Young Writers Society

Gooday mintanchor,
Happy review day!

I’m stepping out of my comfort zone in reviewing poetry because i liked this poem so much.

I agree with @priceofwords in how relatable this poem is and that it would be significantly easier to read broken into stanzas.

The refrain
Slow Down Speedy World
You’re Moving Too Fast
Is fantastic and repeated just the right amount.

Your rhyming also works well and doesn’t feel staged as much poetry often does.

In addition to breaking it up into stanzas, I think more punctuation would help when it is read out. For example a comma could help here;

I slept and Woke up, more down
Than I had begun.

and a continuity of question marks would also help.
As it stands it feels to me like the punctuation was started but not finished. I’m also intrigued as to the scattering of capital letters.

I enjoyed this poem and its well portrayed subject and particularity liked the comparison to swimming and drowning made in this stanza;
How Can they keep swimming
With Never Knowing where
How can they Keep breathing
Without any Air

keep writing, Ferran

Hello Mint!
Happy Review Day~
The first thing that I wanted to mention was capitalisation. Although I very much agree that this is a stylist choice that an author makes, I feel like it is not necessary to capitalise most of these words without reason. Again, your choice, but maybe cut it back to just "Slow Down Speedy World" for consistency and emphasis.

I slept and Woke up more down
Than I had begun

To Pause to Take A Breath

With Never Knowing where

I love this poem. It's relatable and sounds beautiful when read out loud. Great job.

Hello, priceofwords here!

I thought this was a great topic you used for this poem. Very relatable, as I'm sure we've all felt the unwanted speed of life at some point!

In terms of your capitalising some of your words/phrases, I was wondering, is this a punctuation theme in your poem? If so, some of your other words are capitalised, such as

'Past,' 'Last,' 'Think.'

I would correct at least a few of these if I were you, whether intentional or not, as they disrupt the flow of your poem a little.

I would also strongly suggest you split your poem into stanzas. Without this separation, it becomes very wordy and is a little harder for the reader to get into.

However, aside from this, I really liked this poem. In particular, something about the lines,

'and got Nothing done

I slept and Woke up more down

Than I had begun,'

really appealed to me. There was just something great about your rhyming there.

Overall, a great poem, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

priceofwords