z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Prophecy of Thieves [chapter 14.1]

by mordax


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The world fell away.

Everything was going well—surprisingly well, actually. All that had gone wrong was easily amended and all that could still go wrong hadn’t, and Rieka was beyond relieved.

Then the one thing Rieka hadn’t once imagined in their plan’s long list of faults had occurred.

“Rieka?” the woman said.

The feeling rushed back into Rieka’s bones, too harsh and too sudden. She stumbled a step forward, her eyes taking in every detail. Since the two years she had been away, Tanya had hardly changed. Other than the decorative gown she now wore, cinched at the waist with a beaded rope—so different from the trousers and tunics she used to wear—she looked the same. The same light brown hair braided in a crown around her head. The same round face and large, blue eyes. Except, instead of looking upon her with kindness, they were narrowed in suspicion.

“Rieka, what are you doing?” Tanya accused, stalking closer. The others shifted from the corner of Rieka’s eye, only the prince understanding Tanya’s words.

Rieka opened her mouth, then closed it. Tanya was here. One of the only people Rieka had truly regretted leaving. By the time she knew she was no longer accepted, anger and hatred had been all that was left for her friends and family. Except Tanya.

“You were banished,” Tanya said, her delicate brows lowering. “What have you done?”

As a child, it was always the two of them. Tanya and Rieka climbing a tree. Fishing in the river. Practicing with wooden axes. Then they had grown, and Tanya had begun to wear dresses while Rieka had donned armor. But even then, it was the two of them against the world. Until the day her dishonor had been announced and Tanya had watched Rieka go. No parting words. No tears of goodbye. Rieka hadn’t hated her for it. Tears were a weakness.

Tanya reached out and grabbed Rieka’s shoulder, jolting her. Despite the dress and her painted face, her grip was strong. She had grown taller than Rieka, though her shoulders were narrow, her hips lean.

“What have you done?” she asked again, her voice hard. Foreign. It was then that Rieka noticed the small red cap upon her head, her braided hair circling it. It was the symbol of a woman married.

The blood drained from Rieka’s face. She had been gone for two years and so much had changed. Tanya was… Tanya was married. And there was no kindness or sentimentality in her friend’s face now. She would turn and reveal them without a hint of guilt. Rieka knew because Tanya was the perfect Styrkish citizen. Loyal, determined, and strong. Everything Rieka was not. It was no surprise the matchmaker had so soonly wed her.

Rieka opened her mouth once more. To beg or make excuses, she didn’t know. Then she spotted Kai directly behind Tanya’s form, and her heart dropped. Before she could call out, the hilt of the prince’s dagger—Rieka didn’t remember him giving it to Kai—collided with the base of Tanya’s skull, a dull thud sounding. Rieka was too shocked to catch her as she crumpled.

They stood there panting, staring down at Tanya’s unconscious form. Rieka’s chest heaved as though she had just run for hours. She met Kai’s gaze. “What have you done?” she snarled.

Kai’s brows arched in surprise. “She was going to turn us in,” he said, his shoulders stiffening.

“Glad we brought you along, friend,” Ren said, patting Kai’s arm. “Now, let’s get out of here before we meet another friendly face.” He shot a glance Rieka’s way but didn’t ask questions.

“We can’t just leave her!” Rieka hissed, waving a hand violently in Tanya’s direction. With her face relaxed in unconsciousness, she looked as kind and beautiful as Rieka remembered. Her heart splintered.

That small red cap on her head was secured so tightly it hadn’t even fallen into disarray when she had collapsed. It stood out like the moon in a starless night, reminding Rieka of all she had missed. All she had been torn from. Who had Tanya ended up marrying? Rieka hoped it wasn’t some toad-faced councilman. In their childhood, Tanya and Rieka had laughed about the old, warted faces of the men on the Chief’s council. But judging by Tanya’s colorful, beaded gown and her presence in the fortress, Tanya was now on that council.

“You’re right,” Ren said sarcastically, snapping Rieka from her reverie. “Let’s just tie her to your back and bring her with us!”

“She’s—” Rieka paused, then restarted. “We—”

“We have to go.” Unlike his previously light tone, Ren’s voice was hard. He came around to face Rieka and grabbed her shoulders. “She will be fine. But we need to leave before she wakes.”

Rieka stared at Tanya for a beat longer, then nodded absently, her body moving on its own accord. Ren took that as agreement and steered her out of the foyer and towards the tower.

As they climbed up to the top where they would descend down the side of the wall and into the outer forests, Rieka’s mind blurred until all thoughts became veiled by a haze; the details of the fortress that had been so sharp before becoming muted. She floated high above herself, watching as they hiked up each step.

“You need to focus,” Ren’s voice sounded beside her. “Just until we are out of here.”

Rieka nodded mutely again, but she attempted to hurry her steps. To instill the urgency she was meant to feel.

There were six floors to the main fortress, and it was at the fourth that they passed a door leading into the protruding walls and were instantly noticed by a passing guard.

“Shit,” Ren hissed when the guard called out for them to stop. He wasted no time in any other words before bolting up the stairs, leaving them all to follow.

“Come on!” Ren ordered, his form disappearing around a bend of the spiraling staircases. After a breath of hesitation, Rieka and the others followed.

Footsteps pounded behind them, followed by more Styrkish orders to stop. Rieka chanced a glance over her shoulder to see three warriors on their heels, hands upon their weapons

It was silent but for their gasping breaths and pounding footsteps echoing through the stone tower as they scaled the steps. Rieka began to slow despite the hours she had spent exercising for this exact purpose. The prince was far worse off. He was heaving behind them, his breaths sharp. She had no doubt he was a shit athlete, but with the armor weighing him down, his steps were all the slower. Both she and Kai reached out to pull him along, practically dragging him between them.

They passed an open door, and Rieka glanced to her side to find another line of guards rushing towards them. “Shit!” she barked, shoving the prince up. Before she could follow, Kai kicked out a leg, his foot slamming into the lead guard’s chest. The man was shoved back into the hall, stumbling over the guards at his back. Rieka lurched forward to pull the door shut before dashing after Ren and the prince, who were already half a story above them.

She got a total of three steps before the door could be heard opening again. She glanced behind her, but Kai placed his hand between her shoulders, urging her forward.

The pounding of the guards’ feet echoed through the tower, drowning out the sound of her heavy breathing. Their proximity was the only fuel that kept her legs moving.

Finally, when her thighs had gone numb from exhaustion, they reached the top of the tower. Ren was crouched before the door, his pins lodged in the lock.

“Hurry,” she ordered, the guards’ footsteps growing nearer.

Ren cursed, one of his pins slipping. Rieka spotted the head of a guard.

Brisk air flooded over her and she spun on her heel and bolted through the open door. Once they were all through, Ren slammed the door shut and held himself against it. Kai joined him, bracing his legs as the first guards slammed against the door from the other side.

Ren’s hand fumbled in his coat, his body jolting with each attempt the guards made at shoving the door open. He cursed colorfully, and Rieka started forward to help.

“Duck!” Kai shouted.

Rieka managed to lower her head just before the blade of a sword struck her neck.

“Fuck!” she barked, scrambling away from the guard that patrolled the enclosed bell tower. In an instant, she had her axe unsheathed, resting in her palms. She backed away from the man, watching his steps just as he watched hers. They circled around the large bell, Rieka keeping her back to the narrow walls of the tower. If he managed to set the alarm, all of the fortress would know of their presence, and they would be shot instantly as they slid down the side of the wall.

He made no move to attack, so she glanced towards Ren and Kai. Ren was looping chains he had swiped from the dungeons through the door handle and the torch mount directly beside it. The clamps were still attacked at the end, and she vaguely wondered how she hadn’t seen him hide them within his clothes. Kai had his arms braced against the door, his teeth gritted. The prince had rushed to the broad opening that looked over the edge of the wall and was tying a long rope around one of the parapets.

There was a shift against the stone, and Rieka leapt away, avoiding a swipe from the guard’s broad sword. She returned it with a swing of her axe, but her attack was slow. He easily dodged and began circling her.

The axe that had seemed comforting before now felt foreign in her palms. It had been so long since she had last held one like it. Or any weapon for that matter. The balance of an axe was one that took ages of practicing to perfect, and once she had believed herself to be nearly perfect.

Only, now she was fighting a trained guard who practiced daily. One that did not lack experience. It was written in his weathered face and the vicious intent directed towards her—the face of a man that had fought warriors. Killed warriors. His lips pulled back as he circled her, sword outheld.

Dread pooled in her gut. This was not a battle she could win.

“You filthy thief,” the man snarled as he lunged. Rieka parried, iron clanging. Her arms were weak and limp as he shoved his weight against her, and she ducked, scampering away. She held her axe out before her, her chest heaving.

The man swiped for her side, and she dodged, though not in time. His blade skimmed the skin between her chest and back plate, slicing through her tunic and flesh. The pain was dull, and she danced away, parrying his next, immediate strike.

The weight of the axe was already making her arms quake like rubber. It became more and more difficult to lift as she danced away from the guard’s incessant strikes. This was not at all like her underground fighting. There, she had been swift and nimble. She had taken down men twice her size without breaking a sweat. But those men were weak and untried. This guard… He was all that Rieka had once hoped to be. And had failed at becoming.

With her muscles limp, she saw the man’s sword nearing the gap above her armor, right above her collarbone. She saw and knew it would strike true.

Before his sword came in contact with her skin, the guard stilled, his eyes going wide. He stumbled forward a step. His sword drooped then clattered to the stone floor just before he crumbled.

Kai stood behind him, dagger in hand, the blade dripping red.

Rieka met his wide gaze, her expression mirroring his. Her chest heaved. She was alive, and it was all thanks to Kai. From his shocked expression, she guessed it was the first time he had killed. She stepped forward. To thank him? To console him? She wasn’t sure, but she had to do something.

“Come on!” Ren hissed, interrupting whatever idiocy was about to come out of her mouth.

Rieka and Kai went to his side. The door shook, but held against the chains that Ren had secured. “Those won’t hold forever,” Rieka said.

“I know,” Ren responded. “That’s why we need to hurry.” He scrambled to the edge of the wall and peered over the side to sparse grass below. The prince was finishing off his knots with the rope, the end hanging over the side of the wall.

When the rope was fully secured, the prince backed away, glancing between them.

“Your Highness,” Ren said with a flourish of his hand, indicating him to go first.

“We don’t have time for this,” Rieka barked, shoving the prince aside. She swung her leg over the parapet, grabbing hold of the rope. Bracing her feet against the smooth stone surface, she began the slow descent. While her arms were weak and tired from her earlier spar, they were strong enough to hold her weight as she crept down. Halfway, the rope began to bite into the skin of her palms, leaving abrasions there. The closer to the ground she got, the more she began to notice. The sharp stinging in her side; the soreness in her body; the heaviness in her heart.

Tanya’s face flitted back to mind, and Rieka attempted to shove it away. Thinking about that now was useless. Thinking about her at all was useless. None of it mattered, Rieka told herself. No matter how often she repeated those words, she didn’t believe them.

When her feet met solid ground, she backed away from the wall, quelling the urge to flee. She still had to wait for the others.

The prince soon was beside her, then Kai and Ren. They stared at each other for a brief moment, unsaid words pressing heavily upon their shoulders. It was the prince who straightened his spine and announced, “Let’s go.”

No one protested. Suddenly, a deep resounding clang broke through the heavy, silent air. The vibrations of the warning bell shook her bones as it awoke the most fortified city in the entire continent. It was a gruesome sound, much like the death knells that tolled on the day of an execution in Arlan. Any second, the guards would break through the door and find the rope. They would begin scouring the land just outside Aryotsk in search of her.

The weight of Rieka’s actions hung over her like a blade above her neck. Now she was truly a traitor of Styrka. She had thrown away all she had once held loyalty for.

Rieka placed a hand against her side, warm blood seeping through her fingers. She applied pressure, digging her nails into the sore, surrounding muscle. The painful sting that followed brought clarity to her vision and mind. That physical pain she could focus on. It was real. It had an explanation. Unlike the turmoil of emotions that swirled in the pit of her stomach. No. Physical pain was far easier to deal with.

...


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Mon Aug 02, 2021 8:43 am
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi mordax,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I found it very surprising that Rieka is thrown off her game as soon as a familiar face appears. I find it a very human and moral quality that she showed here. The way you created the switch between the dialogues and Rieka's memories I found a bit confusing at the beginning, but also find it necessary for the reader to understand what the relationship between the two is without expressing it directly through dialogues. I liked the way you shortened the structure of your sentences in the memories Rieka has, to let the thoughts flash like short flashes before moving on to the next memory. Yes, and that also makes me wonder what Rieka's relationship is with Tanya. Are they siblings? Why was Rieka banished in the first place? The focus that has been on Rieka in the last few chapters is now reaching a kind of climax. In the end, however, I am glad that Kai had the situation under control and brought her to her senses to flee.

I thought the scene around the escape was well realised. I liked the interactions and ways Ren and co. tried to escape. I only found it a bit difficult to follow who was telling the story because a lot of things happened and were told very quickly (not to be understood as a criticism). Sometimes I had the impression that it was Kai and sometimes Ren. I would try to make it a bit clearer, because otherwise it becomes a character salad and plot mistakes can creep in.

I also found that some sections were a bit short, where I think you could put them together so that it doesn't always fall so short. It seemed as if you were telling a story in these short two-liners, but they belong together according to action - reaction, so they also belong in one section.

Otherwise, I thought it was a great chapter, as always. I liked the mix between this revelation of Rieka and the escape and how you created the main focus on the escape though, so that the reader still has some questions about what really happened and what Rieka is all about.

Then she spotted Kai directly behind Tanya’s form,

I think it would fit better to use “body” or “shape” instead of “form”. Maybe that´s just me, but I can only imagine her now as a cardboard cut-out. :D

“You filthy thief,” the man snarled as he lunged.

This is more of my opinion, but I would change the comma to an exclamation mark. It sounds just better in this scene and also for the comment itself.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Thu May 20, 2021 7:46 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! ^_^ This has been in the Green Room for quite a bit, so I'd love to nudge it out! I haven't read any of the previous chapters, so I do apologize if I say something stupid or whatever xD

The world fell away.


Omg, especially without context, this sentence is quite intriguing

Everything was going well—surprisingly well, actually. All that had gone wrong was easily amended and all that could still go wrong hadn’t, and Rieka was beyond relieved.


I did not expect to see that the world falling away is a good thing xD but of course, that's only because I'm missing contact :)

The feeling rushed back into Rieka’s bones, too harsh and too sudden.


I didn't want to quote the whole thing, but this paragraph is super gorgeous. So it seems that Reika and Tanya are meeting after such a long time. It must be so weird for her to see someone she hasn't seen in so long. And in addition, the way you described Tanya makes this reunion even more heartbreaking - Tanya is described in such a lovely manner, so that makes me thing the two were close before they separated. This should be interesting :O
Your descriptions are really nice ^_^

One of the only people Rieka had truly regretted leaving.


Yes, it thought so! Even though I hadn't read any previous chapters, I still got this impression without you telling the reader - so that's really nice and shows how effective your writing is c:

As a child, it was always the two of them. Tanya and Rieka climbing a tree. Fishing in the river. Practicing with wooden axes. Then they had grown, and Tanya had begun to wear dresses while Rieka had donned armor.


I love this backstory sort of thing, which again, serves to make their separation / reunion even more heartbreaking

Oh wow, from your descriptions, I have a strong sense of the two characters in this interaction already! Tanya feels like the loyal citizen and rule-follower. Rieka seems stubborn and determined, brave but impulsive? Or just more rebellious / wants to act on what she believes in / stands firmly to what she believes in. Or at least, that's what I got!

“We can’t just leave her!” Rieka hissed, waving a hand violently in Tanya’s direction. With her face relaxed in unconsciousness, she looked as kind and beautiful as Rieka remembered. Her heart splintered.


You can really feel Rieka's hurt heart here and how much she once (and still does) cared / care for Tanya. I hope the two are able to reconcile

You're really good at building tension with the chasing scene and adding enough details that I can picture it clearly in my head without overwhelming the reader c:

This guard… He was all that Rieka had once hoped to be. And had failed at becoming.


Rieka seems to have a lot of regret in her heart as well. I feel this quite strongly from this chapter

Ren hissed, interrupting whatever idiocy was about to come out of her mouth.


Omg haha I felt this

The weight of Rieka’s actions hung over her like a blade above her neck. Now she was truly a traitor of Styrka. She had thrown away all she had once held loyalty for.


Ahh, I feel so bad for her. I have no idea what she has done, but her sense of pain is so strong that I truly feel bad for her

I think my favourite part of your writing is your descriptions. The images I were able to create in my mind were so vivid and clear, because you describe the events super well. I love the little details you include, and I love how it isn't all action - you contionusly sprinkle Rieka's thoughts and inner feelings along with the action. That way we get a little of both the internal and external conflict. It makes this super interesting to read c:

Additionally, the way you're able to share the pain your readers is amazing. Like I said, I could really feel Rieka's pain despite having only read this one chapter. To have your reader connect with your character is really nice; it makes this more enjoyable to read (and now I am going to get super attached to your characters xD omg I hope no one dies though 0.0)

Anyways, that's all I got for you! ^_^ I hope these thoughts prove useful to you somehow. I think I'd love to start from the beginning of this story, because you've really captured my attention c: I hope to read more from you soon! <3




mordax says...


Wow thank you so much!!



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Tue Apr 20, 2021 6:38 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



Aloha! :D

The clamps were still attacked at the end, and she vaguely wondered how she hadn’t seen him hide them within his clothes.
I think you meant to say "attached" rather then attacked

Kai had his arms braced against the door, his teeth gritted.
This is a personal preference again but I find the word gritted doesn't fit well into the sentence. Maybe if it was something like "clenched"?

That physical pain she could focus on. It was real. It had an explanation. Unlike the turmoil of emotions that swirled in the pit of her stomach. No. Physical pain was far easier to deal with.
So very very true...honestly I love how Rieka is portrayed. She's all big and tough but it's all just to cover up her loss of control. She really doesn't know how to process all the emotions and I find that is something anyone can relate with in their own way. I mean, emotions can be pretty crazy sometimes and I love how she is focusing on actual pain rather then facing the true source of her pain. It's awesome and I love it.

I feel like this Tanya just screwed up all of Rieka's plans for when she gets all that gold. If someone recognized her stealing from the fortress herself, there's no way she is going to be accepted back. No matter how much money she has, I have a feeling that this isn't the country to screw over. They don't seem like the forgiving kind.

I'm looking forward to the next piece. I doubt that the chase is over and it will be interesting to see how they travel when they have someone on their tails. Especially a someone that probably will show no mercy regarding their crimes...it's cool and enticing!

Keep up the great work!
Honora





Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday