They see, I see

This was a great poem, I must say. First of all, I like the whole theme, which is abuse. And I can somehow relate to it. I could relate to the line, "To me, all I saw was my Karma coming back to me" because I sometimes blame myself why I was sometimes being abused. I always feel like it's my fault and I was really stupid for doing that certain action.

Whenever I try to enjoy my life and be a little reckless and have a little fun, I tend to make really stupid actions that when I do it, I won't realize that I might regret it sooner or later.

And I love that first stanza, too. It's because I always ask myself why is the one abusing me so mad at me. Like he was my favorite to get mad at. And I sometimes tell myself that what he is doing is wrong and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, I really liked it

I never met a poem in which I could really relate to, this poem gave me the feels. I would give this an 11 out of 10. Great job!

Hey there!

First, a quick note. The second to last stanza needs some editing due to typos.

Now for the real stuff. I like the idea here. I appreciate the way you are juxtaposing both sides of abuse, the things outsiders see and things outsiders do not see. I know that for myself, when I hear stories of abuse I always wonder how someone can just submit to it and, moreover, how anyone could ever do these things to another human being. I think the juxtaposition here could be a great vehicle towards helping people like myself understand these sorts of incidents a bit more.

But I do think this needs some work if it is going to be able to do this as effectively as it could. To start with, I think that when you are using two different voices, you have to make it longer. If not longer, the language needs to be more dense. I want more of a narrative out of this; I want more of a story. And I want to see what is going on. Show over tell.

An interesting idea you might toy around with, would be having the girl ask the same sort of questions outsiders such as myself might ask. How can anyone do this to another human being? Have her go through that questioning phase before it becomes so much a routine that she succumbs to it.

I want greater character development. I think this is probably the main thing. I think if readers could gain a better connection with the daughter, their emotions would be greater and their sympathies for the daughter would be greater as well. Likewise, if readers are able to see a bit more about what makes the father so awful, it could be a good way to rouse up the emotions of anger towards the father.

It's up to you regarding how much effort you want to put into this piece. I think the idea has the potential to be really powerful. Better character development, a longer narrative, and denser diction focused on helping us SEE the situation would take this poem a long way.

Hope this helps, let me know if you have any questions. It looks as though you are fairly new to YWS. I hope you are enjoying it so far. If you need assistance, feel free to contact me any time. I was once a part of the buddy system for newcomers so I would be happy to help get you assistance!

-H.o.H.