadn’t even noticed him. “Almost eighteen years ago, the gods announced a prophecy. One to restore the strength of Arlan and return what has been stolen.”

Rieka raised a dubious brow. She didn’t believe in Arlanian gods, and she most definitely didn’t believe in their spoken prophecies. Prophecies only came in one form, and that was the stars.

“This prophecy is said to commence in two days' time.”

Rieka vaguely wondered if the king thought they cared. He knew she wasn’t Arlanian, and neither were any of the other strangers beside her. Why should they take part in a prophecy meant for Arlanian gods?

“Are you planning on telling us what this prophecy is?” Ren crooned. All eyes shot to him in shock. Rieka smirked despite the adversity between them. “If so,” Ren continued, brushing a curl from his eyes. His full lips tugged into a smile that would’ve had her guarding her pockets. “Do we receive some kind of reward for completing it?”

Leave it to Ren to demand coin for holy work. Though the idea wasn’t a bad one, and Rieka watched the king eagerly for his response.

He didn’t seem angered by Ren’s insubordination. In fact, a grin of his own pulled at his thin lips. “I guess some explaining is in order.

“As the gods declare it, you all have until the winter solstice to gather the stolen artifacts of Arlan. The Sword of Strength, the Tome of Secrets, and the Tree of Life. Return these artifacts to their rightful owner, and the gods will bless you with good fortune and long life.”

Rieka scoffed at the prospect that any of those artifacts belonged to Arlan. Instead, she said, “And what will you bless us with?” The king’s scrawny son gasped at her bluntness.

“Gold,” the king answered, his eyes glittering. “Enough gold to have you all living lavishly for the rest of your lives.”

“I’d like a number.”

The king paused and the guards surrounding her stiffened, ready to strike. Sure she had crossed the line, she readied herself to run or fight if need be when the king broke the tense silence and named a sum. Her jaw dropped.

Money like that… Rieka could go wherever she wanted. She could… Stars, she could possibly win back her name and status that she had long since given up on.

The king continued as if he hadn’t just offered her everything she ever needed. “Should you agree, you will leave in two days. Contracts shall be written up for you to sign, declaring your service to the gods and their word. You will be granted any supplies you may need for your journey. Should you return after the solstice, the deal is forfeit, and you will be forever shamed by the gods for your failure to comply with their holy word.”

His words were white noise in Rieka’s skull. The sum he had named… Glancing sideways at the others, she knew their thoughts were on it as well. Ren was practically drooling on the floor at the thought of it. And the Bahajadi girls stared wide-eyed at the king. Only the Larabosi guard seemed unfazed. He watched on, his square jaw set in determination. As a royal guard, he had likely known about this ‘prophecy’ long before she.

“My son will lead you in your journey, as he has been marked by the gods as a savior to Arlan.”

Rieka’s eyes went to the tall warrior, his deep set eyes watching on with unyielding attention. Yet it was the scrawny man who stepped forward, his thin hands twitching at his sides.

Rieka fought back a laugh. He was supposed to lead them? His face was pale as he tried to straighten his spine and appear confident. With his tight jerkin tucked into tighter trousers, he sharply resembled a young tween playing dress-up. Rieka coughed to hide her snicker.

His eyes darted to her, and she placed her wrist over her mouth, smiling against it. If the dangerous journey wasn’t enough to destroy him, being in the company of criminals would. The thought of all his riches being stolen by Ren was enough to make her almost like the little thief. If he indeed stole from the pretentious prince, she might declare their rivalry over and shake his hand as a friend.

“Have we come to an agreement?” the king asked, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward eagerly. He seemed far too excited to send off his son on some delusional quest with a group of criminals.

But the number of gold the king had offered still screamed in the back of her mind, so Rieka agreed without hesitation.

After everyone had agreed, the king relenting to allow the whore—Amani’s—sister to accompany them when she refused otherwise, the cleric stepped forward and blessed each of them with wine upon their brow. Rieka had seen the strange tradition before, but she found it more absurd than ever when she was on the reciprocating end. Wine was supposed to be drunk, not pressed upon skin in the name of the gods. Out of her desire for gold, she kept her mouth shut as the scriptures were read before her, the cleric’s hand resting over her head.

A scribe bustled in after the king waved a hand, sheets of parchment, ink, and a quill piled into his arms. The contracts, it seemed, had already been written, and Rieka couldn’t help but smirk at the king’s confidence. He had known they would each agree. Though she supposed that was no surprise with the gold he offered.

They were each brought before the king to sign their contracts. Amani and Zain both scrutinized the parchment before signing, but Ren and Kai signed without hesitation. When Rieka was called up, she scanned the contract, the words a jumble of unknown letters.

She could read Styrkish just fine, but Arlanian… “Can you just tell me the gist of this thing so I don’t have to sit here and read it all?” she said, glancing up at the king. He smirked as though he knew the true meaning behind her request, but obliged.

“It proclaims your devotion to the gods and their word. It promises the payment offered should you succeed upon the given date.”

Rieka nodded. She wouldn’t be surprised if he hid a few twists in the contract, but if the Bahajadis had signed after reading it through… Rieka signed her name on the line.

They were each given new rooms to stay in until their journey commenced, and this time, she found fresh clothes in the drawers and towels in the bathing room. Despite the nicer quarters, guards were still posted below her window and at her door. If they thought Rieka was truly foolish enough to either steal from or hurt the king now, they were idiots. With the gold she would receive, Rieka would play the perfect, obedient citizen to all their hearts’ desires. Hell, she might even deign to be nice.

After the door clicked shut behind her and she heard a lock slide into place, she collapsed onto the plush bed and stared at the wall.

She would no longer have to fight in the Lounge. No longer have to pull punches so she could get a sack of coins. No longer be homeless, only living in taverns when she had enough to pay for them.

She could go home.

But would they welcome her? Even with pockets of gold, she doubted they would forget the reason she had left. The Styrkish weren’t ones to place gold in such importance. But…

But if they knew how she had won the gold… The Sword of Strength—the Mek Syly, in her tongue—didn’t rightfully belong to Arlan as the ignorant king claimed. If they knew she had stolen it for Arlan, she would never be accepted. She would forever be banished from her home, a shame to her country.

It would be no different than she was now.

Rieka shoved aside any thought of her family. No amount of gold would bring her back to them. It was foolish to think that it would. But gold could get her a home in the northern hills of Arlan, close enough to Styrka that she could feel the cool breezes upon her skin instead of incessant heat. A home full of servants to make her food and pour her ale. And an axe. She would get a new axe and hunt in the pine forests each day, relishing her freedom.

The thought had her shoulders relaxing.

She had spoken true to the king. She held no loyalty to Styrka just as she held no loyalty to Arlan. And while she often foolishly dreamed of her stone home nestled in the mountains, she had left that life long ago. It was time she began a new one.

Comments & reviews · 7
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Hi mordax,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

The meeting is done and the story can finally begin.

I could quote at least half a dozen points here where I think what Rieka did, thought or said is exactly right, but that wouldn't really make much sense. The exposition you presented her with already was very good and I liked how that continued here. The short comments or trains of thought that she gives or has fit her character perfectly. That smugness and vanity even in front of the king delighted me. For a moment, in fact, I thought that her whole character building would collapse here, but that didn't happen. She doesn't get small even in front of authority and doesn't back down. Really good performance! The really only point where I thought she showed a bit of weakness and skilfully got around that was when she received the treaty and asked the king what was in it.

I thought it was an interesting portrayal of the meeting in general and I'm also glad that the main focus revolved around Rieka. Especially when there are so many different protagonists, it can happen that the point of view and narrative gets a bit confused as a result. But I think if you keep it that way, you maintain the high level of narrative.

I liked that you sporadically described a little bit what everything looks like and how Rieka feels about it.

Plot-wise, I thought it was a well-written chapter. I liked that the king didn't beat around the bush, but got straight to the point with the prophecy and what was needed. It's a very modern king that he gives them contracts, but that also makes me wonder what the consequences are...
Finally, I also liked that you mentioned several times that Rieka is Styrkish, and feels more drawn there, and yet she can't really return. I would be very interested to know what the backstory is of all the nations and gods and if that is still mentioned in the story.

The chapter had a really good reading flow and it was easy to get into this sublime world of nobility with your descriptions. I didn't find anything that sounded strange or wrong. Just one thing that stood out to me:

Waiting for... stars, she didn't even know what she was waiting for.

I noticed this here and also somewhere in the middle part of the chapter that Rieka calls Stars. Since it's capitalised, I'm thinking, does that have a bigger meaning to her and from what I understand, she believes more in the stars, like in astrology?


Have fun writing!

Mailice

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Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review · Sat Jul 10, 2021 6:24 pm

Heya mordax,

Two reviews in one day, who would have guessed ;)

Feeling like a beast in a gilded cage, she prowled about the room, wearing a path in the fancy-ass rug set upon the tiled floor.


This seems a bit odd that she's able to wear a path in a single night/day. That seems like it would take longer to happen, even if she is pacing a lot.

She looked down her nose at him as he unrolled a scroll and read, “King Marcell of Arlan has requested your presence in the throne room immediately.”


Why would they write a single statement like this on a scroll?

“Have we come to an agreement?” the king asked, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward eagerly.


It is entirely possible that I missed him sitting back down, but you did have him standing up once everyone arrived.

Amani and Zain both scrutinized the parchment before signing, but Ren and Kai signed without hesitation.


Wait a second, it just struck me -- how did Zain get here? You left him in the brothel approaching the random man. We didn't get to see how he ended up getting escorted to the palace.

~

Okay, this review will be on the shorter end this time. But I like that we are moving forward with things! I struggle with having a bunch of characters because of who I am as a person, so I do really like that you introduced each one separately before now. I still struggled a bit (i.e., I was confused about who Kaimbe Summers was at first) but I think the struggle is a me thing since I know I'm not great at keeping things straight.

Overall, great chapter! I enjoyed reading it!

~Shady

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starlitmind
Review

HEY HEY I'M BACKKKK ^_^

Though the accommodations she had been given were luxurious—far more than anything she had ever experienced—it felt as though she were in a cell. Only her cell was cushioned and had running water.


Ooh I like how the luxurious and comfortable quarters actually made her uncomfortable and feel trapped - you can see that this isn't the life that she's used to, and maybe she doesn't fit in here

So, she spent the remainder of that night in agonizing silence. Waiting for… Stars, she didn’t even know what she was waiting for. The next morning, a maid bustled silently into her room to hand her a plate of food, departing just as quickly.


Okay could this could totally be just me, but I felt like this paragraph didn't really do together? And I think it's because the transition felt quick, from Rieka at nighttime pondering her fate to morning breakfast. I guess I had assumed that the rest of the paragraph was going to be her thoughts or something. A possible suggestion is sometime like "And she still didn't know, even when morning came and a maid bustled..." but that's a poor example, just came off the top of my head xD but also, this is probably just a me thing, so please feel free to ignore :)

She occasionally spouted curses at the guards outside her door, but if they heard her, they didn’t respond.


Ah, such a Rieka thing to do xD

She felt a glimmer of satisfaction as her dirtied boots left prints upon its surface.


This too :') haha this made me laugh

And the king that sat upon it lounged as though he were perched on a wooden bench.


The whole description of the palace and Rieka's anger towards how lavish everything is once again shows that this is an entirely different world from what she is used to. And not coming from a wealthier family / life or whatever, it can easily be seen as to why she would hold resentment against richer people

“We are still waiting on the others, Your Majesty,”


I wonder who those other people are :p

“I’d like a number.”


Omg Rieka is so bold

Once they all stood before the king, Rieka’s curiosity outweighed any fear in regards to her fate.


Yup, this does seem to be her character ^_^ She's fearless and stubborn and is willing to take shots at people and say things that may seem to be questionable to others, even if it puts her life at risk. You are really good at characterizing Rieka throughout these chapters, with her actions and thoughts :)

But the number of gold the king had offered still screamed in the back of her mind, so Rieka agreed without hesitation.


Ah, it must be a super huge amount for her to agree to the quest without asking for more details, like how dangerous it is

I wonder why the king picked the people he did :O I get Rieka and Ren; I'm wondering why Amani? It'll be interesting to see how she will contribute to this quest ^_^ oH AND WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER SISTER

“It proclaims your devotion to the gods and their word. It promises the payment offered should you succeed upon the given date.”


I really hope there's not something hidden in that contract >.> Since she's not reading it herself, there could easily be some very important detail that the king held from her. I have a bad feeling about this contract

Rieka shoved aside any thought of her family. No amount of gold would bring her back to them. It was foolish to think that it would.


Ah, so her family is still alive back home. I am SUPER curious as to why she had to leave - it must've been pretty bad if they no longer will accept her

It was time she began a new one.


Yay :') That's healthy, and I hope she is able to find what she's looking for

I think the characters are underestimating the journey - given that this is a novel, there is no way things are going to go smoothly xD More than the obstacles they face, I'm interested to see how your characters are going to change by the end of the journey. Particularly Rieka - I wonder if she'll be able to go back to her family? I wonder if she'll become nicer, calmer, and more optimistic? Orrr I wonder if she and the group are going to betray the prophecy somehow - like maybe along the way, they realize the king has some super evil intentions, and then they work against him, leaving the chance of gold behind. That would be interesting xD but I feel like there are going to be some things that the group discovers along the way that might make them question the journey and its purpose. Or not. We'll see :p

AHHHH I LOVE THIS STORY, it really does feel like a published work :)

EEEEK thank you sooooo much!! And I agree with all your suggestions they are super helpful!

User avatar
Honora
Review
Honora wrote a review · Tue Jan 19, 2021 9:37 pm

I'm back for another review! :D

She felt a glimmer of satisfaction as her dirtied boots left prints upon its surface.
And this right here is why I love Reika so much XD

They likely thought she was some criminal dug up from the dungeons. She shot them grins.
Here, the She shot them grins. seemed a little weird and out of place. Maybe if you added a few more words to describe what she was intending with that grin, it would be better. As it is right now though, it doesn't sit well when reading.

The thought had her shoulders relaxing.
This sentence also felt out of place. Yes, she was relaxing but the way you said so just sounded funny. Maybe it could go something like this:
With the thought of living without having to fight to survive, her tensed shoulders eased as she relaxed from the permanent alertness she'd become accustomed to.
Of course, this is just an example and you can say whatever you want! Just a suggestion! :D

Other then that though, I LOVED it! I already have a sense of satisfaction just having them all in the same room together. I also really liked how you gave me a far better picture of the castle and the throne room. When it was from Kai's POV, I found I didn't have a clear idea of his surroundings. I definitely could feel the king's need to show how wealthy he really is. I could feel how pretentious and stuck up he must be if the throne room doors are that ridiculous. It was nice to have a clear vision of it though so good on you!

I can also say that Reika is by far my favourite character. I can feel her satisfaction and although I would probably shoot her in real life, I love how she takes joy in the smallest ways. Especially when she's being a smart ass about it ;) Her past seems like it'll be pretty cool to figure out too. Why did she leave Styrka? Was banished or did she leave on her own accord, knowing that she would be banished?

I really like all the characters you've set up. They are all unique and different in their own way and I really like that. It's not repetitive. They have their weaknesses and strengths and it'll be cool to see how they put their heads together to get this prophecy done and over with. Especially since Zain is supposed to kill Amani...will he still try to go through with that or say screw it!? So many questions.....

The plot really unfolded in this one as well. I can feel the crescendo of suspense for the chapters to come. Really really looking forward to the next chapter! :D

Keep writing!
Honora

Hey Mordax! Ducklin here for a review,
let's get started shall we?

I think I have to agree with the other comments this was just deep writing that reads so easily with the quality of a published book (Please if u ever publish tell me I would be happy to design your cover Xd ;)

"The thought had her shoulders relaxing" I kinda feel like this is a little bit unnecessary but doesn't need to be removed directly.

“I’d like a number.” gold doesn't come in numbers but if you meant amount you could better use something like euros but that in your world's form, if you get what I mean.

that was pretty much it
keep on writing
-D.

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Haileyg21
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hiyo! Here's a nice review. Its not gonna tell you what's wrong with this. I don't do that.

This is super good. I read it A few time actually. Its just that good.

'She had spoken true to the king. She held no loyalty to Styrka just as she held no loyalty to Arlan. And while she often foolishly dreamed of her stone home nestled in the mountains, she had left that life long ago. It was time she began a new one.'

This although being the last Paragraph was one of my favorites because its first sentence. All over this was just really good. So thank you for writing this amazing thing here.

Wow thank you!

This is amazing, I've read this twice.
Im speechless.

Wow thank you!!!



Revision is one of the exquisite pleasures of writing.
— Bernard Malamud